5 Ways Rejection Fears Prevent Gay Men from Having Sex

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Stop sabotaging your sex life

Do you sit at home at night, wishing desperately you could meet a guy for sexy time? Do you scroll through profiles on the hookup apps, only to chicken out when you get an invite?

Are you tired of telling your friends, “I haven’t had sex in months!”

If you are answering yes to these questions, you aren’t alone. The fact of the matter is a lot of gay men deny themselves a potentially wonderful sexual experience because they fear being judged by a hookup partner.

This makes sense when one consider how body focused many of us are in gaydom.

It doesn’t have to be this way – for real.

What follows are 5 concrete ways that you can move past being a sexual anorexic go about this business of enjoying a gratifying moment.

FYI: The tips given here need to be looked at in their totality. Review them all so you can see the big picture.

fears of rejection gay men

1. Unrealistic expectations

One of the major ways sexual anorexia sets in for gay men is holding unrealistic expectations about connecting with another.

If you believe every sexual experience needs to conclude with a “Fourth of July” moment, think again. In truth, most bedroom experiences are simply “good” – not great.

[Working through sexual dry spells]

Wouldn’t you rather enjoy a little something than a whole lot of nothing?

2 Clinging to roles

Yet another way some gay men become sexual anorexics is by clinging to a sexual role. Examples include insisting you bottom or requiring that you top.

The end result?

You miss out on lots of opportunities that could be satisfying, meaningful and fun. Believe it or not, two bottoms can have a great time.

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3. Fat shaming fears

So you aren’t built like an Adonis. Maybe you don’t have 16inch biceps and a 29-inch waist. But ask yourself, how many people do?

Many gay men deny themselves the opportunity to hook up with an interested party because they keep playing a tape in their mind that says: “He’s not going to like me because I’m fat.”

But is that really true?

What would it be like if you replaced that tape with a narrative that said something else such as, “I’m open to whatever might happen. He might like me or not but I’ll never know unless we meet.”

4. Not allowing yourself to be pleased

A lot of us are programmed to please another in a sexual experience. While there’s nothing wrong with this, too much focus on him can lead to sexual anorexia.

Here’s why.

When you are so caught up in making sure his needs are met, you deny yourself the opportunity to allow the man to please you. This is a common trait of men who are emotionally codependent.

What would it be like if you gave yourself permission to be serviced and simply enjoy the moment?

5. Other rejection fears

“I’m too short” and “I’m not hung enough” are just a few of the myriad of fears some gay men have that prevent them from being with another.

Over the course of time, these fears can manifest into body distortions that act as a blockade to relationships, sex and more.

If this describes you, it’s time to do something about it. Reach out to a helping professional that specializes in cognitive therapy.

These types of professionals are trained to help disrupt irrational thoughts so that you can have a healthier self-view.

Summing Things Up

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a healthy sexual experience. What becomes unhealthy is when we deny ourselves something special because we’re paralyzed with fear.

Remember, sexual experiences are a two-street. Stop worrying about what he might think about you and instead focus on what you think about yourself.