Stop crying about being a single gay man when you live on Grindr
By: Rico Woods
When I was 30, I used to live on Grinder. I know what it’s like to tap onto the app as a quick way of “ordering in”. I didn’t care because at that time, all I could think about was getting off. But now that I am 35, my focus has shifted.
Sure, I’m still interested in messing around from time to time but what I really want is to find a serious boyfriend. I supposed that’s why I decided to do what a lot of gay men do and remove gay hookup apps from my phone. It was a time huge time suck.
Plus, I got sick of potential dates saying, “Hey, didn’t I see you on Grindr?”
What’s screwed up is how many of us seem to want a relationship but continue to whore ourselves out on Scruff and the like under the guise of “Oh – its’s just another way to meet guys.”
To the gay men who use that excuse – sorry – you are full of it.
Sure, there are guys who genuinely use Grindr as a conduit for making connections. But when you live on the thing pretty much 24/7, you really aren’t looking for a boyfriend. Instead, you are just telling the world that you are some skank ass hoe that is putting your need for dick ahead of anything romantic.
Folks, we live in a hookup culture, I totally get it. But you can’t channel OK Cupid or Tinder on Grindr and expect to find the man of your dreams – particularly when you have it active all day and night.
That’s why I have to laugh when my friends tell me that they desperately want a boyfriend yet can’t seem to pull themselves away from their hookup apps whenever we hang out.
Some of them even chat on Grindr at the bar when they could be talking to the hot guy standing right next to them!
I’m not saying some people don’t find real dating opportunities on the apps because it does happen. But let’s be real, mostly it doesn’t. And when you think about it, doesn’t constant use of the apps send out mixed signals?
Think about it …
On the one hand, you are totally down with meeting Mr. Right. But on the other hand, you want the “right” guy to pound you out? Give me a break.
What’s up with that?
So please – don’t talk to me about how tired you are of being a gay single man and how it sucks because you can’t find someone to date.
If you really want to meet a guy, as in serious dating that’s not about hooking on the first encounter, you have to make yourself vulnerable.
What does being vulnerable mean?
Well, for starters it means not advertising to the world how many inches you are packing. It also means not using farm animals to describe yourself and what you are into. It means getting off the apps and out into the real world where you actually engage people in human dialogue.
Being vulnerable, at least to me, requires that you don’t exclude other gay men because of impossible expectations that nobody can ever meet. And finally, it means not feeling rejected because sex didn’t happen on the first date.
I think it’s time to start calling people out on their crap. People ultimately will show you their true colors if you give them enough time. All of us are adults and I recognize that some people are more mature than others.
But honestly – dating already is a challenge so let’s not pretend that hookup apps make things better.
If you want a man, put yourself out there and move beyond the physical. There’s plenty of us who want to meet you.