Attention Bottoms: Top Men Will Probably Never Tell You This But We Will
Some people believe that tops are a dying breed in the gay community. Maybe that’s because when you fire up your favorite hook up app, most of the guys you encounter are looking for a ride.
Oh he may describe himself as “versatile”, but when you get the dude behind closed doors, he suddenly becomes a total bottom. “I’m in a bottom kind of mood if that’s OK?”
But here is the deal – there’s LOTS of tops out there. In fact, the research suggests that the ratio of people who identify themselves as top or bottom is fairly even split.
So why is finding a good top so hard to find? Where the heck are they?
The difficult truth is that many men who primarily sleep on the top bunk don’t put themselves on the market because they have grown tired of dealing with selfish bottoms who exhibit narcissistic behaviors.
That may sound ridiculous but it’s also completely true. Given interest in this topic, we decided to conduct a bit of research.
Specifically, we asked 50 men who call themselves “tops” or “vers tops” the specific things bottoms do that turn them off.
Our jaws dropped when we saw the top 5 reasons and we think your’s will too.
Related: Definition of a power bottom
What follows are the results, which we are making available for the first time. Some of these behaviors may seem obvious, while others will cause you to pause and reflect. Read them all so that you are able to see the big picture.
We’ve included a poll to vote in at the end so be sure to chime in.
Let’s jump right in!
1. Calling your hole a “Man P-ssy”
Some sexy talk can be hot – particularly if you are involved in role play. It just depends upon the dynamics. But one of the biggest ways to turn off your top is when you call your butt something ordinarily reserved for girls.
The same holds true if you call your hole a “[email protected]#!” (rhymes with blunt) or something similar.
We hate to break it to you but it it is just really weird for a top man to be inside of a guy who refers to himself this way. If you are wondering why that hot dude never called you back for seconds, now you know.
2. You turn into a flaming queen when he’s inside
Are you the type of guy who most people think of as masculine but for reasons unknown, transform into a flaming queen when you are getting topped? Does your voice go from a rich baritone to a glass breaking soprano when he’s inside of you?
Do you get all Shirley Temple and adopt her voice, saying things like: “Oh My … Oh My … Oh My!” with each new thrust?
If you are doing these things, you have to know it is just freaky! Plus, it is one of the fastest ways to make your top man soft. It is crazy this one needs to be mentioned but apparently, someone has to tell you to lower the flame!
3. You skip any type of foreplay
While it is true there are some guys who like to get right down to business, most tops appreciate it when you engage in a little buildup to the fun. Here, we are talking about mutual stroking, sucking and so forth.
But if you are basically wagging your tail in the air right from the get go, you may unknowingly be sending an unattractive message that screams “just [email protected]#* me!”
Remember, for the most part the top is doing most of the work. Don’t you think you should try to get him going just a little? While you may think your ass is enough to carry the day – it’s probably not. Don’t be a selfish bottom. Seriously, don’t.
Related: How to be a better gay top
4. You just got done eating a meal
OMG is this GROSS if you are doing this! One of the biggest turn offs for most tops is finding out that one of his bottoms has just eaten a meal before he gets thumped. Think about it – your body has just digested a bunch of food.
Don’t you realize that the digestive process is going to require some time to happen? Do you really think it is attractive to hear your stomach gurgling as it breaks down that sandwich you just inhaled?
And just so you know, when you eat food just before sitting on someone, you are prone to silent quiffs. It’s not attractive and it also smells.
Lastly, you run the risk of getting all bound up because you haven’t let your body do its job (it takes up to 4 hours to properly digest a meal).
5. You haven’t properly cleaned yourself
This one is probably the most obvious but is worth stating. If you identify as a bottom, you need to know how to properly clean yourself. Taking a shower isn’t going to cut it. There’s nothing worse than a man pulling out of you and seeing (or smelling) the nastiness of your innards.
Take the time to learn about how to ride a guy the right way – which involves cleaning as part of the process.
Biggest Turn Off Poll
If you happen to be a top or versatile, be sure to vote in this biggest turn offs for tops poll. The results might surprise you – a lot.