Healthy Gay Relationships Aren’t Plastered on Facebook

gay couple dating relationships

The less you read about a relationship, the better it’s going

First, I want to say I think it’s important for gay men to celebrate their relationships in a public way. This means allowing ourselves to be pictured with our partners and from time to time, posting on social media.

There’s nothing wrong with this.




What’s more, the importance of public sharing is particularly necessary when a same sex couple marries or when something significant happens; like a vacation or family event.

Related: 10 ways I make my gay husband happy

But that’s not what this post is about. Instead, I’m talking about gay men who think it’s incumbent upon themselves to document each and every moment with their partner.

Let me give you an example:

Not too long ago, a person I know hired a photographer to take pics of his proposal. That’s right, he paid $200.00 for a guy with a camera to memorialize the exact moment he got on bended knee to ask for his man’s hand in marriage.

Replete with rose petals and a candle lit path to boot, the whole thing was staged to look like it came out of a Hallmark Channel movie.

And of course, once the pictures were developed, he posted them on Facebook immediately. This is same guy who also takes random selfies of himself spooning, like his man was some kind of trophy.

Related: If you want a boyfriend, why do you live on Grindr?

But here’s the thing. They never got married. In fact, news of their breakup was just posted on social media (of course). Which goes to prove that just because you see a fairy tale romance online does not mean it’s happening in real life.

In their situation, both men were cheating on each other. Don’t ask me how I know this – I just do. And they had only been dating one another for six months. Kind of soon to get hitched, don’t you think?

Which makes me wonder why they put on such a big production in the first place? Were they trying to convince themselves they loved one another? Did they want onlookers to be envious?

Who knows. But here is what I have observed over the years.

Anytime you see a couple (gay or straight really) oversharing pictures on social media, alarm bells should be going off.

That’s because healthy relationships always speak for themselves. They don’t need photographic props or “convincers”.

These couples know that constantly showing your love to third parties cheapens what they have because when you have an audience, everything feels like a performance.

The real validation they receive doesn’t come from hundreds of “Likes” but instead, from each other.

By: John Hollywood


  • Jon Markle

    Your anecdotal “evidence” is sadly lacking in data to support the facts. Personally, I don’t think those of us who are in long term relationships overshare any more than our straight counterparts. It’s not that we want to show off, or any of those other negative labels you stuck on us. We just like sharing our lives with family and friends, in the same way as they share their lives with us. My mom kept volumes of photos (pre Internet) of our family as we journeyed through life. These are treasures of our lives and memories, about which the photos could only show snippets. I’m grateful that today we have the ability to share the same kind of memories, only more instantly and with the accompaniment of words. I think your observations are belittling, negative and just wrong.

    • Jon,

      As someone who has been in a relationship for 25-years (and married), I think you have misunderstood what was shared here. I encourage you to reread the post.

      Perhaps you will notice that I implicitly said it was important for gay couples to share photos on Facebook and other forms of social media. I did it in the first paragraph. And you must have also missed that I said “Straight” too and not just gay people.

      My point here is that there are some people who take pictures not to capture memories but instead, to put on a production for audiences. There entire relationship is for personal PR .

      There is a big difference between a couple being on vacation and snapping a picture for fun and then sharing vs. someone who stages an entire event for the purpose of plastering it all over Facebook for “Likes:

      Interesting how we perceive things sir.

    • michaelblue

      Typical homo. Attack. This author never said gay people overshare. Here is what he wrote, “Anytime you see a couple (gay or straight really) “. I think your observations are misinformed and wrong. You really should read the post again and not be so ready to go off on people. He basically supported exactly what you are suggesting. Guessing you never go on Facebook. Learn to read.

  • michaelblue

    I agree with this post very much. I love seeing gay and straight couples post pictures online. But I don’t like the ones who take pics everyday and put them all over facebook. It’s like they are trying to prove to everyone something. The people I know who do this have crappy relationships. The long term couples I know don’t need to do it. And when they do share with friends on Facebook it has real meaning.

  • Bill Brithmore

    Yep, there are a lot of people who feel the need to record every second of their relationship. I’ve known couples who literally take pictures of first year anniversary cards and go out on Facebook and ask people “should I buy this one?”. Or couples who take the “food selfies”. Give me a break! . We don’t need a play by play of your love life.

  • Konrad Checinski

    Thank you sincerely for this post, needed to see this this morning after the way i have been feeling since my ex left and is plastering his lofe online

    • Hi, Konrad,

      Sorry to hear about your breakup. I can imagine how incredibly painful it must be to see that.

      • Konrad Checinski

        It is, but atleast now I understand and that gives me comfort. Thank you!!!! 😊

  • Ian Smith

    This article hits close to home for me but only because it made me second guess something that I enjoy. My husband and I are very dynamic characters, he’s an actor and I do something in IT that he can never seem to articulate. I don’t post every picture I take but I do post snippets of our conversations because they are funny AF…like the time I asked him if he thought I was hot and he said me too…go turn down the air. I disagree, somewhat, about alarm bells. A lot goes into the what makes some couples work. Some live content in open relationships, others prefer to just live their lives away from the lime light, some of us live so far away from friends and family that we share the inane moments that crack us up, and there are those who troll facebook for behavior that they find distasteful.

    I’m not here to judge…just trying to offer a different perspective.

    • Hi Ian,

      Thanks for sharing and I appreciate you stopping by. 😊

  • Michael Cooney

    I’m not convinced that there actually is a difference between couples who share a lot and couples who do not. We definitely notice the breakups of couples who share everything a whole lot more, but do we really notice all the breakups of couples who don’t? In fact, whole relationships might come and go unnoticed by us if the couple is very private.

    The vast majority of couples don’t make it. I’m not sure a couple’s propensity for attention-seeking is a good predictor of longevity. And what about couples where one partner attention seeks and the other does not? And what does this imply about people who share everything on Facebook: that they are incapable of having a lasting relationship?

    This needs some data, not just hunches 😉

    • Hi, Michael,

      But aren’t you generalizing here? The “vast majority” isn’t known.

      And there are no implications here for people who share on Facebook, unless you draw conclusions on your own.

      And I never introduced the question of longevity as a predictor of attention seeking behaviors. Although that might make for a good research question in a dissertation.

      The central idea being communicated here is that healthy couples don’t need validation from external sources.

      Thanks for stopping by 🐒

  • I don’t believe that who over document their lives are unhealthy. Maybe a little vain, but not necessarily unhealthy.

    I’m single and I document a lot of my life through pictures and Facebook checkins. Does it mean I’m putting on a show? I’m documenting it more for memory’s sake than anything else but also you can tell a lot of people at the same time that way

  • Rose petals, not “pedals.”