Spice Up Your Gay Relationship
If you are a gay man that is fortunate enough to be in a longer term relationship, there’s a good chance that at some point, things might feel dull. This is a common phenomenon that happens in both gay and straight relationships alike.
If you can relate, there are some practical things that you can do to create positive change in your love life. The truth is, you don’t have to do anything dramatic to spice things up. Sometimes, classic and old fashioned approaches work best.
What follows are 8 specific things you can do if you feel your relationship has lost that “loving feeling”. Some of these suggestions may seem intuitive while others might cause you to pause and reflect.
Read them all in order to fully absorb their deeper meaning. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in!
1. Make Time for the Relationship
It’s easy to get caught up in the business of life. How many of us feel that we are “married to our jobs” or in some way connected to work related activities while we are off the clock?
Meaningful, lasting relationships take time and energy. This means you need to specifically make your love life a priority. A good question to ask yourself is this: Are you working to live or living to work?
Getting this point right can often make the difference between being a constantly single gay man or in a relationship with someone for the long-term.
2. Actually Go On Dates
Have the two of you been together for so long that you can’t remember the last time you did something as a couple … other than watching TV or a movie? Just because you two have been lovers since the stone ages doesn’t mean you shouldn’t continue to go out on dates.
It doesn’t have to be anything formal. A simple plan to meet for dinner or join one another at a show might be just what you guys need put a little sparkle back into things.
3. Put Boundaries Around Technology
Kick your work and personal interests out of the bedroom. This means click off that TV, turn off those smart-phones and toss your tablets into another room. In other words, get rid of external extractions to the extent possible.
One of the surest ways to erode intimacy is to let the outside world into your private, intimate space. Your bedroom should be a place of restoration, sharing and healing.
There will be plenty of time later to check messages on your phone or drool over Gio Benitez reporting on ABC. Why not enjoy the bed with your man and actually talk to one another instead of escaping to a faux electronic world?
4. Kiss One Another – For Real
They say passion is best spread through word of mouth. Demonstrate that you love your man through physical touch – which in this case means kissing.
Has it been a long time since you pressed your lips against your man’s? Read this post about guys kissing on TV for some quick reminders. You don’t have to be into PDA under this point but it’s cool if you want to be.
5. Be Mindful of Your Appearance
When you are in a longer term relationship, it is super easy to let your looks go. To be sure, one of the benefits of being with someone is not having to constantly get all dolled up to make an impression. Still, being in a long term relationship isn’t an excuse to let yourself go.
This point goes back to suggestion #1 about making time for your relationship. Part of this means taking care of yourself so that you remain attractive to your man. You don’t have to try and be perfect (see our gay narcissist post).
You do want to at least make an effort. See the difference?
6. Intentionally Include Romance
At the start of most relationships, romance in heavy doses is almost a given. But what about after year 3, 5 or 15 – do you still have that loving feeling? If not, this particular suggestion is for you.
There are many different ways that you can bring some sizzle back to your love life doesn’t include buying expensive gifts or going on elaborate trips.
What would it be like to write a love letter to your man? How about making him breakfast in the morning? You get the idea. If you are looking for more practical ways to inject an element of romance into your relationship, consider these 10 tips from the Couples Counseling Center.
7. Switch Positions
One of the main reasons gay men become bored in their relationships relates to what’s happening – or not happening in the bedroom. Some of us think the answer is to reach for a third. We’re not judging this approach but have you considered other options?
And so if the both of you have been caught in a rut where you are doing the same things over and over again, it might be a good idea to introduce basic changes. Hey, a little bit of change can go a long way!
Examples include switching from the “top bunk” to the bottom or engaging in fantasy role play. You or your man can even pretend to be a character from a movie. There are lots of celebrity examples on this website to choose from so be sure to look around!
8. Make Sure You Get Rest
This last point may seem a bit odd but work with us for a moment. Sleep is perhaps one of the most underrated life areas that’s talked about yet it is key to successful relationships.
First, when both of you are well rested, you are less irritable and less likely to get on one another’s nerves. Second, you will look more attractive. That may sound vein but it’s totally true. This means you means more energy for your relationship, which may translate into greater intimacy.
Relationship Book for Gay Men
If you are looking for more information on how to enhance the level of closeness in your relationship, one book to consider is the Five Languages for Men by Gary Chapman.
What’s nice about this read is the practical, real world advice for men, regardless of sexual orientation, on how to best bring your “A Game” to your relationship.
Let’s face it – being with someone takes time, energy and effort. Relationships don’t “just happen”, which is why most people consider them to be special in the first place.
Even if you are a single gay man, the book suggested above may help you at some point in the future.
Hopefully, the information in this article was useful to you. Be sure to read our other posts about gay relationships, including some of our fun parodies on different movies!