Do you say any of these things to your single gay friends?
By: Zachary Zane
It’s incredible how in the gay community, the fate of being single feels worse than that of a leper. So many of us, myself included, believe (or have believed) that there’s no way we can live a happy life as a single gay man.
That even if we project this image of confidence and happiness, it’s not real. It’s a facade, and we’re in denial. Deep down, we are truly miserable, longing for a long term companion AKA Mr. Right, AKA Prince Charming, AKA our One True Love.
Oh, and if you’re a player, or a guy who has a string of casual, NSA affairs, then there’s something psychologically wrong with you. You either have some commitment issues, or troubles with vulnerability, or a sex addiction. There’s no possible way you could be healthy and desire a ton of sex.
This is the utter most crock of sh*t that I’ve ever heard in my life. Yet, SO many of us believe it. It’s also in the interest of marketers to get us to believe it.
Because if we think we need to look a certain way, behave a certain way, or have certain things in order to attract a mate, then they can sell us all this crap we don’t need. If we are happy being single, we wouldn’t be buying all of this junk. So they want us thinking that we can never be happy being single.
In simpler words, they want us thinking that if we wear their cologne, it’ll help us find our hubby.
But no matter what marketers and the media try to shove down our throats, we don’t need have a boyfriend to be happy, and it’s not a sin to like sex with various guys.
There’s nothing wrong with us for wanting a ton of casual sex. ‘Cause you know, we’re men… we have a strong libido. We like sex with random dudes. We like anon sex and kinky sex. We like our fetishes. We sometimes need to get blindfolded and plowed from a swing. And you know what? There is nothing wrong with that!
With all that in mind, here are 7 things you should never say to a single gay man.
1. Are you gonna get married now that it’s legal?
We absolutely deserve the right to get married. We fought long and hard to get this right, and for the love of God, Trump or more specifically the monstrous Mike Pence, is going to try to take our marriage rights away from us. (Knowing Mike Pence, he may also try to demand conversion therapy in all 50 states…).
But just because we have the right to get married, doesn’t mean we have to get married. Many of us, myself included, are over the institution of marriage. We grew up in broken households, with divorced parents. We’re no longer set on — or frankly have the slightest desire to have a family.
And I mean, we’re two men. Automatically, we’re not going to be considered a traditional family. So no, just because marriage is legal, doesn’t mean I want to get married.
2. I can’t believe you’re still single!?
Most people say this with the intent of being supportive but that’s not the way many gay men hear it. Instead, the internal translation goes something like this:
You must be super picky or Why doesn’t anybody want you?
Most of us are all too aware of our singleness. Reinforcing our reality only makes things worse. If you want to be supportive, simply ask us if we’ve been dating and how that’s going.
You might get some uncomfortable answers but at least you won’t be putting anyone on the spot J
3. It must be so much easier dating a guy than a girl.
Dating is dating. No matter the gender of the person you’re trying to start a relationship with, it’s going to be difficult. All relationships take work.
Yes, honestly, I think there’s maybe some things that are easier about dating someone of the same gender, because your experience of the world, as a guy, is more likely to be similar to another guy’s.
But to say that it must be “so much easier” dating a guy, is wrong, and honestly, somewhat misogynistic.
4 Are you a top or a bottom?
First of all, I’m verse, but that’s not the point. The point is, unless you’re asking me because you are interested in sleeping with me, it’s frankly none of your business. Yes, of course, friends talk about this stuff all the time.
Related: Definition of a gay power bottom
But I don’t need a straight friend, or lord forbid a family member, asking me about my sexual preferences.
I don’t know if they think they’re being progressive and supportive by asking, but honestly, it’s abrasive and rude to ask me this right away.
5 .Do you know my nephew; he’s also gay!
Cool! I also enjoy sucking a meaty c*ck, but that doesn’t mean me and your nephew should be dating. Did you know I have a niece who is straight? Maybe you should date her!
You see, just because you know another, breathing gay man, doesn’t mean we should be dating. We have standards. We have preferences. We have types. Not all gay men know each other, and neither do all of want to date each one another.
6. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Anyone who says this has clearly never been fishing. Yes, there are literally millions of fish in the sea, just like there are millions of gay men all over the world who are single. But as anyone who has been fishing will tell you, there are days where you don’t catch a single damn one.
And it doesn’t matter how many fish there are if you’re not catching any. Also, fish tend to congregate in certain places, like gay men. So if you live in NY or SF, then yes, there are more options. If you live in a small town in the midwest, there are fewer fish (or gay men) there.
7. Do you want to have/adopt kids?
Stop. Please just stop. Why are you asking us this? We have no damn idea, and since we don’t have a biological clock, ticking inside of us, we literally don’t have to know.
If we decide to have kids at 45, we can do that. This question just gives us a panic attack, and we don’t want to have to explain, how even though we can now adopt kids, that we still don’t want to bring any rugrats into the world.
So yeah, please stop us asking these questions. And dare I say it, we may actually be happy being single. I know, crazy right?