Gay Dating Often Sucks When You Are Attractive
By: Steven in Seattle
Given how many men talk about the difficulty of gay dating, I thought I’d introduce a topic that doesn’t get nearly enough attention.
No, this isn’t another post about being fat and gay. And it’s not another article about sexual compatibility. Instead, I want to talk about the very real problem of gay dating when you’re super attractive.
Here is what you need to know:
I’m a 25-year-old gay man living in the Seattle area. I work full-time, live on my own and consider myself to be self-sufficient. And there’s something else …
I happen to be very good looking.
Please don’t think I’m telling you that to be arrogant or to make you feel like crap. That’s not my point.
Instead, I’m sharing this with you because people think that “hot looking guys” have it made on the dating front when it truth, it can suck big time.
Look, I take care of myself. I’m not going to apologize for watching what I eat, working my abs out or frequenting my gym.
On the looks front – what can I tell you is this – it’s not my fault that I’ve been genetically gifted. That’s probably true for a lot of men when you think about it.
But for all of the good that comes from being attractive (particularly in gay circles) there can be a major downside.
I know you are probably laughing at this but it’s true. Let me share seven of these with you.
1. Nobody approaches you
Early on in my coming out process, I realized that people assumed that just because I was a good looking that I was also arrogant.
What sucks about this is that potential suitors are afraid to talk to you! They somehow got it in their head that I won’t converse because I’m stuck up.
The end result? Nobody approaches you.
2. Guys look at you just as a hookup
Another downside to being very good looking in gaydom is that guys objectify you. In other words, they are just looking at you for sex. What stinks about this is that you never get the chance to let others see you for who you really are.
For example, on my last date, all the guy did was ask me questions about my workout routine and what positions I liked. I kept thinking, “Is this a hookup or a date?”
He didn’t seem the slightest bit interested in my love of sports, my political views or even the types of things I look for in a guy.
Related: Does he want a date or a hookup?
3. You get pawed on at bars
Yeah, Yeah – who doesn’t like to be the focus of attention at the bars, right? But do you know what it’s like to have people pawing on you while you’re trying to have a good time with friends?
The crappy part about this one is that most of the time, the idiots who do it are totally drunk.
But when you tell them to stop, they get all offended and start calling you names!
“You aren’t that hot a$$-hole!” I’ve been told. Oh, and there’s, “You are such a little princess!”.
I’m just saying that it’s not all upside when you are a good looking dude. I guess that’s why I don’t go out that much anymore.
4. Gay men get jealous
I don’t want to paint with a wide brush here but a lot of gay men get extremely jealous around other guys who are good looking.
I’ve particularly noticed this with some bears and overweight types. You don’t think I’ve overheard people say stupid things like: “Oh, he’s too much trouble,” and “He probably sucks in bed.”
I don’t know why people in our community get so envious of one another but speaking for guys who are attractive, this non-sense needs to stop.
5. Some people think you are a hooker
“Tell me, are you a male escort?” That is a question I have gotten at least a dozen times from random men I have chatted with on Grindr or Scruff. The assumption is that because I am good looking, I must be for sale.
“I’m a generous$ guy who is interested.” That “$” sign is code for money in case you didn’t know. Whenever I see someone use it during a chat, I block them right away. Think about it, wouldn’t you?
6. Gay men assume you are super hung
My pet peeve is when I am dating a guy and we get to the point of intimacy, he expects to find a monster in my pants. Sorry, but just because a man is handsome doesn’t mean he’s pack’n meat.
I’m average. I’m not super big but I’m not small. What’s wrong with having an average size d*ick anyway? It’s not a mortal sin. But some gays think that good looking = long and thick and it’s just not true.
7. Feeling like you have to apologize
The final part about being an attractive gay man is the feeling that I always need to apologize for my looks on dates.
Do you know what it is like to have the person sitting across from you say, “Why would you be interested in me – I don’t look like you?” Another one is, “I’m not sure we’re a good match because you are so much better looking.”
It’s like the date is killed in the cradle before it can take baby steps. I’ve had to catch myself more than once from saying I’m sorry as a result.
Summing It Up
I just thought I would let people know what it’s like on the other side of the gay dating spectrum.
It’s not all unicorns and rainbows. Stereotypes work both ways, regardless if you are handsome or abundantly overweight.
The next time you throw a pity party for yourself because you can’t find anyone, keep what I have shared with you here in mind.