Gay dating and confidence
By: John Hollywood
Gay dating can be difficult. First, you have to work up the nerve to put yourself out there. Second, there’s the challenge of determining mutual attraction. Finally, someone needs to ask: Do you want to meet?
That’s why when you do go out on a first date, it’s critical to make a strong first impression. Part of this involves coming across as confident.
In plain speak, confidence is the ability to trust yourself and convey that sense to others. Appearing confident is half the battle. Here’s the thing – you don’t necessarily have to feel confident in order to come across that way.
That may sound odd but it also happens to be true.
You see confidence is something we build by doing. And so if you want other gay men to think you are confident, you have to carry yourself in a way that transmits that message.
What follows are five gay dating tips for appearing more confident. Some of these may seem like common sense. Others may strike you as insightful. Read them all in order to fully absorb their deeper meaning.
FYI: These tips can also apply to other life areas, so don’t restrict their use to the dating world.
Let’s jump right in!
1. Stand up straight
Believe it or not, body language is important. This is why you want to stand erect when you walk. A straight spine communicates strength and purpose.
- Face forward with your chin up
- Shoulders squared and not slumped
- Chest raised but not puffed out
Smiling communicates that you are approachable. If you are shy or socially awkward, remembering to smile can sometimes be challenging. If that describes you, consider these suggestions:
- To be emotionally present with the guy sitting across from you, purge your mind of extraneous thoughts. This will make it easier to organically smile at appropriate moments.
- Tilt your head slightly to emphasize cuteness. This one is particularly helpful if you want to draw your date in and let him know you are listening to what he has to say.
- Add a laugh or a giggle if it feels right.
- Don’t force yourself to smile or it will look fake.
3. Make eye contact
They say the eyes are the window to the soul. But if you don’t make good eye contact, how can anyone see in? Learning how to establish strong eye contact can be hard at first but mastering this skill is essential if you want to communicate confidence.
- Think gaze instead of staring.
- When you make a point, look directly at the person. The same holds true when he is speaking to you.
- Open both eyes wide and smile when he tells a joke that you find funny.
4. Lean slightly forward
When the guy you are with is sharing something with you, lean into him. The same holds true if you are trying to emphasize a meaningful point. Some tips here include:
- Slightly lean towards his direction when walking
- Avoid pulling back when being spoken to
- Combine eye contact with leaning behaviors
- Leaning is not the same as getting too Be mindful of personal space.
5. Shake hands firmly
Have you ever shaken a guy’s hand and it felt like a wet noodle? Did the experience instill confidence in him? If you want to avoid being “that guy”, try using the following tips:
- Extend your right hand outward and firmly grasp his hand.
- Slightly shake two or three times.
- Keep your hand perpendicular to the ground; avoid rolling sideways
- Be sure to include eye contact from point number three
Gay Dating and Confidence
It’s OK to feel excited and nervous when you are on a date – all at the same time. Believe it or not, there’s a gift in that anxiety.
Any good actor will tell you that unless he feels an adrenaline rush, he’s not really going to give a top-notch performance. In other words, let some of that anxiety work for you!
Obviously, it is important to be authentic. But that doesn’t mean you have to wait until you feel confident in order to start dating.
Remember, communicating the strength of your character (confidence) happens through doing. Try these tips the next time you are out on a date.
You might be surprised at the results.