Gay Men and Dating: 10 Things That Might Be Keeping You Single

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Dating tips for gay men

We’d be lying to ourselves if we said we didn’t want to meet Mr. Right and fall in love someday. Sure meeting someone online for a quick hookup can be fun and hot, but when is it enough?

Maybe you’ve been hurt, maybe you’ve been stood up one too many times, or maybe you’ve just met too many a-holes along the way that you’ve become one as well.




But it’s those nights that we’re alone what we start to wonder and think—will I ever meet someone? We’ve become so isolated and bitter that we no longer have a filter. We say what we want when we want, and how we want.

Related: I’d rather be a single gay man than dating a jerk

But did you ever stop and think that your approach to men and dating is the very thing that’s keeping you single? It’s easy to look at external factors when it comes to our dating woes. The hard thing is to look inward – and assess our own behaviors.

Here is the breakdown of 10 things that you might be doing to kill any chance of a relationship in the cradle. Some of these may be obvious. Other points may make you pause and reflect. Read them all in order to fully absorb their deeper meaning.

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1) Shutting Out New Opportunities 

It’s funny, the lonelier we are, the smaller and smaller our worlds become. Being out of touch with others means abandoning the most human part of ourselves – it’s the part that drives us to connect, to strive for bigger things and to ultimately to grow into the biggest, most magnanimous versions of the people we’re all capable of becoming.

Open yourself up and get out of your comfort zone.

2) Falling For Every Guy You Date

Before you could meet “the one”, you’re going to have to go on many dates. Like it or not that’s just where we’re at now in the dating world. Sometimes you’ll hit it off, sometimes you won’t. There will even be a time where you think you hit it off, but he doesn’t feel that way. That’s okay.

Related: Why gay men keep attracting the same guys over and over

Falling for him before even getting to know him you could come off as clingy and desperate. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to fall in love. But falling for him right away could scare him. So stop falling for every guy you meet, enjoy the dating life. It’s not easy, but the end results are well worth it.

3) Being Cocky

Be confident, not cocky! There’s nothing like a boner killer than a guy who can’t shut up about himself. It doesn’t matter how good looking you are or think you are– no one cares that you hit the gym three times a day: it’s a huge turn-off and is a great way to keep you single.

4) Asking For His Private Pics

If you’re looking for something real, something truly meaningful. Don’t ask for his peen size, if he’s a top or bottom, or inappropriate pictures. Even as a joke. That conversation can turn upside down fast once you go there.

Save that talk for Grindr or whatever dating app you have. Even if you want to know his sausage size, don’t be a size queen. Just wait to see it for yourself if and when the time is right. When it comes to love, none of that should matter.

5) Talking About Your Ex

No one wants to hear about your ex. At least not someone that you’re talking to or dating. That’s a conversation you’ll want to hold off on till the timing is right.

Continuing to talk about your ex, your letting the new guy know that you just might not be over your past relationship or that you might not be ready just yet to start something new.

6) Talking About Marriage

Stop being that guy who could only talk about marriage. You have the whole world in front of you–start enjoying it. You’ll never find the person you’re looking for if you don’t know when to draw the line.

It’s okay to let him know that you are open to marriage, just have your limits when doing so.

7) Being On Your Phone

Understand when to put your phone down. Your messages will still be there. If you’re hanging out with a guy or are on a date and can’t seem to lay off the phone, you probably should just call it a night.

You don’t need to Snapchat, check social media or text the whole time you both are together. You could make him feel uncomfortable or that his time is unwanted.

8) Complaining About Life

It’s important that you have an open line of communication where you’re able to be yourself when you’re both together. But there’s a difference between talking about having a bad day and just flat out complaining about everything wrong in your life.

Related: 10 ways gay men destroy their relationships

Keep in mind, you’re not together, that will get annoying. You have to have that balance on what’s appropriate and what’s not. Save your life issues for your friends.

9) Following Him on All Social Media Platforms

Stop asking guys that you like or what to date to follow you on social media. Leave some mystery to dating. The minute you start following him on any media platforms, you open up a door.

You’ll start checking his every move or liking every photo that he posts. By doing this, you’ll come off as an online stalker and can cause many red flags and will eventually kill any chance you could have with him.

10) Looking for Flaws

The final suggestion is simply this – avoid looking for his flaws. Here, I’m talking about not creating a mental list of everything that’s wrong with him. The only thing this does is sabotage any real chance of success and kills the potential for something more in the future.

I’m not saying you should overlook obvious things. For example, if he’s rude to people or extremely negative. But on the flipside, don’t write him off because he doesn’t have a perfect bod or struggles with depression.

All of us are imperfect. Be open to what’s positive about him and work from there. You’d be surprised at how this approach creates meaningful change on the dating front.


By: Angel M Rodriguez
Photo Credit: Flickr