I’m all for role play but this request is just too much to ask
By: Phillip in CT.
“Hey, baby – I know it’s weird. But can’t we try it just once?”
That’s what my boyfriend, Michael, texted me last night as we made plans for a sleepover at his place. And it wasn’t the first time he’s hinted at me fulfilling this role play fantasy.
You see Michael* wants me to rape him. Well, sort of. I’ll explain more in a bit.
Let me tell you a little about me and how I met the guy I’ve only recently started seeing. It always helps to have some background information, right?
It’s pretty standard. We met on Coffee Meets Bagel; a dating app that has an LGBT option. He swiped me, I swiped him and we soon found ourselves sharing French roasts at a neighborhood café.
Describing Michael is somewhat difficult but I’ll try. He’s 32 years old, has an athletic, otter build and holds a somewhat slight resemblance to actor Chris Wood.
Related: Chris Wood background and bio
On our first date, it took me awhile to tune into him. Not because he was boring but instead, because his looks were mesmerizing.
Ever have that happen? You know, where you meet a guy that is so attractive that it makes it hard to concentrate. Well that’s how it was for me.
And it didn’t help that Michael’s personality was so charming. Between his carefully placed questions about “my likes”, sprinkled in with several well placed compliments, I found myself utterly captivated.
Before I knew it, we had spent nearly two hours talking. The barista gave us gentle hints it was time to go because the shop was closing up. Because I lived only two blocks away, Michael offered to walk me home.
That’s when I found out he’s the king of cheese, in a cute, alluring kind of way.
“Surely heaven must be missing an angel,” he said as we kissed on my doorstep. “I hope I can spend time with you again. There’s something about you. Grrrrr.”
Umm – yeah, I was hooked. I can still remember his blue eyes piercing through me when he said those words to me.
And so for the past three months, we’ve been casually dating. In that time, I’ve learned lots of other things about him that most guys would consider real pluses.
For example, he’s got a good job and makes decent coin. He also owns his own condo and from near as I can tell, doesn’t have a lot of debt. He’s fairly close to his family, although I’m not sure how many of them know he’s gay.
In the bedroom, Michael is truly versatile. I say this because in my experience, a lot of guys claim to do both but when you get them behind closed doors, it becomes obvious they have a preference.
And me? I’m mostly bottom, although depending upon the guy I might go top but it takes someone special for that to occur. It almost happened with Michael however, something he said freaked me out.
One night while we were messing around in his bed, he turned to me with a grin and asked, “Are you into role play?”
Hey, I’m no neophyte. I’ve done my fair share fantasy play with guys in the past – from pretending to be “Doctor” to the “Fed Ex” guy making a special delivery. You name it, I’ve probably done it.
But his request was just too out there.
When I asked him more about what he was looking to do, he spelled in out in very concrete terms.
I want you to pretend you are a thief and wear a mask. You break into the condo and find me in the living room. Then I want you to threaten me with a gun and use force to top me.
When he said the “gun” part, he pointed towards a box in his closet. I would later find out that it holds an unloaded 38, under lock and key. There’s also a mask in there.
He could tell by my reaction that his request was a no go. I mean hey – come on – this wasn’t your standard role play stuff. Shit, it wasn’t even pup play; something I could at least get my head around. And it wasn’t a seduction scene either. Ever do one of those? You know, where one guy pretends to be the “straight guy” while the other dude has his way.
No – this was a gay rape fantasy and an extreme one at that. It also happened to serve as a buzzkill for the rest of the night.
Since that time, he’s hinted at it here and there. One time while we were spooning on the couch, he said, “Have you given more thought to it?”
There was no need to remind me of what “it” was. Instinctively, I knew exactly what he was talking about. And I tried to explain to him that I simply couldn’t do what he was asking.
What’s really weird is that Michael’s charming personality also has an aggressive, dominant side. In other words, inside and outside of the bedroom, he likes to “take charge”, if that makes sense.
He’s an associate partner for a medium sized law firm and is on track for making full partner over the next few years. My understanding is you kind of have to be assertive to land those kind of jobs.
A friend of mine named Tim* is a psychologist. When I confided in him my boyfriend’s bizarre sexual request, he told me Michael may have psychopathic tendencies.
Related: Signs your boyfriend is a psychopath
Here’s what he texted me when I told him I didn’t think my man was a nut bag.
“Don’t confuse psychopaths with crazy. Most of them are extremely high functioning, charming and successful.”
And then he added:
“It’s not uncommon for dominant men who hold powerful or stressful positions to harbor fantasies about being beat up, abused or in this case, raped.”
In the final analysis, Tim thinks I should end the relationship because he suspects Michael is a chameleon, hiding his true identity under a veil of charm.
During our most recent sexual encounters, I’ve noticed that when he’s servicing me, he likes to put my hands around his neck and apply pressure. Yep, I’m talking about squeezing here in ways that could be interpreted as choking.
And then there’s that text I got last night. A not so subtle reminder that he wants me to rape him – even if it is fantasy play.
Honestly, I’m so confused. I really like this guy. He’s very good to me and we get along well. But his persistent requests to do extreme role play, despite my obvious disinterest, just freaks me out.
And the fact that he has a gun and mask in a lockbox makes me think he’s done this before.
Why else would he have it?
Is he acting out something that’s happened to him in his past? Worse, he is replaying a scene from real life where he’s the rapist?
I’m not sure what’s going to happen but I have a feeling our relationship isn’t going to make it. I just can’t do what he’s asking.
I just can’t.
*Name changed per request of author