If you are into the gay dating scene, follow these 10 bits of advice to maximize your chances of success.
By: Conrad Braxton
First date magic. Chocolates and flowers, pressed white shirts and pricey cologne. Linen tablecloths, romantic music, violins and wine over lobster.
UGH – STOP!
If this is your idea of a gay first date, add “delusional”, “ridiculous,” and “credit card debt” to your list, because you’re setting yourself up for a major disaster.
The ideal first date is supposed to be about getting to know the other guy and letting him get to know you, without doing unnecessary damage to your nervous system – or checking account – in the process.
Let’s be honest. First dates are never a relaxing experience. But it doesn’t have to be an anxiety producing either. What follows are 10 basic rules for that first get-together.
FYI: Some of these guidelines are so basic they may seem obvious. But you’d be surprised how many people disregard them – with unwanted consequences. So a word to the wise: read these carefully.
1) Choose an activity you’ll enjoy
A first date should involve things that you like to do. Don’t pick something you hate just because the guy you are chatting wants to do it. It’s a bad strategy that puts you in a submissive place right from the start.
Here are some additional thoughts:
- Ask your date to come up with three first date options
- Have a list of fun places or activities you’d like to do handy
- Be open to new ideas and try not to be rigid
2) Pick something you can easily afford
One of the worst things you can do is try to impress your date by spending tons of money. First, you probably can’t afford it. Second, it you may be unintentionally communicating that you have problems with self-esteem. Third, your date may find it a “deal breaker” because he thinks he can’t financially compete with you.
- Go to a local eatery with moderate prices
- Consider inexpensive options, like a visit to the zoo or coffee
- Depending upon your location, do something outdoors like a beach date
3) Do something that doesn’t require designer clothes
Do you have the habit of buying new shirts, pants or shoes just before meeting a guy on a first date? If so, here are a few questions: How’s that been working? and Do you really think that designer shirt is going to make him like you more?
First date clothing thoughts:
- Wear something you are comfortable in
- It’s OK to not look perfect
- Remember it’s just a date
Related: What to pack in your first date kit
4) Go somewhere quiet
So many people make the mistake of going to the movies on a first date. The obvious problem with this approach is that you won’t be able to talk during the movie (well – you aren’t supposed to). And it’s also a bad idea to go out after a movie on a first date. Why? Because the average film now-a-days is two hours (previews included). See tip 10 later on for more insight.
Here’s some additional options:
- Consider a local ice cream parlor
- Find a not so busy coffee shop
- Try a charity event
5) Make sure it’s easy to get to
This one is painfully obvious but worth mentioning all the same. If you have to spend tons of time traveling to a first date location, it’s probably not worth it.
There needs to be mutual sacrifice when you meet someone new. This means he can meet you halfway.
6) Do something that’s not competitive
As a tribe, gay men tend to be highly competitive. Maybe it has something to do with being men – who knows? I want to encourage you with all my might, however, to resist the urge to engage in activities that require you compete.
You may end up humiliating yourself or the guy you are with, depending upon the outcome. There will be time enough to channel that kind of energy – just not on that first get-together.
- Avoid darts, pool or shooting hoops
- It’s OK to talk about sports but don’t put down his team
- Don’t be a topper during discussions
7) Stay away from the bars
Yet another one that you’ve probably heard before but needs to be listed here. I’ll just come right out and say it. If you take your date to a bar on your first encounter, you are sending him the message that you are a lush or you crave the attention of others.
- Kindly say no if he wants to visit a night club (strike that – say no and run away!)
- Be mindful of alcohol consumption wherever you go
- Give yourself permission not to drink at all
8) Ask questions and don’t brag
Have you ever been on a date where the person sitting across from you couldn’t stop talking about himself? It sucked, didn’t it!? And what probably made it worse was he didn’t bother to ask you questions – like where you are from or what hobbies you might have.
The point here is to NOT be “that guy” on a first date. The best teachers in life are often the negative experiences we’ve had. That means learning to not replicate the ugly.
Related: Does he want a date or a hookup?
9) Leave your friends behind
No – you can’t combine a first date with another activity, like hanging out with friends. It’s sad that I have to mention this but too many gay men pull this one.
Think about what kind of message you are sending to your date when you ask him to tag along while you chill with your buds – people he probably doesn’t know?!
10) Do something that doesn’t last more than three hours
There’s no hard and fast rule on this tip but many people feel three hours is the maximum amount of time that should be spent on a first date. Here’s why – if you spend too much time with him, you aren’t allowing the opportunity for him to want more.
Give him just enough of a taste to hold his interest, which hopefully will spark interest in a second date!
Gay First Date Final Thoughts
Hopefully, the information I have shared here will be useful to you. On a related note, if you are interested in learning more about first dates, I highly recommend visiting Amazon’s online bookstore.
They have tons of different books on this topic with many that can be instantly downloaded to your tablet or smartphone
Happy gay dating!