Gay dreams can mean many different things
I’m 30 years old and keep having gay dreams about a guy I went to college with. He’s gay. I can’t understand why this dream keeps reoccurring but it’s happening once a month. In each dream, I end up giving him oral.
I’ve never been attracted to males. Does this mean I am gay or want him? We haven’t talked in years.
Dr. John responds:
Odd as it might seem, it’s not that uncommon for straight men to have gay dreams.
In fact, the body of research suggests it happens to guys who identify as heterosexual frequently and can continue throughout the course of the lifespan.
Still, I can see how you have begun to question your own sexuality or desires.
Gay Dreams Interpreted
What’s important to keep in mind is that dreams need to be looked at through the lens of symbolism. They shouldn’t be taken literally.
While it’s easy to jump to conclusions that seem obvious, dreams are more complicated than that we sometimes think.
It might be helpful for you to bear in mind that if sex is part of a dream, it’s not necessarily about a physical desire.
More likely, these types of dreams speak to unfinished business or a desire to merge an attribute of the object of your dream.
The man you mentioned in your dream is gay. You also indicated that you went to college with him. Finally, you shared that oral service, where you are the giver, is part of the dynamic.
In my research, I’ve discovered that dreams about oral are about communication. While you never mentioned it in your note, I’m wondering if the two of you were close in college?
Also, I’m curious if the friendship ended suddenly?
If the answer is yes to both of these questions, it could very well suggest parts of your friendship were not resolved.
In its purest form, the unfinished business means a part of you is holding on to something about him deep inside. Search your feelings more on this to assess “what” that might be.
Gay Dreams and Oral
It is significant that you were the person providing oral in your dreams to your gay friend. That’s because oral based activities often speak to a desire to “take in” or digest a coveted attribute.
What was it about him that you admired? Was there a particular trait that you found appealing? Was there something about his personality you think might complete yours?
When oral action takes place in what you described as gay dreams about him, try to reflect upon what you are hoping to siphon from his essence and absorb into yours.
Gay Dreams and Straight Men
When you think about your own attractions to others, it’s critical to look at who you’ve historically gravitated towards. If it’s been women, there’s no reason to think things have suddenly changed.
Keep in mind that human sexuality isn’t black or white. What’s more, intimacy can and does happen between people of the same sex devoid of sex.
But ask yourself – what would be wrong if you were attracted to him, at least on some level?
Next time you experience “gay dreams”, try to record the imagery you see on paper. Look for any patterns or themes.
With this mental snapshot in place, you’ll be in a good position to interpret all that you see and unlock their true meaning.
Dr. John is a licensed psychotherapist that focuses on Men’s issues and wellness contributor to GPB. Visit his online profile to learn more about his background.