Gay Dating Tip for Online
By: John Hollywood
Whether you’re 22 and you’ve just moved to a new city for your first big job or you’re 62 and ready to get back in the game, online dating is probably a path to finding the right partner you’ve considered. However, that doesn’t mean gay dating online isn’t scary, and the fact is that there are plenty of mistakes first-timers can make.
Here are five tips to make sure you avoid a bunch of drama while looking around for that someone special.
1. List Your Goals
No, you don’t want to list your dating goals on your online profile, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a realistic list made up for yourself. Before you sign up for any online dating site and fill in your profile information, you should sit down and write out what you want from a relationship and a partner.
Are you looking for the type of guy that’s going to lead to marriage and kids down the road? Are you hoping to meet someone who is of a certain income bracket? Maybe you’re just looking for a fun fling with someone you think is sexy and not a complete moron?
Whatever you’re looking for, you need to start by being honest with yourself about it. Make a physical list with a pen and paper, or type it up and print it out. Those are your dating rules for now, but don’t be afraid to amend them later on. Above all, make sure that whatever you list is realistic and not fantasy based. The truth is, chasing bad boys for gay men never really works.
2. Build Your Profile Carefully
A lot of advice you’ll find online about Internet dating will tell you that a carefully crafted profile is the key to cracking the code when it comes to finding a date or a gay partner online. While it’s always fun to show up the Internet advice crowd, this is one time when they have it right.
When you build a profile on a dating site (or app), you want to make sure it is polished and interesting to read. If you make numerous spelling mistakes, you may be sending the unintended message that you aren’t all that bright. That old saying about first impressions being powerful really is true!
The same goes for the information that you put in your profile. If you write a long-winded diatribe about how your job is boring and you’re looking for something to quell your boredom, you’re going to end up with somebody just as bored as you.
Plain and simple, you want to be yourself in an online dating profile, but you want to present your best self. That includes your profile pictures too. Use photographs that currently represent your physique and avoid photo-editing them whenever possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t do things to improve your appearance.
3. Craft Unique Messages
If you’re going to meet that special somebody — or somebody you think is special — for a potential connection, that’s going to mean crafting some killer first messages, especially if you’re going after an attractive gay man.
However, that doesn’t mean you have to shoot out an electronic note immediately upon seeing the guy’s picture. If you find a profile you like and you’re intrigued by the person attached to it, take some time to think about what you would like to say that goes beyond, “Wow – you are super attractive – what are you into?”
When you’re crafting that initial message, it’s important to keep a few things in mind. First, you need to keep your note short and sweet. Don’t write a novel about how you loved their profile and how you have 10,000 things in common, listing them all in separate paragraphs.
Instead, try something simple and casual that gets the conversation rolling. Here’s one of many examples:
Hi! I love that picture of you and your dog. Is he a French bulldog? I have one too. Anyway, I enjoyed reading through your profile and can see that we both love animals. Have you ever taken a stroll through dog-park on the weekend? It’s amazing.
-Insert Your Name Here
4. Create Timely Replies
If you’ve sent your first message, or gotten a message in your inbox from somebody that probably doesn’t live under a bridge or sleep in a bed with 17 cats, you’re off to a great start. But you can kill your online dating chances by taking too long to reply to initial messages or responses to yours.
The world of online dating moves fast, so don’t drag your feet if you’re interested in getting to know a guy better. You can wait a few hours to think of how to reply or until you’re not at work. But if you wait four or five days to reply to a message, you can pretty much say goodbye to your chances with that person. It sets a negative tone for the relationship, whether either of you realizes it or not. They’ve also probably moved on to somebody else by now, since you didn’t seem interested in talking.
5. No FOMO
Online dating can make all of us – gay or straight – feel like a kid in a candy store, and once you figure out the system, you’ll have an incredible way to contact and potentially meet all sorts of men. That can be a serious problem if you’ve met somebody you like spending time with though, and it can limit your possibilities for building a real relationship.
FOMO, or fear of missing out, is real in the online dating world. There’s nothing wrong with casual dating if that’s what you’re looking for, but if meeting Mr. Right is what matters to you, you need to put the brakes on dating too much when you’re getting to know somebody. If you’re worried about what’s next and who is still out there you might miss out on the person standing right in front of you already.
Online dating can be a great way to meet gay men, but you’ve got to use it the right way. You’ll start to figure out the fine details of how you want to use online dating sites on your own over time, the five tips mentioned here may make your experience a lot less painful.
If you are looking for more tips on gay dating and how to better position yourself in a complicated world, consider picking up a copy of the book: Gay Dating Success by dating coach, Oliver Bird.
Inside, you’ll find lots of practical insight on things that may be stopping you from meeting a partner and how you can create positive change today.