How To Wipe Your Butt and Avoid Skid Marks Every Guy Should Read!

wipe your butt

Learn to wipe your butt the right way – please!

I feel compelled to write this article after being with a guy who clearly didn’t know how to wipe his butt. My discovery of his nastiness came when I was kneeling in front of him as he sat in a chair.

Yep, I was doing exactly what you are thinking.

Bunched around his ankles were jeans and white boxers. As I was doing my thing, my eye suddenly caught sight of a massive streak, skidding across his Calvin’s.

OMG … Yuck!

Honestly, the grossest thing in the world is to see a brown trail of gruel in a dude’s drawers. It totally ruins the moment and gives a whole new meaning to “gag reflex”.

Related: Guy poops in new boyfriend’s bed

Seriously, I had to stop what I was doing to excuse myself. While I can’t be certain, I’m pretty sure he figured out what was wrong because he got up and put on a new pair of briefs.

The damage, however, was done.

So for what it’s worth, here are 5 butt wiping tips for men. Please pass on to other guys who likely need this info.

how to wipe your butt
Wiping your butt involves more than cheap toilette paper!

1. Use Wipes

Probably the best thing you can do to ensure your rear end is clean is to spend a few bucks on wipes. These pre-moistened sheets do a wonderful job with sopping up the “extra” that lingers around the outer anal wall.

You could spend dough on brand-name products, like Dude Wipes but honestly, most chain stores like Walgreens sell a cheap house brand.

The point is to use something that allows for dabbing while not chaffing your hole. If you require discretion, order some in bulk from Amazon.

2. Quality Toilette Paper

Are you one of those guys who looks for the cheapest brand of toilette paper at the grocery store? Well guess what, your penny pinching ways are doing no favors to your anus – or your underwear!

Not all rolls of toilette paper are created the same. Some brands use near see-through sheets that couldn’t absorb an ounce of water. If there’s one thing you want to splurge on, it’s TP guys. Go for well established brands. If you can get something with an indented print, even better. The grooves help to get into creases that flat paper just can’t.

Related: Here’s what really turns off tops

3. Witch Hazel

If you don’t want to keep wipes around your bathroom, consider getting a bottle of witch hazel. When you are done with the initial pass through, take a little witch hazel and put a few drops on the toilette paper.

The benefit here is that you are delivering moisture to your hole. Additionally, you are getting rid of the microscopic leftovers that love to live around your inner butt.

4. Wipe from Front to Back

It’s shocking that a lot of guys don’t know this but here it goes. When you clean your butt, take a wipe or moistened piece of toilette paper and go from front to back.

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If you wipe the other way (back to front) you are pushing the material towards your junk. For a number of reasons, you really don’t want to do this. Not only does it stink, you are also causing dingle-berries to get caught in your crack.

Oh, when you wipe – use moderate pressure. No need to dig in hard. Firm but gentle strength is the way to go. Keep repeating the wiping until you see a clear result.

5. Bend Over in the Shower

When you shower, do you take care to wash between your crack? In my experience, a lot of guys don’t. Trust me, just letting soapy water run down your backside and into your butt area isn’t going to do the job.

Related: Digestive health for bottoms

If you have pooped during the day, make sure at some point you take a shower. This means adjusting the water to a comfortable level and letting the shower head aim an intense stream towards your sugar walls.

Put some soap on your fingers, lather them a bit and get into your crack. It’s the only way to make sure it’s cleaned good. If you have a handheld showerhead, even better!

how to wipe your butt
When you wipe your butt right, you can smile with confidence

Wipe Your Butt Final Thoughts

I wrote this “how to wipe your butt” post for guys because there are just too many men (gay and straight) who neglect this part of proper hygiene.

Oh – and before I forget – always wash your hands after you wipe. That may seem silly to say but I’ve seen guys at the gym take a crap and head right out to the gym floor – without bothering to wash. Think of that the next time you use a piece of equipment.

Hopefully, you will remember what’s been shared here the next time you take a crap.

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  • Wow it is sad that this article had to be written. Thankfully I have not experience what the author did. As a bottom I wipe about 6 times to make sure I’m clean and of course shower.

  • Chris Lion

    I use wipes at home, but I don’t have them at work. I’ve found a little bit of spit on the last wipe of (fresh) TP gets the residuals.

    As for washing my crack in the shower? Man, it’s like I’m digging for gold! It’s my one good chance to get in there and scratch the hell out of my ass, without working about stinky/shitty fingers!

  • sfjohn

    I installed a bidet toilet seat in my home. After all these years with it I dread taking a crap anywhere else. It’s as if the whole USA is a 3rd world country. While wipes are a good idea it’s nothing like a quick power wash, and then drying with either toilet paper or a towel, which only absorbs left over water & is otherwise clean as a whistle… Cost about $100 bucks, nothing fancy, best investment ever, especially because I and my husband both have quite hairy butts!

    • ricky samora

      tmi

      • Zink Anderson

        Same here, although I have always had one here in the states. After seeing one in a movie when I was 5, I had to have one. I got my dads best friend a plumber, to install one in my bathroom the next year when we built our addition. Pretty sure my mom still does not know what it is for. LOL

      • Zink Anderson

        Get educated man. You will be cleaner and it saves trees!

    • Zink Anderson

      Same here, although I have always had one here in the states. After
      seeing one in a movie when I was 5, I had to have one. I got my dads
      best friend a plumber, to install one in my bathroom the next year when
      we built our addition. Pretty sure my mom still does not know what it
      is for. LOL –

  • ricky samora

    gays are so disgusting

    • Jorge L Gonzalez Jr

      Not nearly as disgusting as homphobes!!

    • H.M. Queen Elizabeth II

      Says the straight dude in drag.

    • Bustingbichs

      Ricky you are disgusting. All of your comments come from a disgusting, self hating place. You seem like a very unhappy person who only derives pleasure from hating others( with the exception of the lion, somehow you sympathize with a wild creature). Your grammar is terrible, while harshing on people for lack of education and all the while lacking to exercise yours. A few instructions to save the world and internet some grief:
      1. Go back to troll cave.
      2. Cry to yourself and get all those bad emotions out.
      3. If you still feel as though you harbor I’ll feelings, delete internet accounts.
      3. Write letter telling your parents that you are sorry for dissapointing them and that you don’t blame them for how you turned out.
      5. Drink bleach.
      6. Save the world.

      • Lean Muscle

        GFYS old troll

        • Bustingbichs

          I do just that from time to time. Feels great. You should try it sometime. Then maybe you would have the patience to get a bigger vocabulary than some used up acronym, much like yourself.

      • ricky samora

        wow you sure took a lot of time and effort writing whatever u did ( didn’t even read it) focus on ur life and don’t waste precious time writing long and thought out responses that no one cares about- get a job or a hobbie–lol

        • Bustingbichs

          It takes just a few seconds and not much thought(upwards of 80wmp). Dealing with trolls is a mindless task. Hardly worth the effort. You however continue to refuse to use that education and apply it to your grammar. Job-check. Hobbies-check. Friends-check. Family- check. You obviously cared or you would have not responded. Take your own advice. I’m sure there is something more productive you can do.

  • Carebare

    But what if you like dirty sanchez?

  • Richard J

    Just a warning, those moist wipes do not break down fast enough and can cause major blockage of your plumbing.

  • Richard J

    The New York Times and USA Today both did stories about “flushable wipes” and how they have blocked the sewer system.

  • Lean Muscle

    I remember when this happened to me once. Made me throw up.

  • Dav

    If it takes you more than 3 or 4 wipes to clean your hole, you’re not getting enough fibre. Simple af.

  • nobleknight2

    Sanctimonious evil queen in the midst….that’s why I don’t identify with Christians or queers.

  • Vinnie NYC

    I found bath salts to be really helpful when cleaning up. However, do do the credit card swipe it’s a wast of bath salts. Your hole will love you for it.