Top Men Are Tops for a Reason
One of the silliest, stupidest things going around the Internet these days is the idea that you can somehow magically transform a guy who identifies as a top (or predominant top) into a bottom. There are webpages that purport how to do this and suggestions that tops can become bottoms through hypnosis. Maybe it is possible to change someone’s true north – who knows.
But is trying to make a top turn into a bottom really a good idea?
It is our belief that some people are simply born tops. It’s just part of their DNA. The same holds true for gay men who pretty much identify as exclusive bottoms. That’s not to say some guys aren’t versatile because many are. But generally speaking, according to some research, most gay men have a preference.
That’s why it is so baffling to read stories about guys who think they have the power to decide how their man will behave in the sack. Maybe you are one of these men? If you are, what are your motivations? Is it because you are also a top and realize compatibility may be a challenge? Or is it because you harbor some narcissistic fantasy that you can exert power and control over another guy?
Is trying to make a top turn into a bottom really a good idea?
Believe it or not, it is possible for two tops to be in a relationship together. Just as it is possible for two bottoms. But trying to force someone into being something they are not is a recipe for disaster.
What follows are five reasons you should never try to make a top man bottom. Some of these points may seem intuitive while other will cause you to think. Read them all in order to get the full perspective.
1. It could backfire
Most guys who identify as “top” or “vers top” do so because by golly – that is what they like. And while it is hard to generalize, it is safe to say that many tops fall on the dominant side of the spectrum. That’s why it is super offensive to tops whenever a guy starts reaching for their butt and aggressively trying to shove fingers up their hole. It’s not cool and it doesn’t turn them on.
And while it may be possible at some point for you to insert your love stick in him, you need to know that your efforts could backfire. This happens when you make him feel like he must put out in order to be with you. Over time, this can cause that guy you like to feel angry and even resentful. How would you feel if the situation was reversed?
2. He’s not going to be the bottom you want
If you really are looking for a guy to be your bottom man, why not go fishing for that kind of trout? Why would you try to make your guy do something that he’s simply not programmed for? Even if he does decide to do it, he’s never going to be able to perform the way he does in your fantasy.
Here is why …
That’s just not who he is. Period. Most guys who identify as mostly top have spent years crafting their trade. In many cases, it is part of their persona. To expect that you can morph him into some kind of hungry bottom for you to dominate is to believe you hold power over him … and not in a good way.
3. He’s going to want to top someone
If you are a top reading this and trying to make your top boyfriend or FB convert to a bottom, be ready to for him to get his needs met elsewhere. That may be hard to read but it is totally true. Remember, most guys identify as tops for a reason. Just because you got him to flip a few times doesn’t mean he likes it.
What could end up happening is that he’ll find another hole to stick is lollipop in – and it won’t be yours. If you believe most tops are quasi-dominant, then you should understand that in order for them to function in that vein, they need act it out. True tops don’t need to fake dominance and don’t need to be told how to take control – they just do it. The question is do you want him getting dominant with you or someone else?
4. Trying to control someone never works
On a deeper, psychological level, it’s just wrong to try and control your man (or anyone for that matter). In fact, doing so constitutes a selfish behavior that may be the demise of your relationship (be it casual or serious).
You aren’t a vampire and that guy you like isn’t someone that can be “converted” to the other side. No matter how much you may like getting thumped, true tops aren’t going to be down with it. That’s not to say that he can’t enjoy the experience from time to time but generally speaking, he’s going to revert back to his natural position. – just as you are.
5. It’s a game you will ultimately lose
This final point is fairly straight forward. If you are a gay man who thinks it is your mission to convert tops into bottoms, look at yourself in the mirror the next time you ask yourself: Why am I still single? That may be rough to hear but it is true.
Sex isn’t a zero sum game. It’s much more complicated than that. And while it may be cool to experiment and open him up to new experiences, at the end of the day he is a top. And like all creatures of nature, he’s going to need to be who he is.
To believe otherwise is to think Darth Vader would bend over for Chewbacca.