I’m a Straight Guy Who Fell in Love with a Gay Man

straight man falls in love with gay man (2)

I’ve been attracted to women my entire life and have had zero physical attraction to dudes. But I ended up falling in love with a guy from my gym and I’m starting to question my sexual orientation.

By: Justin in Tampa

You probably think I’m about to share some hot erotic story with you based on the title of this post. Sorry to disappoint but that’s not what this story is about. Instead, I’m going to tell you how I ended up falling for a gay guy who I’ve secretly been in love with for over a year.

Just to tell you a little about me. I guess I’m your average dude that’s into average guy things. If I had to describe myself, I suppose I look a little like that actor Grant Gustin from the Flash except I’m a little older at 35.

I’m married, have a wife and two children and live just outside of the Tampa Bay area in Clearwater. I love football and am a diehard Bucs fan. My job is really quite boring – I work for a local municipality in waste management (Yes, I’m a garbage man but I get paid really well).

So about a year ago, I joined a new gym because I was hoping to find a facility with more free weights. As it turns out, I ended up joining a chain outfit because it just so happened to have what I was looking for.

One Monday night after work, I stopped in to do a chest workout. I always try to pump my pecs on Mondays because it’s just part of my routine. I remember loading two 45-lb plates on each side of the universal bar and then trying to execute the reps. That’s where I ran into trouble …

I got two lifts out but on the third one, I was struggling. If you have ever lifted weights, you know how scary it can be when you realize you might not be able to finish a rep.

As I started to panic a bit, a guy who was working out on the bench next to me saw my dilemma. He immediately got up and positioned himself behind me and clutched the bar with his hands, helping me to pull the weights back up to the stand.

“I saw you needed some help so I hope you don’t mind. If you ever need a spot, just let me know.

I might need the same from you.”

As we got to chatting a bit, he told me his name was Billy. Super nice guy who apparently had been working out at this gym for several years. We swapped stories about our favorite workouts and talked a little bit how crowded it was in the free weight area.

Billy is one of the most athletically built dudes I have ever seen. He looks a lot like Jimmy Garoppolo from the Patriots. In fact, I’ve even heard people at our gym ask Billy if there is any relations.

Same age as me but probably looks closer to 30. This guy has 16 inch guns, a massive chest and veins popping out of his forearms like a professional body builder.

So as time went on, I would regularly see Billy on Monday nights. It didn’t take long before we became workout buddies. What’s been nice about our friendship is knowing someone is waiting there for you. It kind of holds you accountable so you don’t skip gym visits, you know?

Honestly, I had no idea that Billy was gay. It never really came up I guess. Plus he never gave me an indication to think he was gay either. Sorry to be stereotypical but this is Florida so it’s not like I haven’t been exposed to guys who are into guys. The guy just doesn’t give off that vibe.

Related: Top 10 reasons straight guys have sex with gay men

So one night after working out, we decided to grab a cup of coffee at Perkins – which is nothing more than Denny’s with a different name. As we drove from the gym in his black pickup truck, I remember him telling me that he thought my arm tattoo was cool and how he was thinking of getting something for himself.

It seemed like we were at that restaurant for hours – to the point that I had to call my wife and let her know I was going to be late getting back home because I was hanging with my gym buddy.


After we talked about how we might change up our workouts so that things didn’t get stale, the conversation turned more personal. He told me that was born in St. Pete and was a mechanic for an airline. I shared with some things to – about my wife and two boys. Plus there was football.

At some point, I remember him telling me that he had broken up with someone about six months earlier. As I listened carefully, it became clear to me that his ex was a guy that he met at AA.

Looking back, I can remember feeling a bit shocked that Billy was gay. Like I said, he just never game me that impression – ever. And he never once made me feel like he was looking for something.

Later that night when I got home and went to bed, my wife and I made love. What’s weird is that I started to have flashes of Billy in my mind.

I can remember kissing her and thinking of him when my eyes were closed. My wife must have figured out something was off because she asked if I was OK. I told her that it had been a long day and that I probably just needed to rest.

“He’s even started to pop into my thoughts when I spank my monkey.”

Just having those thoughts about Billy kind of bothered me for the next several days. Trying to concentrate on my work wasn’t easy. And meeting him at the gym was even more difficult. That was over 10 months ago.

Since that time, I’ve started to have full on fantasies about my gym buddy. It’s just been easier to go with them and not fight them. I won’t lie to you – there have been a few times when I’ve even had dreams about him where I woke up the next morning with full on wood.

I’ve always been straight

I’m straight – seriously – I am. But there’s just something about this guy and I don’t know what it is. And my attraction to him goes beyond just his physique. Billy makes me laugh and is super funny. I just feel like I can let my guard down around him.

Related: Straight guy dreams about gay men

It’s hard to admit it but I think I am in love with him. Worse, I am pretty sure he’s picked up on it because of some comments he’s made. If he’s attracted to me, he’s not letting on.

Just last week, he told me that he’s started seeing someone. A guy he apparently met online. He also broke the news to me that we might not be able to lift weights anymore together because he’s going to be spending more time with this person. I remember how jealous I felt and just having those feelings freaked me out.

All of this just sucks. I’m so confused. I mean I know that I am into women. I’m also very attracted to my wife. Still, I don’t know what to do. I can’t get Billy off my mind. He’s even started to pop into my thoughts when I spank my monkey.

Can a straight guy fall in love with a gay man? I’m here to tell you yes because it happened to me – and still is. How it happened I don’t know but it did.

Now I’m starting to question my own orientation. Maybe it’s time to talk to a professional.

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  1. I think it’s ok to accept that this person changed your point of view as far as what your orientation is. You say you are attracted to your wife; maybe it’s time to say that yes, you are also attracted to the other gender – at least. Maybe the fact that you do not feel like this person was looking for anything but that you fell in love with them also says that you might not need to have someone be of a certain gender for you to love them – it’s about the connection. There is a form of sexuality for that type of attraction – it’s like you need to have a connection, then you are attracted to someone. It is called being demisexual.

    I think some loving connections and crushes could come and go. Some would be very intense, even. But, I think you should really not let it get to you too much when you have a wife you built a life with – and you say you are still attracted to her. She could tell something was off when you made love; it sounds as if you have a close relationship where she knows you very well, like a friend and a lover. That’s worth something, and probably worth a lot since you also have built a life together. Your friend from the gym changed your life, I am sure. I think he opened your heart and mind and you know something about yourself with a certainty that you may have otherwise never known. I am sure your wife truly loves you. I think that if you feel, for some reason, that your heart does not lie with her and the family, you should let it go. However, maybe this situation with this other man is not meant to be… and it was a passing crush that taught you more about yourself and could bring you to a stronger love with your wife. Always follow your heart <3.

    • I too have found someone from my gym. we are both married but also enjoy the companionship of a man and it is truly a wonderful experience to feel the love of another man. We are both content to stay in our marriages but treasure our time together. Maybe for you it will be merely the friendship or maybe something sexual, only the two of you can decide.

  2. I always say your what ever sexual preference of whom you see yourself “Married” to, but that doesn’t mean you are 100% Straight or Gay. Your attraction may be a infatuation because you had not ever been exposed to someone who had physical attributes you admired and later found out was gay. A good professional will talk you through the fact that most people are not 100% one way or the other but are shades of gray in between. Think of your situation in reverse. You could just as easily been working out with a female you thought was hot and whom you thought was a lesbian, later found out was straight. It doesn’t mean you’re going to have a roll in the hay. You made a friend.

  3. After reading your story, I’m left incredulous. I’m a gay man and I can’t ever imagine the reverse happening, where I would fall in love with a straight woman.

    One thing your story teaches me is that for some individuals, like yourself, love and attraction are a lot more fluid than I’m willing to allow. Not for one moment do I believe you to be secretly gay, newly gay, unknowingly gay, cluelessly gay, newly self-discovered gay, or any of that nonsense. You just happened to find yourself in the uncommon but completely possible predicament of falling in love with someone, who just happens to be another man.

    Let him go. Stay with your wife who loves you and remains committed to building a life with you. That kind of love is very rare, and that kind of love is lasting.

  4. Hi Justin,

    Something similar happened to me two years ago with a guy from my health club. He’s pretty hetero in all of the typical ways. I didn’t even know he had feelings for me until one night when we smoked some grass and it accidentally came out.

    Honestly, I’d do my bud in a minute but I know it would eff up his head. Plus he has a wife and kids. Just not worth it. But I can relate to this story. Thanks

    • Yeah it sucks that loads of “hetero” men get married and kids and then when they finally have balls to be themselves, they either cannot be or family they created will be ruined

  5. You should tell your gay friend the truth and see how it plays out. At least make out with him. What’s wrong with that?

      • and that he is closeted plus he didn’t tell him he might be gay, or that he has feelings for him or any of that on time, so the dude he wants moved on.

  6. Every single time I’ve met a “straight” guy that wants to try the gay route, they want to bottom. You never said it but I bet you have been thinking about it.

  7. Yyyeeeeeeahh…..calling bullshit on this story. This “straight” guy just HAPPENS to stumble upon this VERY obscure GAY website which conveniently references BOTH Grant Gustin and Jimmy Garoppalo so you can link to 2 OTHER posts about said individuals (as do ALL of these so-called write-ins….what a wild coincidence!) and doesn’t even know how to use “straight” catch-phrases correctly (not going to call them out here, but it really is seriously noticeable and beyond ridiculous). So…yeah/no. I like more than a few articles on this site, but don’t insult our intelligence here if you want to be taken seriously.

  8. I wish straight men would stop making a big deal out of this, I am a male who will only have sex with straight white good looking healthy married men. Just do it…don’t think about it and don’t feel guilty about it….and most important…don’t tell anyone including your wife! That is where men make their mistake and I do not believe in labels! Every man on the planet should have some type of sex with another male.You only live once! Be happy…women are since they get the pleasure of being with men!

    • Wow. Making a big deal out of this? Why string a woman along? As a gay man, it’s tough being cheated on. And it’s tougher on a straight woman with children. If you are bisexual, the ethical thing is to let your wife in on it. Then she can decide if she wants to stay or not. Otherwise, why waste her time?? Man, I can’t believe there are people on here advocating cheating. SMH. And I am not old-fashioned. I just believe in honesty and I have balls. I am no coward; bold enough to tell it like it is. And I like people being forward and honest with me. Let me decide; don’t decide for me.

  9. I agree with Nick’s response.
    But why do we have to put labels. We are all the same and some were put here for a reason and is to help others in whatever way we can. I think. Whether it’s to help our fellow man with their issues, encourage them to stay with their wives and family while satisfying their manly urges (we have them too, all men do). Sometimes we play the role of parents. Adopting a child or children who needs a home and loving family (help population control). Nope can’t forget the females, we help them too in a big way. For example: relationship issues (we may not be the best at it but we know what to say and give that advice); helping with that emotional need (a shoulder to cry on); sex talks (what could/would work in the bedroom with their husbands); going shopping (not every gay man does it but we the majority assist in that department, sometimes very well); be that support, the rock (this where an emotional attachment may happen by the female who wants more but luckily we are strictly dickly… lol…true); and that is where we remind them that nothing will ever happen.
    In a way we all support each other. So Justin, you are a normal guy with normal urges that can be satisfied by your friend. Now the question is boundaries and limits. If you can have a strict and disipline workout regimen then this should not be different.
    Remember men are men and we’re meant to breed. Maybe this is another way of staying with your wife, having a good companionship.
    Yes, yes… then the wife finds out. At least it’s not another female and then oops you got that other lady pregnant or there is some sort of attachment and psyhco/stalking happens. At least with a guy you have ground rules and respect boundaries. In any case, always use a condom. I always stress safer sex.
    That’s my thought.

  10. da.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homoseksualitet

    translate (google translator) danish wikipedia homosexuality definition . Research shows that sexual desire and infatuation feeling don`t must be together. We can be homo/hetero/bi romantic (we can fall in love,romantic attraction) and homo,hetero/bisexual (we can feel sexual desire) .Asexual people can`t fell love or separately sexual desire or can`t fell both sexual desire and love.
    On danish wikipedia we can see that about 7% population can feel sexual desire and 15% (homoromantic + biromantic) population can fall in love with the same sex.
    You can be heterosexual and biromantic (you can fall in love in men and woman ,but can fell sexual desire only to woman and be asexual to men )
    Additionaly homosexuals can we devided passiv,activ and universal sexual role.

    Additionaly we can be monogamic ,serial monogamic,can fell polyamory(fall in love more than one person) and polygamic. Neuroscience shows more and more about human sexuality, mating and bonding system.

  11. I’m gay and I had a ‘work husband’ for a few years. I wasn’t even the one that pointed it out –it was a very high-level manager. He was very straight and it wasn’t ever sexual. It was a super-bromance and both of us were very sad when we parted ways. We’re in the military and worked at 3-letter agency so we became very close. I understand precisely what the author meant. Every time I have seen something like this it is both adorable and amazing.

  12. I think you should see a counselor about it. There’s no doubting in my mind that you’re any variation of bisexual orientation. Yes, it can be a once-in-a-lifetime deal but it still means that you’re capable of falling in love with the same gender. There is nothing wrong with that at all.
    I think you should also tell your wife about it because it is affecting you greatly and is already starting to interfere with your marriage.
    Talking it out with a counselor (ideally with lgbt problem experience) and eventually your wife is and eventually (up to you) Billy. This seems like a big dilemma you’re going through. The best thing to do is to confront this problem since it’s affecting your everyday life.

  13. Homosexuality has been proven beyond any possible doubt to be a form of mental illness, the same as “trans-genderism”. It’s a disorder of the brain. It may be some natural cause, or just as likely can be a neurotic condition. In either case, if you want to save your marriage you need to find out what’s causing your particular aberration and deal with correcting or curing it.

  14. Maybe U are Bisexual.Have u ever had experiences like this before?I mean soaked to a guy even u know u are not Gay?

  15. You’re gay, that’s obvious and the fact you’re closeted took the dude you love away. You had your chance to tell him your feelings you have for him, but you didn’t so he moved on.

  16. You’re bi. A majority of people really are. Sometime in the distant future, this will be clear for all to see.

  17. You could be gay, or at least bi. You said you lived in Florida and have not been exposed to too many gay guys so that explains why you haven’t had experiences with gay guys, not just sexual but platonic. Not to blow smoke up my own ass, but I’ve been told I am a very straight acting gay guy and I don’t come off as gay. When I meet friends of friends, I have my friends telling me how their friends I’ve just met now have a crush on me, both males and females. My friends usually tell these friends of theirs that I’m gay before they introduce me to them. Its normal especially for people who are not around certain types of people.

  18. Forget about labels and tell him how you feel before it’s too late. There’s no guarantee he and the new beau will last. He may not even exist but is using it to force your hand.

  19. I wish the people commenting on this would stop trying to label the guy or tell him what he is. His scenario is very familiar to me. In my case though I was the gay guy who fell for my straight best friend- my friend was your stereotypical guy- he had relationships with women, very intense and passionate ones. He loved women and often used to talk the normal kinda “guy talk” about women. However over the course of our friendship things between us intensified and I finally told him I was in love with him- he was shocked at first but was also totally reassuring that it didn’t change our friendship that he loved me as a “friend” still- as time continued to go by his feelings began to get deeper also, to the point where our mutual friends and family and co workers (we worked together also) thought it was only a matter of time until we got together. Eventually it was clear he fell for me too, his love for me was deep and more than just a friendship love, however, he could never think of me sexually (as far as I know) he always maintained that he could never be with a guy sexually but that he loved me. Over time I had to move away- he got a girlfriend and it was very painful. Anyway- looking back the most important thing I learned was that regret is the worst thing ever! No matter how scared or confused you are- don’t let that hold you back as you may regret things later on- Talk to your friend tell him of your feelings and see how he feels. In your situation, you are married with children so if you friend loves you to and you think you want to be with him- please be honest with your wife, don’t cheat. As for labelling yourself- there is no need what so ever- you are one soul and you met another that you are drawn too, that you love- he may be the only guy ever that you develop these feelings for, you are you still, the same as you always were.

  20. You could be bi and it’s entirely possible others in the comments that the guy doesn’t know what bisexual is or was of the thought that it was a myth. As for your love interest maybe you should tell him and explain it to the best of your ability. Because if you let it boil over bad things can happen. And as said before explain as best you can to your wife. Whatever happens from there happens if you feel like you want to be with your love interest than be with him. Then work out the details with your wife.

  21. I disagree with most comments, he could be bi NOW and had not realised or explored those feelings earlier so he is straight and became bi later on in life. He might only be attracted to this guy and not ALL gay guys so labels don’t work here. I think most guys that don’t know early on in life haven’t explored their sexuality fully, this has happened to me with some straight roommates, maybe not full on sex but touching and kissing and jerking together even to the point we gave each other head as a straight male. You not gay or bi if you are unsure and explore these things and find out it’s not for me.

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