5 Things Bottoms Do That Turn Tops Off Every Time

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Attention Bottoms: Top Men Will Probably Never Tell You This But We Will

Some people believe that tops are a dying breed in the gay community. Maybe that’s because when you fire up your favorite hook up app, most of the guys you encounter are looking for a ride.

Oh he may describe himself as “versatile”, but when you get the dude behind closed doors, he suddenly becomes a total bottom. “I’m in a bottom kind of mood if that’s OK?

Sound familiar?

But here is the deal – there’s LOTS of tops out there. In fact, the research suggests that the ratio of people who identify themselves as top or bottom is fairly even split.

So why is finding a good top so hard to find? Where the heck are they?

The difficult truth is that many men who primarily sleep on the top bunk don’t put themselves on the market because they have grown tired of dealing with selfish bottoms who exhibit narcissistic behaviors.

That may sound ridiculous but it’s also completely true. Given interest in this topic, we decided to conduct a bit of research.

Specifically, we asked 50 men who call themselves “tops” or “vers tops” the specific things bottoms do that turn them off.

Our jaws dropped when we saw the top 5 reasons and we think your’s will too.

Related: Definition of a power bottom

What follows are the results, which we are making available for the first time. Some of these behaviors may seem obvious, while others will cause you to pause and reflect. Read them all so that you are able to see the big picture.

We’ve included a poll to vote in at the end so be sure to chime in.

Let’s jump right in!

5 signs that gay man is emotionally unavailable
Things Bottoms Do That are Turn Offs

1. Calling your hole a “Man P-ssy”

Some sexy talk can be hot – particularly if you are involved in role play. It just depends upon the dynamics. But one of the biggest ways to turn off your top is when you call your butt something ordinarily reserved for girls.

The same holds true if you call your hole a “[email protected]#!” (rhymes with blunt) or something similar.

We hate to break it to you but it it is just really weird for a top man to be inside of a guy who refers to himself this way. If you are wondering why that hot dude never called you back for seconds, now you know.

2. You turn into a flaming queen when he’s inside

Are you the type of guy who most people think of as masculine but for reasons unknown, transform into a flaming queen when you are getting topped? Does your voice go from a rich baritone to a glass breaking soprano when he’s inside of you?

Do you get all Shirley Temple and adopt her voice, saying things like: “Oh My … Oh My … Oh My!” with each new thrust?

If you are doing these things, you have to know it is just freaky! Plus, it is one of the fastest ways to make your top man soft. It is crazy this one needs to be mentioned but apparently, someone has to tell you to lower the flame!

3. You skip any type of foreplay

While it is true there are some guys who like to get right down to business, most tops appreciate it when you engage in a little buildup to the fun. Here, we are talking about mutual stroking, sucking and so forth.

But if you are basically wagging your tail in the air right from the get go, you may unknowingly be sending an unattractive message that screams “just [email protected]#* me!”

Remember, for the most part the top is doing most of the work. Don’t you think you should try to get him going just a little? While you may think your ass is enough to carry the day – it’s probably not. Don’t be a selfish bottom. Seriously, don’t.

Related: How to be a better gay top

4. You just got done eating a meal 

OMG is this GROSS if you are doing this! One of the biggest turn offs for most tops is finding out that one of his bottoms has just eaten a meal before he gets thumped. Think about it – your body has just digested a bunch of food.

Don’t you realize that the digestive process is going to require some time to happen? Do you really think it is attractive to hear your stomach gurgling as it breaks down that sandwich you just inhaled?

And just so you know, when you eat food just before sitting on someone, you are prone to silent quiffs. It’s not attractive and it also smells.

Lastly, you run the risk of getting all bound up because you haven’t let your body do its job (it takes up to 4 hours to properly digest a meal).

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5. You haven’t properly cleaned yourself

This one is probably the most obvious but is worth stating. If you identify as a bottom, you need to know how to properly clean yourself. Taking a shower isn’t going to cut it. There’s nothing worse than a man pulling out of you and seeing (or smelling) the nastiness of your innards.

Take the time to learn about how to ride a guy the right way – which involves cleaning as part of the process.

Biggest Turn Off Poll

If you happen to be a top or versatile, be sure to vote in this biggest turn offs for tops poll. The results might surprise you – a lot.


  1. Some grammar errors in your article. In #1 “you but” should be “your butt” and in #2 “fame” should be “flame”

  2. what pathetic excuse for a man, still obviously crippled by internalized homophobia, wrote this?
    i’ve nevet heard of this site until today. are your articles all written by insecure gay men internalized homophobia or this an anomaly?

  3. Oh hurray another chance to femme shame Gay men! I love fighting for LGBT acceptance and freedom for 30 years so that we could transform ourselves into the people telling each other we’re too nelly.

  4. This is sexism and machismo at its finest. Where’s your article about how tops objectify bottoms the same way men do women

  5. Thank goodness somebody had the balls to post this. I’m so tired of bottoms screaming about “bottom shaming” but the minute you try to tell them something, they get all pissed off. I’m a top and am sick of being shamed for being a hung top. And yeah – please do clean your ass out before and clean it good!!

    • I KNEW IT!!! I knew cleanliness was next to godliness! I hope 110% of
      bottoms are reading this article- dear bottom: I have to by nature look
      at certain locations of your physique, you get to point your head far
      away from mine, please do me the honor or WASHING YOUR @$$ first!!! I
      don’t know what prison daddy told you he enjoys the scent (D-bo) but no
      human being wants to smell that.

  6. Oddly, it is always the tops that refer to my hole as a manpussy, mancunt, or mangina, something I never do. I warn them but they do it any way and then I start laughing and that ends the encounter. Their loss.

    • Hi, Abelard,

      My meat goes super soft when a guy refers to his behind with any of the terms you mentioned here (particularly mangina). If I wanted to top a girl, I would. I expect the guys I thump out to be men and take it like men – not some girl.

      • I am with you on this guys, a big turn off. I think some bottoms are sexually confused about their genitals

      • Tom, I was addressing the fact that tops use those terms all the time. I stopped counting the number of times I have had people send me a message on an app saying, “I want to fuck your mancunt.” Gee, how special. Fine by me if you want bottoms to stop using those terms. The tops need to stop doing that as well.

        • I’m a top and have never sent a guy on an app a message that referred to his hole with those terms. Any top that does that has some issues.

  7. I remember about a year ago, I had met this guy who said he was mostly bottom on scruff. I liked him because he seemed masculine. We ended up meeting at his place and messing around. When I was inside of him, he kept getting real loud and sounding super girlish. “Oh yeah – oh yeah, stick it in my man …..(rhymes with blunt and starts with C). It just turned me off so much that I couldn’t stay hard. When he asked me if it was something that he had done, I was honest with him. It turns out he thought yelling like that was a turn on. Not sure where he got that idea but he did.

    • Something similar happened to me Kenny but it wasn’t his voice that made me go soft but instead, he mannerisms. He just started acting like a big ol’ girl. And it didn’t help that he also was a little dirty. Bottoms need to learn to clean up down there.

    • I honestly feel like porn has impacted a lot of perceptions about sex (i.e., nonstop dirty talk is a must).

      • I think that’s very true, particularly for a lot of guys in their early 20’s who almost seem to need it in order to get off.

  8. Yeah we’re all homophobes because we want guys who bottom to wash up and not turn into giant girls. You are the a-hole! Maybe you need to start taking a hose to yours you old queen.

    • “Flaming Queen” is a homophobic epithet conscripted by heterosexual bigots to shame gay men who have more “feminine” mannerisms. For a gay man to use it to shame another gay man for any reason is sad and pathetic, and also known as internalized homophobia. Your level of social consciousness and self awareness by calling me an “old queen” is clearly questionable. Did I say anything else about the article? No I did not. Feel free to reach out to me if you would like to discuss your struggle with your sexual orientation, and how it relates to others in your community. Otherwise, know what you’re talking about before you reply to a comment, because you’re coming off a bit stupid.

      • I have to say this. It sucks that we have to get rid of our cultural language because of the PC people. Can you prove that “flaming queen” was coined by hetero men? Or are you just repeating BS you have heard over and over again. Why are you trying to take away our cultural and historical roots? We don’t want to be like straights dumb ass!

  9. Are you sure those are gay bottoms and not insecure straight guys biting off more than they can chew? But I did laugh at the comment!

  10. This is the dumbest thing I have ever read. Congratulations on setting the LGBT community back several decades.

  11. Loved this article – thanks for having the guys to post. A few years ago, I remember hooking up with a guy who didn’t tell me he had just eaten. After I started thumping him, he kept on farting really, really bad. In fact, we had to stop. He later told me he had cabbage soup for lunch an hour earlier and that he was sorry is “man-gina” was making noise. Biggest turn off ever. Where have all the real men gone?

    • They got an education and realized they didn’t have to live up to heteronormative ideals?

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