Single and going to the gay bars?
By: Zachary Zane
The first time I went out to a gay bar alone, I was absolutely terrified. I was 22 and in Provincetown, (a gay vacation town on the Massachusetts Cape). I was there visiting my guncle (gay uncle).
When I told him, after watching a movie at the theater, that I just wanted to go back to the house, he told me I had to stay out.
“Don’t go back with me. Have fun. Go out somewhere.” I told him I was nervous and didn’t like going to bars alone. He wasn’t having any of it. “Just go out and have a few drinks and smile. You’re 22 and good-looking. Guys will talk to you.”
So I want out to Atlantic House (or A-House), which is one of the popular gay bars in Provincetown. Immediately, I b-lined to the bar. I chugged one rum and coke. No one smiled at me. No one came up to me. No one talked to me.
I down another. Still, nothing. On my third one I notice this CUTE guy. I’m talking 6 feet, piercing baby blue eyes, 5 o’clock shadow, and biceps you just want to swing off of.
I downed my third and final drink and built up the courage to talk to him, telling him I liked his necklace.
Two hours later I was naked in bed with him on top of me. It… was… amazing.
That was the first time I ever went to a gay bar alone, but after that I was hooked. Even when I go to gay bars now with friends, they all know that I need an hour to venture off alone and meet some new people.
Now I’ve been going out to gay bars alone, all across the world, for three years. Here’s what I learned to make going out to gay bars alone enjoyable and not a nerve-wracking-sipping-your-drink-alone-in-the-corner experience.
1. Get a little tipsy
Unless you’re one of those guys who are super confident, gregarious, and extroverted on their own without drinking, it’s good to have some liquid courage in you. (But if you are one of those guys, why are you even reading this article?
You don’t need any advice.) But just make sure to not get too sloppy or drunk. You just want to get some of those social anxiety jitters out of your system, and a cocktail or two can help with that.
2. Keep your hands out of your pockets
This is a huge no-no. First off, it signifies that you’re nervous and uncomfortable. People will pick up on that and not want to talk to you.
Second, there’s been some research that reveals that when you’re in a power pose (think the way Wonder Woman stands) you can “embody power and instantly become more powerful.”
Honestly, I’m not sure how truthful this is, however, there’s been a lot of research (done by Amy Cuddy out of Harvard), which indicates that standing in more open and expansive poses can increase certain hormones that cause you to feel more confident. So stand up straight and keep your hands out of your pockets!
3. Live by the three-second rule
The premise of the three-second rule is simple: If you want to talk to a guy, you have three seconds to approach and say something.
The more you overthink it, and the more you worry about what to say, the less likely you are to approach. So if you see a guy, and you want to talk, just do it.
You know how when you were younger, and your grandma told you that smiling is how you’re going to attract your wife (this was before she knew you were gay)?
Well grandma is 100% spot on. Except you’re gonna get some D instead of P with it. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you’re not Ryan Gosling (unless for some reason, Ryan, you stumbled across this page at which point you definitely are Ryan Gosling). Don’t make a sexy scowl while you lean up against the wall of the bar. That BS does not work.
Related: Which Ryan would you rather?
That closed off body language and unwelcoming facial expression aren’t going to get people to talk to you. People go out to have fun. So be fun. Easiest way to look like you’re having fun and are a fun person? Show off those pearly whites of yours.
If you do these things, you’re guaranteed to have a good time and meet some cute boys. Sure, not every night will be eventful, but at least you won’t feel awkward in your own skin, twiddling your thumbs at the bar without knowing how to behave.
7. Have right expectations
The final point I’ll make here is obvious but worth mentioning all the same. Basically, it’s to keep your expectations in check.
Sure, be open to meeting guys and the possibility of connecting with someone special. But don’t set yourself up for disappointment by making that the central focus of bar hopping.
Related: Why gay bars are vanishing
Instead, tune into having fun. Not only will you enjoy yourself more, you’ll also magnetically attract other men to you. That’s because people gravitate towards happy.