Reflections on being a bottom at college
I’ll be completely honest, when I went away to school I had no idea of what being gay was all about. For all I knew I was still trying to mask myself as bi, when I should’ve been educating myself on my own identity.
Walking into college, I was like a deer in headlights. I saw all of these beautiful men but had no idea what to do when it came down to us being in the bedroom.
Sex is great, but it’s also complicated and scary for a bottom if you have no idea of what you are doing. Growing up, all my knowledge came from p*** sites, because health classes never educated me on what hooking up with a guy looked like.
Those first few months of freshmen year were pretty awkward looking back at some past flings, but now that I’m a senior I can properly relay my own sexual tips I go by to ensure your sex life is both fun and healthy.
1. Don’t be afraid to get tested.
No one likes going to doctor. You don’t just wake up and say, “hey, you know what sounds fun today, sitting in a waiting room all day, to see if I got the clap.” But, it has to get done. Trust me, it’s easier then going to get your teeth pulled or having someone blow air into your eyeball.
If you’re like who I was my freshmen year, you might be thinking, “as long as I don’t have HIV or AIDS, I’m good.” Wrong. In fact, most STDs/STIs go unnoticed because some show no symptoms.
This is why I recommend if you are sexually active, going to get tested every three months.
If you’re looking for a safe and gay-friendly resource, check for a local LGBTQ community health center. For example in Chicago, Howard Brown Health Center offers free testing and works with you if you happen to be a person without health insurance.
You will need to survey what’s in your area to assess if there is a similar service. An easy way to do this is to simply type into your search engine: “LGBT Community Health Center Near Me”.
2. Condoms are great, PrEP is better.
There’s many reasons that you might avoid wearing a condom when you’re first bottoming in college. The top may say he doesn’t perform well, you might not like how it feels or it could be the hot spur of the moment and you forget. Whatever the reason may be, I promise that the consequences are worse for choosing to opt out of using one.
One of the main ones being that sometimes men lie about their status. So, even when you thought you’ve taken the right precaution you could still be surprised. There are several condoms that I use that are thin enough that I don’t even notice they are there.
However, don’t go too thin or too cheap, because those can break. Also, if you are hosting, keep a pack of them ready on your nightstand, just in case, your partner tries to use the excuse “I don’t have one.”
I also strongly recommend that if you are sexually active that you use PrEP. I had no clue what PrEP was before I came to college. Long story short, PrEP is a pill (Truvada) that you take daily and once it’s in your system it acts as an antibody to HIV.
This not only leaves you immune to the disease, but also opens the door if you want to have sex with partners that are HIV-positive.
I just started PrEP this past summer and I’m so happy I did. The only side effect that you might notice is stomach aches, however that’s avoidable if you make sure to eat a full meal before taking the pill.
If you are worried about the price of getting the medication, like I was, there are many places, (aka: community health centers) that may help you get started on it for free.
FYI: PrEP doesn’t prevent STDs/STIs, so you still need to make sure to play safe.
3. Invest in an enema
One of the hardest thing about being a bottom is the preparation and cleaning we have to go through before we play. Boy, this was a process that I had to get familiar with.
I remember when I bought a douche from the women’s section in Target, thinking that was suppose to go up my rear.
Let me tell you now, that does not go up there. What you are supposed to use are enemas, which are sold at most drug stores, and you use that while cleaning yourself until you excrete clear water.
However, what I am going to invest in, and so should you, is a shower enema. My friends introduced me to this and I think this is the most comfortable method.
You simply attach it to your shower head, and the water comes out of the nozzle that you insert into your anus.
There is also, little to no mess, when using a shower douche, which is why I also prefer it. The only thing you want to keep in mind is to not turn on the water to full blast because then you’ll be leaking water for the rest of the night.
Also, keep in mind accidents happen and if a guy judges you because of it, then that douche is not the one for you.
4. Talk to your partners about their status.
This is not the easiest question to ask when you are first meeting someone. But, it’s always necessary to talk to your partner about their status. What I like that most people are doing with dating apps, is putting their status in their profile.
However, not everyone is doing that so it’s important to have a conversation. Some of those questions should be, “when is the last time you got tested,” “are you HIV- or HIV+” and “are you STD/STI free.”
Now, of course you want to lead up to these questions. Don’t just get to the restaurant or as soon as they walk into the door, start firing off multiple-choice questions.
Get to know them, sit on the couch and chat, then before you move to third base, start asking those important questions. It’s always good to be safe, then horny.
5. Cuddling is OK too.
This is honestly the most important step that I want to point out to everyone. You don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to. You might invite a guy over and then wind up changing your mind, and that’s okay.
Don’t ever feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do. Some nights call just for cuddling.
There’s a lot of fun you can have without engaging in intercourse, and your partner should realize that as well. Consent is fluid, and above anything else, sex should be an enthusiastic “yes,” between both parties.
So, to all my college bottoms out there, have fun but remember when you’re playing, to always play safe.