Obvious Signs He’s Looking to Hookup
By: John Hollywood
One of the most difficult aspects of gay dating is trying to understand the other guy’s intent. Not that straights don’t face some of the same challenges that gay men do because, in many cases, they do. But let’s just say that in gaydom, the line between hooking up and dating is a little more blurred.
After all, we are the ones that invented apps like Grindr and Scruff, which some guys use as a conduit for romance. That may seem silly but it’s true – apps that have traditionally been used for the purposes of obtaining sex are now used as part of a wider arsenal of dating possibilities.
So how can you tell if that guy you are chatting with wants to date you or do you? Are there any telltale signs that you should look out for? And how can you communicate your boundaries without coming off as a prick?
What follows are 7 obvious signs that guy you are chatting with is looking to get into your bed and not into your heart. Some of what’s listed below is obvious but other signs will cause you to pause and reflect. Be sure to read them all in order to make a healthy diagnosis of the situation.
Are you ready? Let’s jump right in.
1. He tells you he wants sex
We are listing this one first because some gay men seem to want to create a romance dynamic where one doesn’t exist. And so if you are messaging a guy who wants to know only about your anatomy, don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fashion what’s happening into a date.
If that is not what you are looking for, communicate this to him right away and move on. And it doesn’t hurt to include language in your profile that speaks to your expectations.
2. He doesn’t take time to get to know you
A guy who wants to date you is necessarily going to be curious about who you are. He’ll want to know your interests, hobbies, and basic background information.
Guys who are just looking to hookup, however, could care less about any of these topics. If the only thing the dude asks you is: How big are you and What are you into, take it as a super strong sign that he’s looking for a physical connection only.
3. He never wants to go on a real date
When a guy wants to date you, there’s a good chance he will want to do something that involves an external activity. Examples include grabbing a coffee together, going to a movie or checking out a concert.
If the guy you have been chatting with continually wants to hang at your place (or his), it’s a likely indicator that he’s looking to get his groove on.
4. He ghosts you after chatting
Have you ever talked to a guy who you really liked but then for no apparent reason, he drops off the face of the earth? It sucks, huh? Well, reflect a bit about your interactions with that man and you may be able to ascertain why he ghosted you.
If your questions were aimed at trying to find out more about him and his responses were elusive, that’s a clue you should pay attention to. Guys who want to date will almost always offer some insight into who they are and their background. But if he’s looking to mess around, he’s not going to be so open. It’s just a reality of our hook up culture.
5. He only contacts you for sex
Sometimes, hookups turn into something more – and sometimes they don’t. If after that initial encounter the two of you start spending more time together, he may want to introduce you to his inner circle. Here, we are talking about friends and family. Not bad, huh?
But if the two of you have hooked up and he doesn’t contact you again except for sex, take it for what it is and assume he’s just looking for a f*&@ bud. Perhaps this is why there is some truth to the conventional wisdom that it’s not a good idea to put out on the first date?
6. He doesn’t like to use “labels”
Guys who are looking to date usually will communicate their intentions up front. They aren’t afraid to say what they want and they don’t hide behind weasel phrases like, “I don’t like to label things.” If a man says this to you, you can pretty much bet that he’s a player.
Don’t ignore this sign because many gay men are fooled into thinking that if they just wait long enough, the guy will “come around”. The reality is he won’t. That’s because he’s not relationship ready.
7. He doesn’t use your name – ever
The last obvious sign that the guy you are digging is just looking to get down your pants is how he refers to you. If he uses your name, he sees you as an individual. In fact, he will likely sprinkle your name organically through most conversations.
But if he’s looking to hookup, he’s probably not even going to remember your name. Why? Because all he really wants to know is the size of your anatomy and how well the two of you might get along in the sack.
Question: Can you think of any other signs that a guy is looking for a hookup and note a date?