My Boyfriend’s Beard Is a Turn Off

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He loves his beard and apparently other men do too—why can’t I just bring myself to embrace his unkempt look?

By: Joseph Jones – Washington, D.C.

“It’s my face and I can do what I want with it!”

That’s what my boyfriend of four and a half years said after I asked him to shave his new beard a few days before his thirty-second birthday in 2015. When we met—and for the first two years of our relationship—he was baby-faced.

Today, he still has the beard he started growing in 2015.

I’ll admit it guys. Looking back it wasn’t the best way to tell him how I felt but in the heat of the moment it just came out. He resented the fact that I didn’t like his beard, even though he wouldn’t say it, and I could tell my comment about it was just fuel on the fire of our argument.

More: Men with beards perceived as more masculine

He was hell bent on expressing his masculinity this way and there was nothing I could do to change that.

These days when we hit the club, or even go out for dinner in the city, the compliments from other men are daunting.

Guys will stop him and say, nice beard man, and he always responds with, Glad you like it, my boyfriend doesn’t. I’ve gotten used to the looks and comments that come after that.

It’s nice, you don’t like it? It’s becoming of him, great beard. 

I feel like a judgmental boyfriend for a few seconds but then I remember how his baby-blue eyes compliment the baby-face hiding beneath that jungle of hair.

Sometimes when we make love in the living room I find myself looking up from the fireplace at the framed picture of him when he was in the Navy.

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He loves his beard, and apparently other men do too—why can’t I just bring myself to embrace his unkempt look?

After he embraced his beard, I started shaving mine every few months to show how flexible I can be with my own appearance.

He didn’t object to it and I wondered if this was his way of saying, I want us to switch roles. It wasn’t. I waited for him to say, I miss your beard. You looked better with your beard than without it. He didn’t.

This frustrated me to no end because a part of me felt bad about the hard time I’d given him, all because I wanted my baby-faced boyfriend back.

Still, I’ll admit it. I found myself checking out other guys with smooth faces. Sean Ford became my new favorite porn star. I watched a lot of Versace runway to get my baby-face fix. I went to a Troye Sivan concert at U-Street Music Hall and drooled over him in the front row with a crowd full of girls. I did everything I could to protest.

Ultimately, I was confused about my feelings. I wanted my hairless man back but tried to accept his new appearance.~

This winter we were glued to the television watching the Olympics in PyeongChang, South Korea and since then we’ve been crushing hard on Adam Rippon. With his bold appearance at the Academy Awards, I felt like he threw his fans a curve ball. Here’s America’s Golden Boy wearing a Moschino Tuxedo with a leather harness designed by Jeremy Scott. WTF!?

My boyfriend was at work so I sent him a picture of Adam on the Red Carpet.

We both agreed that Adam made a bold statement wearing Moschino. He could have rocked Valentino or even Ferragamo and still killed it, but he chose to wear Moschino because he “felt cool AF.”

Just recently my boyfriend reminded me of my own fashion statements, or disasters, depending on how you look at them.

I stood by you through your man-bun phase and the time you shaved your head like Nick Jonas.  

Since then I’ve tried to look at my boyfriend’s choice to rock his beard as an important part of his self-expression and a fashion statement instead of a slap in the face.

It is his face after all, right?

And at the end of the day he’s still the same man I fell in love with.