Gay Barebacking, PREP and My Jealous Ex-Boyfriend

PREP HIV

My ex couldn’t handle my barebacking past and choice to stay on PREP

By Roberto in New York

So much for trying to do the right thing.

I’m a 34-year old gay man that’s been in a monogamous relationship for the past six months. Well, I used to be until my boyfriend decided to throw me to the curb. And our breakup didn’t happen because of the usual reasons that cause a lot of us gays to split.

In my case, he ditched me because I refused to go off PREP. If you don’t know what PREP is, you can read all about it here. But chances are if you are gay you already know what this drug is all about.

I’ll tell you why I went on PREP before meeting my boyfriend Danny and then explain the events leading up to his decision to give me the axe. First a little more about me.

I live in Chelsea – the gay area of Manhattan. Before getting into a relationship, I was a sexually active guy. Not shocking, right? I mean most gay men I know are, particularly around here.

For me, I’ve always been fairly versatile but prefer being on top. And I’m not going to be a prude or anything with you; I like sucking and swallowing. Most of the time I use rubbers but if I have been partying, it sometimes doesn’t happen.



So about a year and a half ago, I heard about PREP from a friend. He told me that if you take this pill Truvada, you can top and bottom without having to be concerned with getting HIV. So I called up a local community medical center, made an appointment and talked to the doctor.

He gave me the spiel that most doctors have to – like the drug not being foolproof and the need to still wear condoms when playing around. I was cool with that.

We talked a little more and then he gave me an HIV test. I came back negative, which I knew I would anyway because I had been tested a few months earlier. I’ve been getting a test two times a year since I was like 21.

Once I got my prescription, the doctor made it very clear to me that once I was on the pill, I had to keep taking it pretty much forever. He explained to me that it was critical that I not miss doses and that if I go off it and try to go back on later, the drug might not work. Not long later, I was at the pharmacy and getting my script filled.

Gay Barebacking Seems Like the Norm

I won’t B.S. you. After I started taking the pill and waiting a few weeks for the meds to kick in, I was out there shagging dudes raw like crazy. Yeah, yeah – I know I am supposed to be using a rubber but I just didn’t want to. And I already know that I could have exposed myself to other STDs like syphilis, HEP, Chlamydia and all that. But you want the truth so I’m just telling you.

If you go on the hookup apps like Scruff or Grindr, at least around here, most all of the guys are shagging each other without protection. I don’t know if it is because they are all on PREP or if it is something else but that’s the way it is. How many times have you had a guy say, “Do you like it BB or safe?” Whenever you hear that, you can be pretty sure that guy you are talking to wants it raw. Just saying …

So OK about eight months ago I was working out at Equinox and doing my regular upper body workout when I saw this really hot guy that kind of did it for me. We made eye contact and started talking and before I knew it, we were out on our first date.

Danny’s the type of guy that a lot of men find attractive. He’s an Irish, Italian mutt, well built and funny. Ever see that reporter from ABC, Gio Benitez’s boyfriend – Tommy DiDario? That’s sort of what he looks like to give you an idea. Blue eyes, million dollar smile … the whole thing.

While Danny is just 35, he’s also super mature for his age. I don’t know what else to say except that he’s the type of man who knows what he wants out of life, which is really what attracted me to him. It just seems like so many gays struggle with this, you know?

As time went on, we became closer. He’d spend time at my apartment and I’d spent some time at his. And our sex was always very hot. I’d even bottom for him here and there, even though that’s not my preference.

“You still have that Trojan on – right?”

But he always insisted on condoms when we hooked up.

So one night he was bouncing on me and doing his thing and I was getting close. We had been edging for a while and I just couldn’t hold it anymore. Then suddenly, he said something that just was kind of a buzz kill. “You still have that Trojan on – right?”

I don’t know what it was about what he said but I went soft. He got off me and asked what was wrong. I mean he could tell that something had changed. And so as we laid next to one another in the bed, I came out and told him that I was on PREP. I also shared with him that I hated using rubbers with him because it felt really unnatural.

We Barebacked

Danny was totally cool about this and asked me how long I had been on Truvada. We talked for a good hour and I shared with him the reasons why I had decided to go on the pill. I didn’t leave anything out or sugarcoat things _ I told him I’ve barebacked. I don’t know if he got turned on or if he just felt closer to me but before I knew it, he was back on time of me – and this time without the rubber. About 5 minutes later, I released in him.

central park
He told me he loved me in Central Park

A few weeks later, Danny told me that he loved me during a Sunday afternoon walk in Central Park. For the first time in a long time, I had those same feelings – and I told him, “I love you too.” We kissed so deeply in that moment and didn’t give a crap who was around.

There’s nothing like being totally into a guy in every way and knowing deep inside that he feels the same way about you.

But as our relationship continued, he started to make sarcastic remarks about me taking PREP. I’m not going to go into all of it but to give you an idea, he would say things like: “If we are monogamous, why are you still taking that?”

He Freaked Out

As the weeks and months went on, he continued to question me more and more. I tried to explain to him that once you are on PREP, you can’t just yank yourself off and then go back on later. It is kind of a lifetime commitment. Plus, I’ve been in enough relationships before to know that things don’t always work out. “You must not have much faith in us,” he would say, which just made me feel like crap.

Things from bad to worse when he started accusing me of sleeping around with other guys. “You must be messing around behind my back Roberto – otherwise you would have stopped taking that pill!” Whenever we would go out and see an attractive person that I knew, he immediately began to accuse me of hooking up with them. None of it was true but that’s how Danny was acting – like a crazy a-hole.

And our sex life just started to go downhill. One time when I was inside of him, he turned around just before I was about to blow and said, “Too bad you’re going to be shooting chemicals inside of me. I hate that.”

Oh I finished the job but I was pissed and also hurt.

“I can’t trust you as long as you are taking that pill”

All of this leads up to what happened two weeks ago. We were messing around and he just came out and said, “I can’t handle this anymore. You need to go off PREP. I can’t trust you as long as you are taking that pill.”

I was stunned and at the same time angry. I mean WTF – why was this such a big deal? I wasn’t stepping out on him and I know he wasn’t on me. I also knew he was HIV- because I went with him for a test just weeks earlier.

I told him the honest reasons why I wanted to stay on the drug; namely that we hadn’t been together that long. He would have none of it. Danny insisted that my being on the pill constantly made him think that I was out there messing around.

“Sorry Roberto but if you can’t do this it’s over – I’m not going to be with a guy I can’t trust. This is killing me because I love you to pieces but I can’t handle it. “

So there you have it guys – we broke up. I seriously thought about taking myself off Truvada for him but decided against it after talking to friends. Don’t get me wrong though, I would have stopped taking the pill had we been together more time – like a year or something.

I’m really depressed over this whole thing. I love Danny a lot. Really. But if he’s going to be like this now, I can’t help but wonder if he’s going to be a control freak down the road.

Was I wrong for not going off the pill?

If you have a “It Really Happened” story you want to share with readers, make your pitch here to the blog.


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  • Dennis “Denesio” Gonzales

    You did the right thing by staying on the pill. Being with someone for only 6 months and in love is not a guarantee that it wil last forever. I believe by breaking up now you saved yourself bigger heartache down the road. It could have turned out uglier.

  • michaelblue

    I’ve been on PREP for three years now. I’ve gone through several “boyfriends” in that time with a few who cheated. I’m glad I never went off Truvada during that time because they all nutted in me. Sorry you two broke up but you x sounds like a jerk. I bet you find out he was messing around the whole time you guys were together.

  • lunaDeScorpio

    b-bye insecure jackass……

  • Lean Muscle

    Your ex boyfriend is a real jerk. Breaking up with him was the right thing to do. Plus, for all you know he could have been taking loads behind your back. It happens even when we think the guy is being faithful.

  • Joey D

    You did the right thing. He’s a jerk and probably a cheater.