I was Fat Shamed on an Atlantis Gay Cruise

gay fat shame

A group of muscle jocks decided to nickname me “Jiggles” as they slapped on my muffin top during a dance party.

By: Mark in Minneapolis

Being overweight on a gay cruise ship isn’t a good idea. Well, that was my experience.

Last year, I was talked into going on an Atlantis Cruise by my friend Adam.

You’ve seen the advertisements for gay cruises, right?

It’s always a bunch of young, muscled up guys that look like they jumped right out of an Andrew Christian Ad.

In fact, I wonder sometimes if the marketing gurus don’t hire models just to lure us gays in?

Anyway … I digress.

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When Adam sprung the whole gay cruise thing on me, I was hesitant to agree because of my long- standing body image issues.

You see, I’m one of those gay men that happens to have love handles. No, I’m not obese or anything like that. I guess I would fit into the heavy cub territory?

If I had to describe myself, I guess I resemble a heavier version of Matt Damon, circa 2008. He was still handsome, right?

So anyway, it took a lot of arm-pulling on his part but I agreed to go. I gulped when he told me the price tag would be north of $2,500.00 for a Sky Suite – and that didn’t include airfare or hotel.

When you added everything up, it was near $4000.00. But I figured you only live once so why not?

Our Atlantis cruise was set to sail in March, which gave me roughly six months to get myself into better shape. I knew I wasn’t going to completely get rid of my love handles but I could, at least, reduce them to something respectable.

My goal was to move from a size 38 pair of jeans down to 36. It would take a lot of work but I was determined to do it. And so I hired a personal trainer and forced myself to go to almost every day.

muffin top selfie man
Not too bad – just a small muffin top

By the time our trip rolled around, I had made significant progress. I was down to a 35 – which was one size smaller than what I had hoped.

Yes, I still had a muffin top but it wasn’t pouring over my belt like Niagara Falls anymore. I was proud of myself.

Off to the Gay Atlantis Cruise

When you go on a cruise, you typically fly a day or two before to the departure date. In our case, Adam and I would be sailing from San Juan, Puerto Rico. We decided to give ourselves two days in San Juan because the flight from Minneapolis can be long and grueling.

In our case, we flew on Delta because they are the big carrier out of here. Between the both of us, we had enough frequent flier miles to upgrade to first, which kind of helped.

On the plane ride, I kept replaying in my head that campy commercial from Carnival Cruise Lines from years ago. You’ve seen it – the one with Kathie Lee Gifford?

I supposed now would be a good time to tell you a little about my friend Adam. Like me, he’s 35 years old. He’s very good looking and works as a yoga instructor. After being introduced to one another at a party several years earlier, we just kind of hit it off.

He’s a football nut like me and we both have a passion for the Vikings. And no, we never messed around or anything. We’re just close friends.

I will say that whenever we go out in public, I often feel like I’m his DUFF – you know, the Designated Ugly Fat Friend.

If you don’t know what that’s all about, be sure to check out the movie with Robbie Amell.

Oh, I honestly don’t think he intends me to play that role. I’m just saying it feels that way sometimes.

Adam's Body Shot
Adam’s Body Shot – Ridiculous, Huh?

Adam is probably 5’11, 160 pounds and has a set of abs you can flip a quarter on. In fact, he looks a lot like Robbie Amell bod-wise, including his bright blue eyes.

The only difference is that Adam has body hair. I’ve got a selfie oh him that I’m including here. He wouldn’t let me include his face and I guess I understand that.

Puerto Rico

So once we got to Puerto Rico and arrived at the Sheraton Hotel in Old San Juan, we were wiped out. After we checked in and settled into the room, it was already 5 pm. Mind you, we had left at 6:30 in the morning. Adam suggested we grab a bite to eat before calling it a night.

Across the street from the Sheraton are the San Juan cruise ports where all of the giant ships line up. We could see our ship, The Summit, already docked with workers busily loading her with food and beverage stocks.

We found a restaurant nearby and took in the sites. It was kind of fun to imagine what the next week might hold for us.

Would there be a bunch of hot guys on the ship? Were there going to be a bunch of Twinks or would it be a collection of heavy leather trolls? Maybe a mix of hairy otters?

Ships docked at San Juan Harbor
Ships docked at San Juan Harbor

As we continued talking, we noticed four guys getting out of a cab. Immediately you could tell they were going to be on our gay cruise ship – they were loud, obnoxious and super Nellie. Even though chiffon was coming out of their mouths as they shouted and laughed at one another, they were all hot.

My body image issues became activated badly. I thought to myself: “Crap, are all the guys going to look like this?”

Adam and I finished dinner and then headed back to our room. In the lobby of the Sheraton, we could see more guys checking in for the Southern Caribbean Cruise. Maybe 20 of them? I can’t say all of them were attractive but at least half of them were.

I think Adam could tell I was a bit anxious, particularly when it was obvious the boys were looking our way – and not at me.

The next morning we got up and decided to have a chill day. Basically, we walked around Old San Juan and visited all of the cute little shops that line the hilly streets.

And let me tell you, those streets aren’t easy to walk.

The only thing that got me through it were the occasional stops we would make to look at crap. That and Puerto Rican boys that seemed to be everywhere. I swear, all of them have huge bananas in their pockets.

That night we went to the casino and then hung out in our room. We wanted to get to bed early because we were still tired. There’s a 3 hour time difference between San Juan and Minneapolis so jet lag was still a factor.

Everyone was excited to depart and set sail!
Everyone was excited to depart and set sail!

Atlantis Cruise Sets Sail

Our cruise ship was scheduled to depart at 8 pm. That may seem late but it really isn’t because you can board super early and get yourself settled in.

As we walked onto the Summit, I could see that there were a collection of different guys. Not all of them were attractive like the boys we had seen a few days earlier. There were some older guys, a few paleo-gays and a scattering of jocks.

Once we got to our room, which I have to say was pretty small but nice, I started to relax. Given the scenery from the onboarding process, I took comfort in the knowledge of knowing that other average guys would be sailing with us.

Gay Fat Shamed By Jocks

I won’t bore you with a day by day play of everything that happened during our 7-day cruise. I will tell you that there were several dances, with some that took place on the main deck. They had DJ’s, laser light shows and lots of intense dance music. Sounds fun, right?

Not so fast.

So one night as we sailed in between ports of call, Adam talked me into going with him to one of these parties. He must have felt bad because, during the first three days at sea, he had more people in our room than I can remember.

And that doesn’t count the numerous hours he spent in the sauna area in group scenes. Our cabin seriously smelled like poppers and stank like a bathhouse with all the traffic.

Whoop'n It Up Dancing
Whoop’n It Up Dancing – Notice how fit people are

To keep it real, the only “action” I received was when a really drunk twink invited me into his cabin. In fact, he was so messed up that he could hardly keep his eyes open. We made out a little and I ended up leaving. But at least it was something.

Anyway, Adam and I went to the party. Immediately, I could see that I was going to have problems because most all of the guys were super built.

“Was this a party for jocks only?” I asked. He told me to chill out and just go with the flow.

So we found a spot and ordered some drinks. Guys were dirty dancing everywhere and if I didn’t know any better, I would have thought we were at a white party in Palm Springs. I will admit it was cool watching people having fun.

At some point, Adam got up and joined a group of jock-like wolves that were dancing. Everyone in the group was shirtless and had on tight shorts. He was having a great time and I was happy for him.

About 5 minutes into it, we made eye contact while he was grinding on some guy. He used his hand to motion me towards his direction.

gay atlantis cruise dance party
See the Laser Lights?

I waved him off several times but he kept giving me this really wounded look that told me he wasn’t going to accept no for answer.

I don’t know WTF what I was thinking but I decided to join him on the dance floor.

I have no real way of accurately describing these six wolves except to say they were all chiseled with beach bodies, replete with six packs and hairy chests. If I had to guess, I would say were in their mid to late 30’s. Remember, I had been drinking so some of it is a bit blurry.

So there I am dancing, trying to fit in. Adam whispered in my ear at some point something like: “See, I told you it was going to be a good time.”

Suddenly, one of the wolves asked me when I would be taking my shirt off. You see, I was the only one who still had one on.

Before I could answer, two of the other wolves were behind me, pulling my shirt up from behind and up over my torso.

It was like the music stopped – at least in my mind. I was extremely nervous. But what else could I do except keep dancing? And so that’s what I did – I danced and tried to keep my anxiety in check.

Just when I started to relax, one of the wolves started to pat on my love handles and made a statement that caused everyone else, including Adam, to giggle.

“Look at that muffin top jiggle! It’s like a bowl of Jell-O under laser lights!”

Before I knew it, all of them were taking turns slapping my pads like it was some kind of twisted game of Wack-A-Mole.

The more they slapped it, the more it jiggled. I was horrified and humiliated all at the same time. I remember I just wanted to get away from them.

Do you blame me?

Adam could tell that I was upset and told the guys to cool out. The bigger of the pack apparently didn’t like that and said to him as he looked directly at me:

“If he didn’t want to be made fun of then maybe he should lose some weight.

Why don’t you and your friend Jiggles get lost!”

That’s when Adam started getting into it with the group. I had enough and bolted away as fast as I could. I didn’t even bother looking for my shirt, which was probably somewhere on the deck being trampled on. I just ran like crazy and made it back to our cabin.

Adam returned about 10 minutes after I arrived and spent the rest of the night apologizing to me. He told me that the wolves were likely high on X and to not take it personally. But how could I not?

The Remainder of the Cruise

After that incident happened, I pretty much locked myself in our room for the rest of the trip. The one time I did venture out, I saw two of the guys from the dance getting drinks.

“Hey jiggles, what’s up man?” one of them said to me as I passed by with a smirk on his face.

Yeah, the whole fat shaming thing kind of ruined the trip. I didn’t even get go on any excursions – which kind of sucked because I wanted to go to St. Barts.

Adam tried to comfort me. It’s not that I was playing the victim card or anything but I just was pissed at him … for talking me on the trip … for the attention he had been receiving … and for the dance party incident.

gay fat shamed
I’m still losing weight

Back Home

Once the cruise was over and we got back to Minneapolis, I didn’t talk to him for a long time. And my sense was that he didn’t want to talk to me either. Not because he was mad at me but because it was all super uncomfortable.

I will say that if you want to go on a gay cruise, you will probably have a good time. I mean what happened to me is probably an outlier because there were plenty of guys who weren’t built like an Adonis.

But if you have body image issues, there’s a good chance that they will become activated when you set sail.

If you are overweight or have even a small muffin top, you probably aren’t going to be getting any. Well, I take that back. You might if they’re boozed up.

Have a personal story to share? Make your pitch to the blog? We’d love to hear from you.


  1. It is one of the things you kind of force yourself to accept when you don’t have the “perfect body” is that you are not able to do things like go on a gay cruise and such simply because of bullshit like this.

    And it is a struggle. I myself have some extra weight to lose. When I used to go to clubs, my rule with my friends was I never drove because I had to get smashed to the point I simply did not care and I could cut loose and have a good time even dancing like Shakira one night and doing a damn good job of it if I say so myself. But obviously this was not sustainable so I simply stopped going. I don’t have a Grindr account either and Skruff is being deleted because it’s turned into Grinder II.

    The only thing that really bothers me are the people who offer the back-handed compliments. I’ve lost a good chunk of weight so far but there’s more to go. I get congratulations on it and told how hot I’m going to look when I am finished. But would those same guys who offer up those compliments go out on a date with me? Have sex with me? Of course not.

    • Very true, especially the last paragraph. I am writing from own experience – I’ve lost four stones (56 pounds), carry on working out but for some people who remember me “old” I am still a “Big belly Seb”. It can be hurting but I try to not think of this too much. Losing weight is also an inner transformation, in your mind and soul, helps to improve your self esteem which is way important than any pound less on your body. And it’s lasting. Fingers crossed for all weight losers, you will do it.

        • Thank you John. I know it needs a lot of work but the hardest part wasn’t working out itself but saying no to all that yummy, fat food and drinks, especially booze I’ve enjoyed all my life. But everything is possible if only you want and believe. Btw. I am getting addicted to gpb.com, great job, keep going guys!

      • Yup. Not to mention you learn things about your body and how it works that those gym twits never will. They equate fitness with musculature but they probably have bad movement patterns and will have some nice things bugging them when they get older.

        But ultimately fat shaming is a fear response. Overweight people represent the ultimate terror made real to superficial people who have nothing but their looks to offer anyone else. They’re scared that they will become overweight themselves.

  2. I hate to admit it but I have been on cruise ships where people in my group made fun of people who are overweight. I can’t imagine what it would be like on a gay cruise though? I have a lot of gay friends and know how body focused they can be. I am sorry this happened to you. You traveled with your friend and he has an amazing body. I would feel the same way you did. Adam shouldn’t have asked you to dance like that.

    • It kinda sucks because Adam obviously had good intentions but couldn’t (as most of us in-shape gay guys can’t) really put himself in the shoes of someone who doesn’t share his privilege.

      This article has been sobering to me, I’m going to remember it next time I insist that a friend goes with me to a circuit party even when he doesn’t want to.

  3. As a gay man who has been overweight most of my life, this is exactly the reason I wouldn’t go on a gay cruise. Sure, we’ve heard that they can be great – but I just couldn’t do it to myself.

    • You would have a great time. Cruises are for relaxation, learning about where you are visiting, watching people, NOT being too serious, and enjoying YOU. I think its really sad how so many men have issues with their bodies. It means nothing. You have to like you in life. No one else matters. And don’t go on a gay cruise by yourself! Go with a group or a tour!

    • Dude, your comment is breaking my heart.

      First off, the idea that everyone on a gay cruise looks like the models in the brochures is ridiculous. Cruises can be a blast — sailing around the Caribbean in the sun while your hometown is snowed under — and with a bunch of sissies and drag queens?? Yes, please. (The RSVP brand has a reputation for being less “pretty” than Atlantis, which is now owned by the same parent company. There are also smaller companies and tour operators, some of which cater specifically to guys with bear bodies — google “bear cruises.”)

      But most importantly, you have just this one life and that one body. If you’re breathing, you have a wonderful, amazing body. My body can walk and talk and digest and fuck and dance, too, and those are all amazing bonuses that I try to remember to be grateful for whenever possible.

      Am I ever going to win hottest bod at a gay event? No.
      Are men lining up to ask me out? Nope.
      Do insecure, skinny or muscled guys sometimes project their self-hatred and fears onto my jiggly tits and love handles? It happens.

      None of that is my problem. I got nothing to do over here but get on with enjoying my life.

      I just moved into a dog-friendly building, but I travel too much to own a dog myself. I encounter dogs on leashes in the hall, in the elevator, in the lobby, etc.. I always talk sweetly to them.

      Most of the dogs are just moderately friendly, as dogs in cities — bored with strangers –are. But a few of them seem like they want to hump my leg. A few are shy or aggressive.There’s an adorable little Pekingese that is so sweet with her owner, but I’ve learned that she will try to bite my finger off if my hand gets too close to her. I could focus on the mean dogs and hide in my apartment, afraid I might encounter one of them out there. Or I could live and tolerate some barks in the elevator.

      Men are dogs. If a man shows you he is a mean and nasty, thank him for that lesson and step back, no matter how cute he looks. Odds are there is a friendly stray nearby who would be happy to hump your leg (or at least let you scratch him behind the ear). In fact, the vast majority of us are in the friendly pack, as long as we don’t feel threatened.

      I’ve been on 3 gay cruises so far and have 2 more booked for this year. I have made many friends and had so much fun. I mean laughing until my flabby stomach hurt, dancing until I was exhausted, and getting a sunburn in January kind of fun. There may have been a few of the pretty show dogs who barked or nipped at me once or twice, but I honestly don’t remember. It’s not their fault. They can’t help their poor training.

    • Sorry as a lifetime overweight guy, I made the mistake of going on one years ago, never again. Truly an awful experience. I had much better times at guest houses in Key West than on that nightmare of a cruise,

  4. You spent all that time writing about your horrible experience. If your body bothers you that much, then have you looked at what you eat? Fast food? Lots of sugar? Etc. If you eat a better diet and you’re still chubby, then so what? That’s your body? Who cares what people think? Give it right back to them.

    Why is everyone running around just waiting to feel victimized. You don’t have a brain and a mouth to respond to a bunch of drunk and high gay men?

    Further, you’re on a cruise ship. This is a floating ecological disaster. The damage this does to coral and ocean habitat is astonishing. But let’s focus on your lack of sex instead. The victim here is you, who paid to go onto a floating toilet filled with drunks and expected sensitivity.
    Gay men with their obsession on looks and drugs is a party that is way over. Cruise ships are over. Anyone who attends such things gets what they pay for. What were you expecting? A group of guys discussing philosophy while sipping tea and then a group hug?

    Lie down with dogs ….

    • On a recent cruise, I started thinking what a more ecologically sustainable model would look like. Tapping the abundant solar and wind power at sea, for starters. Tesla branded cruises surely can’t be that far away. And with all that sun, maybe there’s room for some hyper-local agriculture onboard, as well. But you are correct that there is so much room for improvement on that front.

      My most recent cruise was not a gay one. It departed New Jersey and arrived in San Juan, and on a dance floor one night, I saw all kinds of people — black, white, Asian, Latino, men wearing turbans, straight, gay, young, old, relatively wealthy and relatively not — whatever — getting down and getting silly together. It was such a beautiful moment. On land and online now, we tend to group with other people just like ourselves. On that ship after 11pm, there was one place to party and the partying crowd was as diverse a group as I had seen in recent memory. They were not just tolerating each other, they were enjoying the hell out of each other, laughing and dancing together.

      Not to mention that for many people on board, the day stops in ports of call — rushed and imperfect as they were — were among their first exposures to life beyond their local boarders. Maybe a few of them learned that “foreign” doesn’t mean “bad.”

      FWIW, there were also lectures, a library and book discussion groups, all of which those seemed fairly well attended by the guests who may not have much time for that kind of thing at home. The cruise line made a big (if arguably hollow) demonstration of its initiatives toward sustainability, and many of the available lectures were about ecology or flora and fauna.

      My only point is that cruise ships aren’t all bad. They’re relaxing and allow people a space to enjoy themselves, which is in itself worthwhile. Human beings have sailed since at least the time of ancient Egypt. And the modern cruise ship industry has been around for about 175 years. Cruises are pretty amazing.

      Look, the devices we are communicating on were manufactured by people working in terrible conditions, using materials extracted in horrific ways, but still we use them. Nearly everything we buy in wealthier countries now was produced by poorer people in disturbing circumstances and then transported to us at an environmental cost — in ships, generally. But still most of us go on eating and buying and whatever in this way because for now most of us don’t know a better way, yet.

      Here’s hoping that people like you who are good at seeing the problems and faults in situations spur us to find the better ways to do things. There is a better way for people to travel and relax. We’ll get there. I’ll think about that and you when I’m dancing with people from everywhere on my next cruise.

  5. Honestly, you should not have gone on this cruise. I am not trying to be mean but let’s face it, you are really fat. Gay cruises are aimed at the younger, fitter crowd. And if you lost a bunch of weight before the cruise, kudos for you. It still wasn’t enough though. You would have had more fun at a bathhouse in a dark corner that hides your muffin top.

    • Odds are that muffin top would not be hid in the dark corners of a bathhouse. That skin was really pasty white, I bet he glows in the dark…

  6. Let me understand this right. You are fat and your buddy is wicked hot and you are crying because you didn’t get any? And you are upset because people made fun of your muffin top? Hahha! If I were there, I would have slapped on your love handles too ya big fat pig. Your buddy probably called you on the dance floor as a joke. Mooooo!

  7. That’s is very contrary to my personal experience…I went on one of those cruises, and there was a very wide mix. Yes, there were a lot (majority?) of muscly and lean men, many young, but as a chubby guy myself, I was never made to feel unattractive, and there were a wide representation of body types, and ages, and general looks, from chubby, to daddy,from bear, to otter, and believe me when I say I got my share of sex from ALL varieties (more than my share, really…)

  8. Very appalling behaviour from the “Wolves,” but the author comes across as quite vacuous and judgemental himself. Everyone person and group in the story is described mainly based on their looks. I particularly like his own fat-shaming of another group–the “heavy leather trolls.” My sense is the the author would act EXACTLY the same way as the men who ridiculed him if he had was blessed with a conventionally attractive body to go with his “Matt Damon” face.

  9. This is precisely the reason I’m glad a gay cruise that I was going to take with a friend didn’t work out. And, like you, my friend is super hot too.

  10. Interesting…I have been on three gay cruises. NEVER heard of such a scene on any trip. There are a lot of different types of gay men on these cruises and tours. ALL AGES, ALL BODY TYPES! If you hang out with WeHo or Chelsea Boys ONLY, do not expect to find anything other than self-important, entitled pretty boys who are boring and can’t discuss anything. Try to go with a GROUP of friends whom you like OR go through a GAY TOUR OPERATOR who can form a good group for you to hang out with. I have never had a gym body and in fact like guys who are more “regular” or the “norm”. (P.S. The same goes with The White Party…enjoy yourself…like yourself, go with friends you like. “What other people think of you is NONE of your business.”).

    • Most of the White Parties I have been to have mostly built guys. There’s not a lot of regular built guys. Maybe some Twinks here and there but certainly not a lot of heavy people or out of shape people.

  11. Sorry, I gotta call bulls**t on this whole story for a couple of reasons: 1/ The photo of “Adam” isn’t “Adam”, unless he posted it about 4 years on a blog called freeball4fun. 2/ It’s an 10 hour flight (allowing for the time difference) from Minneapolis to San Juan on Delta? Really? I used to work cabin crew for a major airline (not Delta) and flew Chicago-San Juan frequently. Non-stop about 4.5 hours; connecting about 6. Must’ve had a REALLY long layover somewhere. 3/ “It’s a 3 hour time difference…jet lag was a factor.” Nope. Not even close. Minneapolis is Central Time in the US; Puerto Rico doesn’t observe Daylight Savings, so time difference is 1-2 hours depending on the time of year of this alleged cruise. So given these inconsistencies, I’m guessing that “Mark in Minneapolis” used this whole exercise as a course in creative writing. His whole episode doesn’t jibe with my experiences on gay cruises (as others have pointed out), either. If you’re gonna write fiction, though, you still gotta have your facts correct.

    • oooooh alright then! *lol* nice detective work! I love debunking liars and you just took this one out to task – kudos!

      • I disagree. Been on gay cruises and it does jive completely. The time frame does work because if you read the story, he said when you added up the time they had long day. I worked for Delta too and there were 3 hour layovers at the ATL This was when they bought NWA and had a bunch of crappy DC9s. And Adams pic isn’t fake you stupid ass. He didn’t show his face. .Yound like some stupid ass queen who can’t read. Not surprising – your a typical loser.

        • *you’re — and yikes, resorting to childish insults like a potty-mouth? go back to your drugstore and let the rest of us adults have a rational conversation mmmmkay? 😉

        • I was on the Allure of the Seas before and had fun but this story does resonate. I wasn’t fat shamed directly but I was treated differently by some of the younger guys (twinks). And yes they did laugh at me. Like it or not, heavier people are treated this way sometimes.

  12. I have flown from Chicago down to San Juan and can relate to how long it can take (i’ts almost 5 hours from here). I can’t even imagine with a layover how exhausting it would be. They are on Atlantic Time, which is two hours ahead of central time (PR does not have daylight savings time)

    When I went on a gay cruise a year ago, most of the guys I saw were in shape and on the younger side but there were some people who were overweight. I noticed a lot of them chasing around the younger, built guys. Maybe not the norm on all gay cruises but I saw it happen on mine.

  13. I hated the cruise I went on. It was just like this but a little worse. Not only was I shamed to the point of staying in my cabin, I waited until the very last minute just to get off the damned boat. Gay men are the collective devil.

  14. I’ve been on two gay cruises and witnesses exactly what the author wrote here. If you aren’t built and hot, nobody wants to deal with you. I realize I’m lucky but not everyone is.

    • Actually…I see some muffing top starting in your profile pic, sir. I recommend an additional five hours of cardio a day until the next cruise…I mean, seriously…

  15. So are all the (non-paid for) stories on this site about how horrible gay men are to each other? Where the only acceptable body type is the hairless gym bunny? Because despite the BS about bears and the other ridiculous animal descriptions, it’s clear fat guys are considered less than garbage. And what’s sad is that these men believe this crap. So much for positive body images.

    Also, I can’t believe the creators of this site expect its all content to come from unpaid writers. You devalue real writers when you refuse to pay them. If you want quality content, then pay people. Employ some copy editors to fix the sloppy typos and grammatical errors.

    • Thanks for sharing. When the site begins to make a profit, I’ll employ a copy editor. You probably don’t know this but there’s pretty much no money in blogging. It’s just myself and my partner who run the site. Frankly, it’s more trouble than it’s worth but we do it anyway.

      As far as stories go, we submit what we are sent (if appropriate). As far as the “fat” people you referred to – maybe you should look carefully and rethink what you just said. We actually provided a venue for people to talk about being fat shamed and other issues where other places don’t.

      FYI: there are so many other posts on the site that have nothing to do with weight. Interestingly enough, you seem to comment on the ones that deal with appearance.

      Thanks for your comments.



      • If you are paying contributors, it is something you changed from yesterday to today, because when I looked up your rules for submission yesterday, it stated the site did not pay for articles.

        It would be nice to see body-positive articles instead of all the fat-shaming ones, but I doubt we will.

        Are you objecting to my use of the word “fat”? I’m fat and have no qualms using the word, not euphemisms. I don’t see it as a dirty word.

        Good luck with your site.

  16. Mark, I’m sorry this happened to you. I am a chubby gay guy and happen to have been on the Celebrity Summit out of San Juan for the Atlantis Cruise last year. I also even stayed at the Sheraton. I know what you mean. Gay guys in groups are worse than the worst cliques in high school and seem to love to put people down. I had a good cruise, but felt it everyday. Especially in the Sauna and locker room. *hug* Thank you for posting this article. I am on the Allure of the Seas leaving next Sunday from Fort Lauderdale, and have been nervous all week, and this reminded me to go with the flow and find my people. *hug* Thank you.

    • You will have a good time on the Allure. I was on it last year and had fun. Nobody came out and fat shamed me but I did get a couple of twinks with their daddies give me looks. Make sure you go to the upper deck LATE at night and into the steamroom area. Lots of fun to be had there!

  17. Those guys sound like assholes, but here’s the deal: imagine you were completely comfortable and confident with your body. Someone slaps your fat and calls you jiggles and you smile and say “More to love, skinny boy,” and keep dancing and smiling and having a blast. Or maybe, “This is now the jiggly part of the dance floor. Love it or leave it.”

    You hit the nail on the head in the last two paragraphs. It was your own issues that got activated.

    My point is that confidence and comfort come from the inside. My body looks a lot more like yours than like your friend’s. If a “hot guy” can’t handle it, I’ve been spared. Who wants to hang out with a shallow asshole, anyway?

    I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve allowed myself to feel inferior or not good enough. I’ve spent hours in the gym imagining I’m going to come out looking like Brad Pitt in Fight Club, only to look pretty much the same as I did. And then when someone else points out something I consider a flaw in myself, I project all of that self-hatred and self-cruelty onto them.

    But a little wisdom has come with age. If you think my belly is too fat, that’s your problem, not mine. I couldn’t begin to tell you how many (well-meaning?) people will pat my belly in social situations and tell me about sit-ups or low-carb diets, as if I’d never heard of them. It’s incredibly rude, of course, but if you’re not me, you don’t know what it’s like in this body. I also used to think that more situps and fewer carbs would remove this fat, so I understand why you would think that. But I have a shelf on my body where I can rest my beer and you don’t, so maybe I’m winning? (Seriously, “fit” guys are great to look at, and it’s an ego boost when the alpha male wants to mate with you, but cuddling with the fat boys is way more fun.)

    I’ve been on two RSVP cruises and one Atlantis cruise. I’ve always had a blast. Are there fitter, more muscular guys on the ship? In abundance. Are they getting more offers for sex? Likely. But on my first RSVP cruise, there was a bigger bear-type guy who would go to every party and find an elevated place to stand, and face the crowd and dance like he invented dancing with an infectious expression of joy on his face — we all fell in love with him, even the guys with visible abs. If he asked me to marry him, I would seriously consider the proposal. On my Atlantis cruise, a group of bears were having so much fun that some muscle marys decided to have dessert one day.

    Do me a favor. Go to Tumblr and do searches for “hot gay chub,” “hot gay cub,” and “hot gay bear.” Scroll around and see that thousands and thousands of men have been so awed by bodies like yours that they’ve created blogs or shared pics and porn videos of them. Think of how many loads have been shot over those Tumblrs. Think of how much fun (and sex?) you could have had on that ship if you could find the love for yourself — just the way you are — that you were so desperately seeking from those mean girls on the dance floor.

    Are you going to have the same level of success at bedding strangers as your pal with the ridiculous body? Probably not, and especially not if you are yourself only interested in “fit” guys. But you’d be surprised the number of “fit” men who are interested in fatter guys. Often, they’ve been very skinny at some point in their lives and were insecure about that, and your muffin top looks like joy to them. A substantial man who is confident and happy can be a very attractive thing.

    I’m booked on two more gay cruises this year; RSVP in February and Atlantis in September. If you wind up on there by some miracle, you and me (and maybe some other hot soft-bodies if they’re lucky) can start at the buffet and end up in one of our rooms to watch movies, cuddle, have orgasms and order room service dessert. Then, we’ll shower off and go to the dance parties where we’ll jiggle and giggle and maybe let the starving jocks hang out with us, if they’re cool.

      • One night I was with a friend in a gay bar. Over our second round of drinks, I apologized that I was a dud that night because I was tired and wasn’t feeling very attractive.

        My friend shocked me by replying, “Why are you apologizing? I’m used to this. You are always an introverted dud.” I got so angry at him (because I knew he was right) that I told him he had just flipped a switch and I was going to be the life of the party that night. And I was. I had 3 different HOT guys following me around shortly, made out with two of them and took one home. (I also caught chlamydia that night, in fact, but I digress, hehe.) Not everyone in the bar thought I was as awesome as I did; some guys even told me to get lost, but I managed to stick with the original mission of being the life of the party. Once or twice I had to remind myself that the switch was still on. And then I’d bring my radiant smile back, and the magic would keep happening.

        I try to channel the guy I was that night (minus getting head from strange guys with “allergies” — turns out oral chlamydia looks a lot like the sniffles) anytime I find myself figuratively lurking in life’s corners wondering why nobody likes me.

        My point is, in that moment, I decided to ACT like I was confident and a lot of fun, and you know what? For that night, I BECAME confident and a lot of fun. I just decided to be. I had never experienced an evening like that in my life. It was a revelation.

        Have you ever encountered a young guy with a lot of confidence that doesn’t seem deserved? I have, and it can be very hot. Do you know guys in their 50s or 60s who have a lot going for them but act like the world is doing them a favor by allowing them to even exist? I do. How depressing. Time may in many cases build confidence, but I think that’s only true when aiming for and feeling confidence has been a habit.

        When someone hurls an insult at me, it hurts me only if it’s something I agree with on some level. The other person is just talking; I’m the one who chooses to hurt myself with the resulting thought. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the guys who called this author “Jiggles” didn’t initially mean it as a term of affection. I’ve taken MDMA a couple of times and it made me profoundly LOVE everybody. If I’m pointing out your fat while I’m rolling it’s because your fat is gorgeous and fun to play with. The whole “get lost” bit could have been a result of the author’s unexpected negative reaction to an innocent comment. The “smirk” at the buffet could be a misinterpreted friendly smile by a hungover guy who had been too high to register that the nickname wasn’t appreciated. (Just saying. We have to trust the author’s account because we can’t interview the wolves, but in life everything is seen through our own sometimes faulty filters.)

        I do know that it used to REALLY hurt when I was struggling so hard to change my body and someone would call me fat or scrawny or flabby or skinny (yes, I’ve been all of those). I recently realized that this body I’m in has enabled me to have every single experience of my life. I love my body, even though I’m heavier than ever. I *decided* to love my body, and that has allowed me to love other “imperfect” bodies and receive affection and sex from guys in all types of bodies (And really, the muscle marys just aren’t as much fun, IMO. Great for photos but really uncomfortable to lay on while watching Netflix and eating cookies. Just saying.) I still work out, because I like to feel healthy, but I have given up the idea that I need to change this perfectly imperfect body.

        Confidence is a decision. And it doesn’t need to take long at all to change a thought. That’s all.

        Thanks for the comment that prompted me to think about all this and write it down.

    • This 100%. It wasn’t right how they treated him, but just reading his story told me a lot about this guy. He doesn’t seem very self confident. I am by no means an AC model. I am 6’3, 225 and you can’t see my abs. But when on these cruises I pretty much could have just about anyone I wanted and did!

      Confidence, humor and wit go a long way in making friends. And yes you have to learn it all! I am an introvert former fatty who has had to learn to become an extrovert.

  18. OK…so you were fat shamed by a bunch of guys high on X? What did you expect? I mean honestly…..There are superficial people in all walks of life (even without the use of drugs)..to think that all disappears once on a ship, is unrealistic. That being said, I tend to find the gay men to be a little more relaxed and accepting on the cruises..but that’s my experience. I’m sorry yours was not a pleasant one, but judging by your earlier comment of some of the gay men having “chiffon coming out of their mouths”, it’s apparent that you aren’t exempt from putting people down-therefore you are part of the problem. Is there something wrong with men who have “chiffon coming out of their mouths “? There shouldn’t be. Just as the shouldn’t be anything wrong with a little extra weight on some of us.

    • You are what SUCKS about the gay community. Instead of supporting him, you go off about the guy saying “chiffon”. The man is venting his frustrations and here you are minimizing his pain.Typical.

      • LOL. Cunty fat guy gets made fun of and all of a sudden he wants to act like hes the only one with a moral compass? The fat guy is just as judgemental as any other gay man out there, just in different ways. I’m sorry, but I feel no sympathy for him…

  19. What the hell is wrong with half these people commenting?! Like are they narcissists with no sympathy or so called sociopaths?! Exercise is hard to do and finding modivation to exercise is hard, especially if you have low self esteem, depression, and anxiety!
    Lately, all I see is superficial gay men. Gay men seem to be taught to view the world in superficial ways because pornography and image are pushed on the gay community. Sex is a symbol or a pushed action on the gay culture. It is sad to see and acknowledge especially if you are a gay man yourself. Looks, body image, muscles, and penis size is a big gossip trend that gay men seem to care only about. Not saying ALL gay men are like this but the majority are very much like that and stay true to the horrible stereotype.
    Big guys are not ugly or bad looking nor are skinny guys. There are very many different sized people. In my opinion, I wouldn’t want to date a guy that would be obsessed with body image because there is so much more to life than the physical appearance of human chizzled bodies. Plus, the more you believe you are perfected the more your ego and narcissim increases and they lose kindness, selflessness, empathy, and compassion for others.
    However, I am not saying all muscular guys are pig headed or have no positive personality traits cause some can be kind and all humans make mistakes so I understand that we are all capable of being cruel and mean. The difference is self reflecting, checking what you did to hurt people, and then working on your bad habits that harm yourself or harm other people.

    • I know, right? As a fatter of mact (haha) one can argue that if you are overweight to obese the probability that you will reach 80 is not so good…

  20. I can promise you this is not the norm AT ALL. I have been on many Atlantis cruises as well as RSVP cruises (they are owned by Atlantis). There are body types for everyone. Not even half of the men that go on these cruises look like AC models. I go on at least one to two of these cruises a year. I am not a AC model (6’3, 225) by any means and I have always had a great time and met many new people who I can say are long term friends.

    There is no excuse for these guys, but the first thing I did think of was drugs was a factor and they also sound immature.

  21. Gurl. Are there no plastic surgeons who perform lipo in Minneapolis? St Paul? Duluth? I mean…splurge a little and get rid of those things…

      • This from someone who has a really bad drag queen name? Shut your flaps, you failed abortion. HOW DARE YOU!

      • Such a wonderful way for the gay minister from Santa Cruz to talk. For the record, I’m negative, but goading someone because of their poz status really makes me pity you even more. You must be a very angry, bitter and lonely person. Have another bucket of KFC, dear. You weren’t meant for cruises anyway. That’s ok. BIIIIIEEEE! AAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!

  22. You know, here’s the deal, sweets: you KNEW what this cruise was about. So, if you sign up for one, don’t act all dismayed when you get called “Jiggly Caliente”, “muffin top”, “hip boobs” or whatever those idiots were calling you. But I have to be honest also, if you sign up for one of these cruises and don’t go the the gym every day to prepare, drink your protein shakes, get liposuction, frost your hair, have an encyclopedic knowledge of the latest dance mixes, etc ,then YOU WILL BE MADE FUN OF because the gaggle of gays on those cruises are like Heathers. It is what it is, and I fit in with them if I want, but I get really bored with their screeching, bįtchiness, drügs and obsession with eating only side salads and half a glass of water lest they gain an ounce. ZZZZZZZZ. There are plenty of other straight, gay or mixed cruises to take that don’t have a hole over the ozone from all the hair products used on board, so do yourself a favor and select a cruise that is less intense than those floating circuit party/bath houses. You are empowering “that crowd” waaaaaay too much.

  23. The writer of this “article” is just as judgemental as he claims other were to him on the cruise. He merits no sympathy. I have been going on gay cruises for the last 12 years and I have yo-yo’d with my weight from being lean and built to being way overweight. Thats on me… not anyone else, i love to eat and I hate the gym. I gain, I drop… I gain, I drop. I have gotten way more play with very hot, non intoxicated men when I have been on the heavier side than when I was on the leaner side. Perhaps, the writer is just a shitty person that people are turned off by his personality, and not with his*GASP* 36 inch waist (cry me a river sweetheart).

    • Or maybe you are a $hitty person? Says a lot about you for saying that. What a miserable, nasty person you are. You must have a waist much larger than 36 to be gasping like you are. Twelve years on cruise? So you must be an ancient old troll. Dirty queen.

      • Please forgive me for having the money to actually take vacations. What’s wrong snowflake? Did the criticism directed at someone else somehow resonate so deeply within you as to how miserable and pathetic your own life is?
        LOL “ancient old troll”,”dirty queen”… You poor pathetic child, if you think that you are somehow being clever… you are sadly mistaken. I actually kind of pity you.

      • Is that the best you got? Come on, I would have expected better trolling from someone who lacked the balls to use a reductive pseudonym. Thanks for trying, though. Dismissed.

          • You know, Hellen, for being a minister – even in dull as dishwater Santa Cruz – you really do talk a game that is repulsive. I can picture you now…all 2 tons, virgin (or highly unwanted) at 60 with a yellowing beard and a bitter attitude popping quarters in the parking meters in front of the post office because…well, you have no thing better to do in your life than come online and slam people who are actually enjoying life….you are pathetic, you failed abortion.

      • There you go again, lashing out at everyone. You have deep, deep hatred for yourself, ho. Big time.

    • Yeah, it’s racist to say Puerto Rican guys are super hung. Stereotype use but not racist. Nobody called the PC police so go take your trash somewhere else.

  24. “To keep it real, the only action I had received was when a really drunk twink invited me into his cabin. In fact, he was so messed up that he could hardly keep his eyes open. But at least it was something.”
    Most people would call that rape.

  25. This author’s crimes: bad writing? check. slut-shaming? check. femme-bashing? check. ageism? check. RAPE? CHECKED AND UNDERLINED. This piece of ….. deserves no one’s sympathy.

    • He never slut-shamed anyone. You sound like someone who is masculine bashing. Your post, STUPID. Check. Dumb comments. check. Can’t read. CHECK!

  26. Ok…guys who consider yourselves “fat” who find more self-satisfying labels like “heavy cubs” etc., need to get over it, and stop trying to grab hold of our current overly politically correct “anti-bullying” atmosphere by writing ridiculously boring diatribes like this one. It seems as if some of you are trying to shift your own body-issues and jealosy onto part of the gay community you claim to loath, but really just want to be a part. No, there is NO excuse for some gay guys to be total Ok…guys who consider yourselves “fat” who find more self-satisfying labels like “heavy cubs” etc., need to get over it, and stop trying to grab hold of our current overly politically correct “anti-bullying” atmosphere by writing ridiculously boring diatribes like this one. It seems as if some of you are trying to shift your own body-issues and jealosy onto part of the gay community you claim to loath, but really just want to be a part. No, there is NO excuse for some gay guys to be total douchbags. But please attempt to be honest about your own feelings of self-worth, and take personal responsibility without taking us all on a ride like this one.

  27. Ok…guys who consider yourselves “fat” who find more self-satisfying labels like “heavy cubs” etc., need to get over it, and stop trying to grab hold of our current overly politically correct “anti-bullying” atmosphere by writing ridiculously boring diatribes like this one. It seems as if some of you are trying to shift your own body-issues and jealousy onto part of the gay community you claim to loath, but really just want to be a part. No, there is NO excuse for some gay guys to be total douchbags. But please attempt to be honest about your own feelings of self-worth, and take personal responsibility without taking us all on a ride like this one.

    • Absolutely true. I’ve never read such horrible remarks, ever. People openly fat shaming and victim blaming. Really disgusting to read.

      • I could do without the j-wad writer and his fem-shaming bit about how they were all “Nellie” and had “chiffon coming out of their mouths.”

      • I know, these people are mean! I MEAN SO MEAN!!!!! I just want to run to my room, hurl myself on my bed and SOB FOR DAYS! WAAAAAAAAAH!

    • Baby bitch…HUNTY…you seriously don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. The guy paid his money and deserves the same treatment and consideration as every other passenger. Take a seat and call me when you get a clue.

      • Really, Hata? Shut. Yo. Flaps. Just because he paid money to the cruise line DOES NOT MEAN HE GETS OR DESERVES RESPECTFUL TREATMENT FROM THE PASSENGERS. It only means he gets the services advertised for the cruise from the cruise line, but NOT ONE of the passengers is forced to do any activity with him, acknowledge him, talk to him, etc. Wake up ‘MO. Wake up.

  28. Some of the things people are saying here are very depressing. At least we know how people feel about overweight people in our community because it’s all out in the open for the world to see.

    When I was on my last cruise with RSVP, I had a friend who experienced rejection. Dang gay people can be such heartless bastards to each other.

  29. Wah, wah, wah. Someone, bring out the little violin for “Hellen” to play. LISSSSSEN, porkchop. Don’t be BLUBBERING to us just because you eat a bucket of KFC for breakfast. Go visit a gym and stop lashing out at those who can touch their toes. BEGONE, BACK ALLEY TRASH!

      • Did you read that cow’s Hellen responses to people? Talk about terms of service abuses. She’s talking physical violence and accusing those who disagree of having stds. So, if you are in support of that, then we will be happy to attack you as well, boy.

  30. He just this lack of self-esteem. One just has to have confidence in oneself, to love one as it is. I’ve never had an Adonis body, I’m close to my 50’s and I try to be comfortable with myself.

      • Yes, easier said than done. Nobody knows what is truly feels like to walk in this guys shoes. And those awful people on the dance floor.

  31. What a shame! I was on that one too (the second one that ended in Barcelona). Your comments on this piece have me all hot and bothered for you. I had my own cabin after my pal cancelled. We could have been fucking like bunnies all week!

    Any chance you’re doing the RSVP one next month?

  32. I really recommend learning how to read, moron. Preferably without moving your lips as you do so. That is NOT what I said in my post. Get someone else to read it for you, and until then, shut your flaps. You’re stupid. BIIIIIIEEEE!!

  33. So, the tragedy named Hellen got another account, or her porky pig sidekick, “lgb” decided to pick up her cause. Yay! Lissssssen moron: you are nothing but a green fly hovering over a steaming pile of dog refuse. Now, excuse me, you smell disgustingly like day old Popeyes chicken grease, so I’m going to take my shirt off and dance with a cocktail on the cruise I’m currently at. LOVE the awesome attention given dancing shirtless. BIIIIIIIEEEEE SWINE! AAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!

  34. This article just made me sad. Sad that he was out $4k and didn’t enjoy himself, sad for the shallowness of the muscle Marys, and sad that we fought so hard for equality and we treat each other worse than any of our straight friends. It is like Junior High “clique mentality” that some people never outgrow. I am 48, and I would rather poke my eyes out than go on a gay cruise. Just my opinion, but why would I want to be trapped on a floating gay bar at a premium price when I am supposed to be relaxing and enjoying a well-earned vacation?? Why not go to Europe to a place you have never been and check out a few gay bars along the way instead??? Everyone who hasn’t should read the 1978 novel “Dancer from the Dance”. It follows a gay man new to NYC in the 70’s trying to find love, but he is overwhelmed by the scene and how it encourages uniformity (the 70s clone then, the muscle jock now) and people start to lose their individuality. We are better than the way we act towards each other.

    • Shut it, sir. Ain’t no one put a gun to his head to go on this cruise, he knew what it was about, AND HE STILL WENT. What he should have done is stuck his gut out, look the idiots in the face and say “Watcha gonna do about it, MORON!” BUT NO! He had to go running, screaming and crying and throwing himself on his bed and staying locked up for the rest of the cruise like some butt hurt chick. No way. When you go on these cruises…when you go to a circuit party…when you go to a damn gay bar…you better walk in like you freakin’ OWN. THE. PLACE. or you will get gobbled up by your insecurities and what little boy of no consequence say about you. OWN IT!

      • Here we go with the hyper-masculine crap. Gender shaming now by comparing him to some “hurt chick”. How about the guy just being who he is and telling his story. Why shame him? Does that make you feel better about yourself?

  35. It is extremely difficult to muster any sympathy for your complaints about fat shaming when you fem shame in the very same breath. I am sorry you were treated that way. No one deserves to be ridiculed, but I hope you take a moment to examine your behavior and realize how profoundly hypocritical it is.

    • Jesus Christ the guy was trying to have a little humor. Your “apology” doesn’t mean a thing when you attack him and victim blame at the same time. WTF is wrong with people?

      • What happened to him was horrible and unfortunate, but pointing out his hypocrisy in shaming others is not victim blaming or attacking him. It’s merely drawing attention to the fact that he is engaging in the exact same behavior he found so upsetting.

    • I don’t know if the world hates gays…but given David Wilkes’ gut and birth giving hips, I’m sure livestock run for their lives when he comes stomping around….

  36. And you, David Wilkes are a failed abortion. Go back to the alley your mother works at for more cooking time. BIIIIEEE!

  37. Mark I am not going to attack you here. I can tell when you wrote this you were being campy and I’m sorry so many people here are focusing in on so called “fem shaming” and what have you.

    If something like this happened to me, I would be just as hurt and just as embarrassed. Nobody deserves to be treated this way. A lot of people in the gay community just can’t help but bash our fellow members of the community. That’s why so many of us too much contact within the community.

    I can’t believe how many people on this thread continue to fat shame people. And if they aren’t doing that they will find some other flaw, no matter how small, to attack you on.

    On a lighter note, I have been on gay cruise ships before. I can’t say I was shamed but I did have a few sloppy men make rude remarks like, “That one looks like a mess” and stuff like that.

    In the past few years, I’ve started going on Bear Cruises. Not sure if you know about those? So much more fun and its not loaded with a bunch of muscle wolves. I’ll put the link here so you can check out. Sorry this happened to you.

  38. Probably one of the most ridiculous posts on here. I’m flagging it because it’s full of hate. Not only do you shame the guy all over again, you called him “Jiggles”.

  39. “I wasn’t pulling in he guys I wanted … so I went to the gym for 3 years and now I’m getting all the muscle daddies I can handle. It takes more then 6 months of casual gym going GURL.”

    And that, my friends, is vapidity defined. Porky is so easy to slam, however I’ll let his words speak for himself. Have another shot of bacon, David.

  40. He lost me when he fem shamed, called the leather community trolls and admitted to almost raping a drunk guy… honey, don’t go on a cruise. Stay home. Also get less shallow friends. You are the company you keep.

  41. What the hell is wrong with you? What is this, Junior High? Or did you not grow out of shaming and name-calling? And your “answer” to him is to go to the gym MORE?

    How about letting him be comfortable in his own skin? We aren’t all born with the same metabolism.

    • But he isn’t comfortable in his skin… he lost weight going, he needs to keep it up and find the skin he is comfortable in. It’s no different than being trans… this isn’t who I am, I am different and I’ll make it happen with lots of hard work and some deep diving into my psyche !

  42. Just because you have a thicker skin than he does, doesn’t mean you should expect him to have the same. “Privilege” doesn’t always coincide with one’s state of mind. Just because he could afford this trip (and a personal trainer) doesn’t mean he automatically should have self esteem. Remember Robin Williams? One of the richest, most successful movie stars on the planet? Where was his state of mind towards the end of his life?

    “Tough love” doesn’t usually help people. Trying to understand them, and help them find their own path to healing does.

    • I’m not expecting him to have anything. I’m trying to teach him that as long as he sees himself as a victim he will continue to suffer from these situations. Believe me, I understand from experience. Life is a bully and until you learn to defend your self it will keep on putting you down.

      Also, tough love does work very well depending on the person. This is a grown man and he needs to learn how to stick up for himself.

  43. My husband and I have been on 7 Atlantis Cruises… We’re bears…happy secure bears who don’t go around shaming members of other sub-groups. And guess what? We never had a problem! You pretty much get what you give! In addition to the Atlantis Cruises, we done about 8 bear themed cruises. Great guys! You might want to lose the attitude and try one of them next time.

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