Bro jobs are yesterday’s dude sex
Move over bro jobs and make room for dude sex! Oh, didn’t you hear? Dude sex (also referred to as bud sex) is the newest term making the rounds to describe rural white men who identify as straight engaging in some form of gay sex.
The genesis of the phrase “dude sex” (aka bud sex) can be traced to a paper that researcher Tony Silva wrote for the University of Oregon entitled: Bud-Sex: Constructing Normative Masculinity among Rural Straight Men That Have Sex With Men.
Mr. Silva suggests that dude sex usually happens with guys who say they are straight but none the less hook up with other men in a mutually beneficial dynamic.
Apparently, many of the men are family guys, with wives and kids to boot. But above all, they think of themselves as heterosexual.
But because they live in such small communities, they sometimes lean on one another to get certain needs met without making it super complicated.
As part of his research into men who have sex with men in the boonies, Silva conducted personalized, narrative based interviews with 19-white guys who consider themselves to be straight.
As part of his discussions, he learned that most all of them had a listing on Craiglist’s M4M (men seeking men) casual encounter page.
According to the demographic data, all of the guys came from socially conservative stock and were scattered across the states of Missouri, Illinois, Oregon, Washington, or Idaho.
Even though these rural men had a history of hooking up with other men, most considered themselves to be “exclusively” or “mostly” straight. There was a smattering who self-identified as “straight but bi, but more straight.”
Based on the in-depth conversations Silva has with these men, he discovered the following. We’ve paraphrased below:
– Dude sex is a way of “helping” a buddy out.
– Bud jobs are great for “relieving urges”.
– Dude sex offers a pathway to experimentation
– Bud sex is a permission slip to hook up without being “gay”
When you process their rationale for getting it on with fellow “straight guys”, their acts allow them to explore and investigate what it’s like to have sex with another man without the labels; particularly ones they consider negative, such as “gay”.
Apparently, the men that Mr. Silva spoke to heavily leaned towards other “straight guys” that held similar characteristics to the types of men they were seeking.
For example, being masculine, having a wife and kids was a real plus!
“This is a key element of bud-sex,” he records in his study. “Partnering with other men similarly privileged on several intersecting axes—gender, race, and sexual identity—allowed the participants to normalize and authenticate their sexual experiences as normatively masculine.”
By servicing other guys similar to them, Mr. Silva notes that many of the men didn’t feel going down on another guy threatened their straight identities.
But here is the thing – these same men felt that if they hooked up with a guy that was “too flamboyant”, “flamin queers” or “effeminate faggot type[s]”, it meant were “gay”. It was also a real turn off.
One of the participants in the study offered the following insight: “If I wanted someone that acts girlish, I got a wife at home.”
Here are some more quotes as part of the research paper that you might find of interest:
“A guy that I would consider more like me, that gets blowjobs from guys every once in a while, doesn’t do it every day,” said one participant.
Here’s another comment:
“They’re manly guys, and doing manly stuff, and just happen to have oral sex with men every once in a while. So, that’s why I kinda prefer those types of guys.”
In some ways, the sentiments held by these men are in line with other types of research that have explored the phenomenon of straight identifying men going gay but still considering themselves to be heterosexual. Examples of this can be found in our piece about the increasing number of straight men getting turned on by gay imagery.
Back to the University of Oregon paper. As Silva’s observations go, he suggests that other reasons these rural white guys like engaging in dude sex (not gay sex) is because the experience was much quicker.
Plus, there were few concerns about becoming emotionally attached or developing complicated feelings.
Here is another quotes:
“I think I identify with them more because that’s kinda, like [how] I feel myself. And bi guys, the same way. We can talk about women, there [have] been times where we’ve watched hetero porn, before we got started or whatever, so I kinda prefer that.”
But these weren’t the only reasons offered. Apparently, the men like the close friendships they have with the guys they are servicing. The oral sex part is just part of the otherwise “straight” relationship.
Here’s another fun quote taken from the interview that offers insight:
“We talk for an hour or so, over coffee,” said one fellow. “Then we’ll go get a blowjob and then part our ways.”
“I go on road trips, drink beer, go down to the city [to] look at chicks, go out and eat, shoot pool, I got one friend I hike with,” another man revealed. “It normally leads to sex, but we go out and do activities other than we meet and suck.”
A third guy added: “If my wife’s gone for a weekend, I’ll go to his place and spend a night or two with him … We obviously do things other than sex, so, yeah, we go to dinner, go out and go shopping, stuff like that.”
So there you have it. Bro jobs are out, at least for rural white guys and dude sex is in!
The question for you is – do you think these men can really call themselves straight?