7 Struggles of Gay Dating When You’re Super Attractive

shirtless gay man

Gay Dating Often Sucks When You Are Attractive

By: Steven in Seattle

Given how many men talk about the difficulty of gay dating, I thought I’d introduce a topic that doesn’t get nearly enough attention.

No, this isn’t another post about being fat and gay. And it’s not another article about sexual compatibility. Instead, I want to talk about the very real problem of gay dating when you’re super attractive.

Here is what you need to know:

I’m a 25-year-old gay man living in the Seattle area. I work full-time, live on my own and consider myself to be self-sufficient. And there’s something else …

I happen to be very good looking.

Like Gay Pop Buzz Facebook

Please don’t think I’m telling you that to be arrogant or to make you feel like crap. That’s not my point.

Instead, I’m sharing this with you because people think that “hot looking guys” have it made on the dating front when it truth, it can suck big time.

Look, I take care of myself. I’m not going to apologize for watching what I eat, working my abs out or frequenting my gym.

On the looks front – what can I tell you is this – it’s not my fault that I’ve been genetically gifted. That’s probably true for a lot of men when you think about it.

But for all of the good that comes from being attractive (particularly in gay circles) there can be a major downside.

I know you are probably laughing at this but it’s true. Let me share seven of these with you.

7 gay dating challenges

1. Nobody approaches you

Early on in my coming out process, I realized that people assumed that just because I was a good looking that I was also arrogant.

What sucks about this is that potential suitors are afraid to talk to you! They somehow got it in their head that I won’t converse because I’m stuck up.

The end result? Nobody approaches you.

2. Guys look at you just as a hookup

Another downside to being very good looking in gaydom is that guys objectify you. In other words, they are just looking at you for sex. What stinks about this is that you never get the chance to let others see you for who you really are.

For example, on my last date, all the guy did was ask me questions about my workout routine and what positions I liked. I kept thinking, “Is this a hookup or a date?”

He didn’t seem the slightest bit interested in my love of sports, my political views or even the types of things I look for in a guy.

Related: Does he want a date or a hookup?

3. You get pawed on at bars

Yeah, Yeah – who doesn’t like to be the focus of attention at the bars, right? But do you know what it’s like to have people pawing on you while you’re trying to have a good time with friends?

The crappy part about this one is that most of the time, the idiots who do it are totally drunk.

But when you tell them to stop, they get all offended and start calling you names!

“You aren’t that hot a$$-hole!” I’ve been told. Oh, and there’s, “You are such a little princess!”.

I’m just saying that it’s not all upside when you are a good looking dude. I guess that’s why I don’t go out that much anymore.

4. Gay men get jealous

I don’t want to paint with a wide brush here but a lot of gay men get extremely jealous around other guys who are good looking.

I’ve particularly noticed this with some bears and overweight types. You don’t think I’ve overheard people say stupid things like: “Oh, he’s too much trouble,” and “He probably sucks in bed.”

I don’t know why people in our community get so envious of one another but speaking for guys who are attractive, this non-sense needs to stop.

5. Some people think you are a hooker

“Tell me, are you a male escort?” That is a question I have gotten at least a dozen times from random men I have chatted with on Grindr or Scruff. The assumption is that because I am good looking, I must be for sale.

“I’m a generous$ guy who is interested.” That “$” sign is code for money in case you didn’t know. Whenever I see someone use it during a chat, I block them right away. Think about it, wouldn’t you?

Related: Why people block you on gay hookup apps

6. Gay men assume you are super hung

My pet peeve is when I am dating a guy and we get to the point of intimacy, he expects to find a monster in my pants. Sorry, but just because a man is handsome doesn’t mean he’s pack’n meat.

I’m average. I’m not super big but I’m not small. What’s wrong with having an average size d*ick anyway? It’s not a mortal sin. But some gays think that good looking = long and thick and it’s just not true.

7. Feeling like you have to apologize

The final part about being an attractive gay man is the feeling that I always need to apologize for my looks on dates.

Do you know what it is like to have the person sitting across from you say, “Why would you be interested in me – I don’t look like you?” Another one is, “I’m not sure we’re a good match because you are so much better looking.”

It’s like the date is killed in the cradle before it can take baby steps. I’ve had to catch myself more than once from saying I’m sorry as a result.

Summing It Up

I just thought I would let people know what it’s like on the other side of the gay dating spectrum.

It’s not all unicorns and rainbows. Stereotypes work both ways, regardless if you are handsome or abundantly overweight.

The next time you throw a pity party for yourself because you can’t find anyone, keep what I have shared with you here in mind.

Related: I’m a fat gay man and I’m skipping Pride

  • Oh poor baby. We need to get him some help. He is clearly traumatized by being so good looking.

    • Arthur

      he needs some help indeed. like to get over himself and realize people have it a lot worse off than he ever could imagine.

  • jeromecleary

    #TheStruggleIsReal

  • David Luna

    Your right everytime i see a good looking guy i want to talk to i get butterflies in my stomache i get nervous i cant even talk straight hope u have better luck in the future

  • damian

    What a funny thing to say. You should just embrace it and get over it. Never be sorry for what you are. If they cant even approch they are losers. I get annoyed when you have to lower yourself onto others because you dont want to offend or try to be nice. Dude be you, forget it.

  • chosen0ne

    Oh my gad I wouldn’t care if your not super hung. I’d still take you as mine hahah. Guess the problems are mirrored when your good looking. At least you can just wait for a fish to bite – in an ocean full of em.

    • Latard Odom (Emir of Africa)

      You need some BBC, but not mine…

      • chosen0ne

        hahaha you bet…

  • Latard Odom (Emir of Africa)

    Wahhhh, cry baby cry… scare your face up with a steak knife, run out in traffic… there are many ways to ugly down…

  • Kyle Johnson

    Thank you for this post. As I was reading this blog I felt like you were writing my story. I’ve tried to have this conversation many times before, especially when people find out I’m single. “How can you be single? You can get any guy you want.” Or when I’m dating someone my friends like to tell me my partner is not in my league. It’s kind of turned out to be a little lonely in the dating field. Thank you very much for putting into words the difficulties I’ve tried to explain to people many times before.

  • Tlrcorbin

    I feel your pain Steven, I just moved to the Seattle area and I’m experiencing many of the same things.

  • nkkptk

    If my eyes could roll any further back in my head …

  • Jesse

    Honestly, this article is vapid and offers no afflatus to our community. It’s a very unilateral way of thinking with little to no substance. Summing it up, the article is trivial and will sorta leave you vexatious.

    **Latard Odom be a savage on these comments tho 😂

    • Joan

      Speak for yourself. Some of us can relate and were inspired. You don’t speak for the community. For something that is trivial, it obviously caused you to respond.

      • Jesse

        Your inspiration is vacuously alarming.

      • Arthur

        inspired by what, feeling sorry for how sexy you are and how horrible it is to be you instead of people who suffer in the world. STFU

        • matt227

          An interesting parallel is the same depressing story is told by wealthy people. Maybe there is truth to it.

  • Chris Fox

    I love hot guys. Always have, always will. HMU

  • fegd

    All of those things happen to every gay guy who’s slightly above average in looks, so if that’s what you’re basing your self-assessment on, you’re probably not as hot as you think you are.

    • Daniel Sean

      this lol

  • Edward Yaeger

    Seven responses:

    1) Believe it or not, many people in their early to mid-20s are extremely good-looking. You’re not a special snowflake.

    2) Enjoy it while it lasts because it fades at an exponentially increasing half-life.

    3) If you lead with your looks, expect it to end there.

    4) Everyone has a type. For example, the objectively and classically handsome is NOT my type and never has been, even when I was 25 and good-looking.

    5) If you care enough to write an article about the trials and tribulations of being extremely handsome, then you likely already put too much stock in the way you look. Good luck with that in the future. You’ll forever be chasing the fountain of youth at the expense of your own happiness. This “tragedy” has already been done to death.

    6) You either overestimate the value of physical beauty and/or underestimate the value of being the “whole package.” Most sane people seek the latter.

    7) Congratulations on confirming and advancing the biggest stereotype we gay men have been battling for years.

    • Carebare

      You sound bitter Edward. Your claws are showing dear.

      • Edward Yaeger

        When someone writes something, there are two perspectives — that of the writer and that of the reader. Your reading into what I wrote as “bitter” says an awful lot about the place from which YOU are coming. Dear.

        • Arthur

          no we are reading exactly what the author wrote. One that sounds like he wants pity for being sexy. Edwards post is a total redeemable one. Be ugly for a day, hated on, spat on, called fat, blocked for no reason than being ugly, mocked, told to lose weight, etc etc. You sound pompous and arrogant and that is why you come off as not approachable, it has nothing to do with your looks. Why don’t you take your sexy self and volunteer for those who need help instead of whining about horrible it is to be sexy.

          • Joey D

            You must be real ugly. Sad you are so sick inside gurl.

  • William McMullin

    Thank you for posting. It’s worth reading. It just goes to show we all have issues. I wish you the best of luck in life.

    • Lean Muscle

      Thank you😊

  • Steve

    I am sure the struggle is real for you. I would love to have this super attractive man next to my side. Look at it from my point here. “He is out of my league”. This is a common statement and we tend to start believing it. Would I approach an extremely good looking man? Probably not, because now being 42, I want them to approach me. Then the other question pops up “Why is he speaking to me? What does he REALLY want?” These days men have to prove themselves to me through their actions, not just words. I don’t go to a gym, I have a “Dad Bod” as I have been described. I don’t even go to bars anymore or drink for that matter. I have found many good looking men, do in fact look for their clone in another which is dis-heartening because some of us who don’t go to a gym, lift, or are extremely good looking, could potentially be the right guy for him.

  • Kris Mangion

    Well shoot me a message anytime Steven… I’d love to get to know you 😊

  • Arthur

    be ugly for a day then you’ll realize how awefully arrogant and selfish this post is and wonder why we say those things to you and why you ARE not approachable, trust me it doesn’t have to do with your looks. STFU.

  • Joey D

    I can very much relate to what you said and at least you had the balls to write it. Trust me, it makes it worse when you’re good looking and have a big dixx.

  • Craig Lambson

    Haha wow you are arrogant!!! This just pisses me off! I guess cause you’re attractive it gives you the right to say how hard it is for you attractive men. Really it must be so hard to be gorgeous! There are those of us who try hard to look good too. We workout, eat right, and all that. Still we get no where. Sorry we were genetically blessed like you! why don’t you try walking in our shoes for a change, us so called ugly people as you put it. See how it feels to be us. Get over your stereotypes! You so called attractive gay men are at the top of the gay food chain! You have it all. How about this. You get over yourself and ask an ugly guy out! Tell him everything you told us on here and see what happens! Seriously you are arrogant and full of yourself like every hot attractive gay guy I have ever met. The world would be better off with the lot of you gone!!!

    • michael perry

      His point is that no one approached him and tend not to try. He didn’t say he didn’t approach them. Reading too much into the article.

      • Joey D

        Exactly. You can see people’s true colors in the comments. Just like he wrote, people get jeleous.

        • Craig Lambson

          Lol I’m not jealous Joey D. Just mad. Maybe I did read to much into the article but seriously what do you know? You’re probably attractive and have never been mistreated for the way you look.

          • Aaron Brown

            You are greener than a rainforest. Smh.

          • Craig Lambson

            Haha don’t make me laugh. But then again I shouldn’t be surprised with your response. You hot attractive guys are so full of yourself and BS. You think cause we say a few things which are probably true, me or others like me are jealous. Smh! Besides Mr. Hot stuff “Steven in Seattle” probably does get approached by guys, but he’s not paying attention. He’s to busy crying over the guys that pawd him at the club, like that’s so bad lol. As for me I have a hard time believing him because of the experience I’ve had with guys like him and possibly you. I assume you’re hot and attractive since you’re attacking me.

          • Francisco Solis

            That’s your problem. Just that last sentence totally ruined your whole argument. “I assume you’re hot and attractive since your attacking me “. Yes you had bad run in, but why do you keep attacking everyone on here who you perceive to be better looking than you. You say you do go out and say hi but from your posts it sounds like you have view yourself in a pretty bad ligh .

      • Craig Lambson

        You know I have a hard time believing that no one ever approached him. I bet he’s been approached and he was to busy to notice, or he was spending to much time looking at himself in the mirror at the gym. Maybe I did read to much into this article, but it’s only because he’s sitting there saying how hard it is to be an attractive guy. I’m sure I’m gonna be accused of being jealous, which I’m not. I’m more offended by his article. Now if he or any other so called attractive guy is really genuine about not being approached. Then maybe they should find the confidence to do the approaching. I know I’m not attractive, and I know I am ugly looking by gay standards. But I still try and approach an attractive guy to say something simple like hi, or just smile at them only to get a dirty look, and a cold shoulder in return. I’ve even had others say worse things to me that made me feel less then human. So I’m sorry if I offended you and made others think I’m jealous. I just found what he said to be about as true as the sky is red.

  • jtmeier23

    You compared attractiveness and weight more than 4 times in this collection of words without once mentioning intelligence or education of any kind. For that, you are hideous.

    • Lean Muscle

      You must be large?

      • Apptove

      • jtmeier23

        How wonderfully condescending of you. I will not entertain the idea that weight is a measure of what makes a person beautiful or whole, but if you feel so inclined, you can search my user name on other sites to check for yourself.

      • chasebarteaux

        You must be vain and superficial. Oh, look at your avi and screen name–I’m right.

    • Robert R.

      jtmeier: AMEN

  • Craig Fowler

    I absolutely agree with everything written above and you’re brave to write it. I especially agree with the approaching in the club part (i always get messages on Grindr when i go home (alone) later in the night saying “Oh i saw you – you’re hot, but i was too shy to approach” and the other one is the Grindr messages that say “Oh you’re so much better looking than me so you wouldn’t be interested.” I know this to be true. Unfortunately however I don’t think that the people reading your post are going to think to themselves “Oh wow, hot people have it hard too……poor them.” I consider myself a fine bottle of wine getting better with age and I know what it’s like being average looking (when i was younger). To be completely honest, although the attractive people have valid challenges as you’ve mentioned, the average looking people have it much worse…..they just have tougher skin.

    • chasebarteaux

      “Brave.” Yes. I’m sure the Nobel committee will be hunting him down to award him the peace prize.

  • Lucas Paavola

    I’m confused at the ‘nobody approaches you part’ and then reading ‘you get pawd on at bars’… Hmmm 🙄

    • Lean Muscle

      it’s not confusing to me at all. Been “pawed on” is much different than someone approaching you for a date.

      When an a hole grabs your butt or whatever, they are just looking at you as a piece of meat . Somebody actually coming up to you and introducing themselves for a date is different .

      A fifth grader could tell the difference . 🙄

      • Lucas Paavola

        Damn, defensive.
        You should consider re-wording #3 then, you never mention “grabbing your butt or ‘whatever'” once in the article.
        You mention guys coming up to you and trying to talk to you, but your too busy with your friends to be bothered.

        A fifth grader could comprehend that. They could also probably realize your just an average looking guy with an average penis.

    • Aaron Anderson

      It all makes sense to me, which means I’m sure some people are going to call me conceited…

      Being approached means that guys are coming up to you and delivering a spiel, or bad line. Whether it is to hit on you, or just sleep with you, or in those rare circumstances, to get to know you!

      Being the so-called “Pawed” refers to being groped, having your assistance grabbed or smacked, or just being touched period when you did not invite others to do so. Which I might say is so ridiculously RUDE!

      Thus gentleman,

      Think before you touch, even more so when you speak. Attractive people are people non-the-less. We aren’t all created the same, just created equally! Have some respect and self worth. Be a polite person.

      • Lucas Paavola

        The article never mentions people grabbing him. It mentions guys APPROACHING him, but he can’t be bothered because he’s too busy having a good time.

        The article is poorly written, and it appears to me that this guy has a big ego and really nothing else.

      • SmileForMe

        I’ve been pawed before, you just politely tell them to stop touching you. Its quite easy. Heck girls have to deal with this 24/7 regardless of whether they’re at the bar or not. Regardless of whether they’re attractive or not! This guy is just begging for more attention than he already has.

        • Aaron Anderson

          So what you’re “so politely” saying is that all he or any other person, female or male, needs to do is ask nicely and the person being inconsiderate will immediately stop being rude and apologize and go about their business? Wow I’m fucking shocked I didn’t realize that 17 years ago.

          • chasebarteaux

            We’ve all been “pawed” and “approached.” Y’all acting like you’re in some platinum member club because it happened to you. Surprise–that’s called “going out.” Please.

  • Lean Muscle

    Being “pawed on” and being approached are two different things. One suggests that people look at you as a piece of man meat and just touch you.

    The other relates to a person approaching you for the possibility of a date or something like that.

    A fifth grader could tell the difference .

    Hmmmm 🙄

  • SmileForMe

    Really lol.
    You just needed to find something to complain about.
    Its not difficult, you’re just trying to make it sound difficult.

  • John Lee Hughes Jr

    Beauty can be both a blessing and a curse.

  • Brieumo

    As someone that is very attractive and was even more attractive when I was 25…yes, I am being arrogant because being humble only works in person. I don’t totally agree with you on a lot of this. The main reason is because these things can and do apply to the average guy. And a lot of these things are very superficial in retrospect and you will learn that in time.

    1. I am approached frequently, not because I am attractive, but because my demeanor is open and welcoming. If you believe no one will talk to you then you will close yourself off, that is on you, maybe smile a bit. You also have to stop thinking you’re looks make you better than others, it’s like a repellent.

    2. Most gay men look at any gay man they are attracted to as a hook-up. So if you are the type that wants to date and not hook-up this will bother you. If you are looking for a hook-up as well then it shouldn’t bother you. I see this with my friends that want love and a boyfriend. It is hard for relationship oriented people. Maybe you are a relationship oriented guy, it has nothing to do with your physical appearance. The topics that come up during a date are pretty typical first date material, everything is surface deep, the real depth comes on the third or fourth date if it gets there. A lot of men just want sex, don’t think that is just with someone that is attractive, its just the nature of men.

    3. I totally get the being pawed at thing. It can be uncomfortable. Just smile and be polite how you ask them to stop, or just walk away. Or just give an ass hole glare. It doesn’t really matter if the guy says something spiteful. It’s them, not you.

    4. Gay men can be catty bitches. Attractive or not. Guys are very jealous, especially towards those perceived to be more attractive, physically or personality. Personality can also make someone very attractive and gay men get just as jealous about that. It sucks, but it ultimately doesn’t matter. Most of us can see through the bullshit and if they can’t it isn’t worth your time to let it bother you. That is a one size fits all lesson.

    5. Maybe you are a hooker. I don’t know, nor do I care. This one never seemed right to me. I try to take it as some sort of screwed up compliment…which some men think it is. You got me on this one.

    6. I have never encountered this one because I am attractive. Maybe you are tall and that is why guys assume you are hung. Or maybe you come off as very cocky, some guys associate that with having a big dick…I associate it with over compensating for having a small dick. Benefit of the doubt here, I bet you’re tall.

    7. Never feel like you have to apologize. If the guy says something to the affect of you being more attractive it is easy to say ‘don’t be ridiculous’. I have had guys far more attractive than I am say these things. It all boils down to flattery when you think about it.

    • antonio

      Your so right

    • L J

      You are really cute 😉 Wanna get to know each other ?

  • Ben Hartman

    Hi Steve! Great post on how hard it is to find commitment, honesty, loyalty, and wholesome genuine characteristics in a gay male. Most men aren’t looking for the typical date to marry situation, and I only wish that they were in that situation. I myself am sexy, have a fit athletic body, I eat right, love activities outdoor and indoor, I’m working on a fantastic career, and I haven’t found ONE committed guy, because majority of the time they lie to get to know me and convince me that they love me as a person, as I stand firm on my boundaries of taking things slow, they move so fast. I get dumped because they say that I’m too good for them, and then blame me and make it my fault, saying that I can’t trust and have trust issues when they tell me they’ve been flirting with other guys sexually. It’s so upsetting that I repeatedly run into this situation. They feel that I’m too good for them and then start chatting with other men when they committed to dating me exclusively. I’m ready to just give up. Nobody is out there wanting marriage and long term, no matter what they say, they don’t make themselves ready for it and they don’t work hard enough like I do in everything I do in my life. They dump me within two weeks, after they take it super fast and start saying I love you so that they don’t lose me and can hold onto me. Wth. We never even got past two weeks dude? Really👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 ???
    [email protected]

    • Bill Brithmore

      My hat to you sir. A real response that’s not the typical, caddy homo response.

    • Craig Lambson

      Guys break up with you after two weeks, seriously??? I mean you sounds like a pretty decent guy.

  • Rick Rivas

    Steven in Seattle, you are a bit of

    a douch for even thinking this would resonate. I’m pretty sure you’re not as attractive as you might think. Just a way of feeling important and compensating for your insecurities.

    • Bill Brithmore

      Why do you resort to name calling? Don’t you think that it takes away from your message? Not very mature and says a lot about you .

      • Viktor Jordan

        I agree Bill

        • Mark

          Me too.

      • marswarrior9

        i disagree with bill and anybody who does agree with bill is just insecure because they THINK they are goodlooking when its actually a perspective experience

  • Christopher Futrell

    Being humble makes you hot. This article just brought you to douche status. Not hot.

    • Robert R.

      amen. humility is sooooo under-appreciated in the gay male community.

      • Christopher Futrell

        Something tells me you’re one of those douches…Humble pie tastes so good.

  • Nick

    Hmm, not exactly sure what to think! I find some of these to be true but a huge majority doesn’t really apply!

  • JonF311

    Date as thinly veiled pretext for hook-up happens to everyone. Haven’t dated in years but I remember on the old gay dating websites the profiles that left “now” off the end of the “looking for Mr. Right”:

    • My dangerous reply to you to the following Bloomberg View article…

      ‘Protecting Gay Teens Trumps Religious Rights’

      …was spiked. So here ‘s my reply, posted here, prefaced by your reply to me:

      “OK, fine. Not every last person needs to procreate. Yet you can’t make an exception for gay people too?”

      My reply:

      Homosexuals-lesbians? They could always marry the opposite sex and have children, then socialize the children into the worlds of men and women. The purpose of marriage isn’t romantic love (lust), it’s for raising children. The misconception regarding [the purpose of] marriage, turning marriage into a carnal institution, is proof of the extent of Marxist brainwashing the West has endured the last 168 years.

  • Craig Lambson

    Well it feels like you attractive guys are the bigots and judgemental ones. I have been confident enough to smile and say hi to many of you attractive guys and you give the cold shoulders, and some of you can say the meanest things, when all we ugly nice guys say is hi.

    • Francisco Solis

      Your problem is your stereotyping. You keep responding the same thing to every single guy who says they are attractive. I think your problem is where you’re asking these guys out or whatever you do.

      • Craig Lambson

        Stereotyping huh??? So when I say how judgemental attractive guys really are I’m instantly accused of stereotyping haha. Well in my experience when it comes to you hot attractive men you guys do judge us, and harshly to. Now when they do judge us they’re not accused of stereotyping, or being a total jerk. They get praised and coddled for their beauty. Also I don’t go asking guys out anymore. I learned a few years ago you can’t ask an attractive guy out unless you’re equally or more attractive. Whether it’s at Starbucks or an lgbt event.

  • Viktor Jordan

    I’m sure a lot of people will think this article is shallow for their own insecure reasons. I totally understand where your coming from.

  • Asian in Munich

    I personally find this post BS. Being SUPER ATTRACTIVE and still having a hard time dating guys on the the hookup apps? C’mon give me a break! If you think your life as a SUPER ATTRACTIVE gay man is already hard enough, try to think put yourself in my shoes as an Asian. Then you’ll change your mind. I’m sure you’re just too picky!

    I’ve lived in Munich for a little over 3 years and have had a tough time looking for new friends here, let alone dating! I’m neither a potato queen nor am looking for random hookups. All I want is just a few good friends to hang out with. I’m known by my best friends as a friendly and cheerful person.

    However, the response I’ve gotten is either “No Asians” or “Not into Asians”, not only on Grindr, but also on Hornet, Jack’d and Planetromeo (this is well known to gay men in Europe). I texted those whose profiles clearly say they’re looking for “FRIENDS, CHAT or NETWORKING”, some of them even wrote on their profiles that they’re looking for “FRIENDS only NO SEX”. But they never give me a chance to get to know them.

    Moreover, I never limited myself to these hookups apps; I also went to some local (gay) bars and clubs to find a good company, but these people just treated me as if I’d never existed.

    I must admit that I’m not a super hot super model nor muscular (yet), but I’m not fat and ugly or skinny or sissy– as we, Asians, are generalized. I take good care of myself through regular workout, good diet and special grooming. I’m often mistaken that I’m still in my mid 20 or younger, although I’m already 35. I’m sure that my appearance is above average — even Germans.

    So, I’m sure that the nature of this post is to gain attention. Try to use a picture of some muscular Asian guy as your profile picture and text someone, then you’ll understand how I feel.

    • Hi there,

      First, let me thank you for sharing your own life experiences as an Asian. Second I think what you have mentioned is important and I would love to get an email from you about a blog post that perhaps you might write to share what it’s like being Asian and dating in the gay community.

      • Asian in Munich

        Hi John! Thanks for listening to my voice. I’m glad my opinion and my experience is heard.

        I will not disclose my email in public, but you may DM me.

        • No worries. Here is the link to the page on our pitching guidelines with contact info. 🙂
          http://www.gaypopbuzz.com/gay-celebrity-gossip-pitching-guidelines/

        • Aaron Brown

          Completely understand as well. “Not into blacks” and even told “not black enough”

        • Mark

          Personally…I think Asian men are very easy on the eyes. I’m sorry you are having a tough time meeting new people to be friends with. I will be happy to be friends with you. Your choice.

    • Craig Lambson

      I like what you had to say, I’m not Asian but half Native American and half White. However that’s not good enough for guys here where I live. Down here in New Mexico it’s “Not into natives or no natives please” I’m not really trying to compare, but just say I have ran into that same thing on Grindr. Personally I have no race preference. I have dated an Asian guy and we had lots of fun, but the summer came to an end and he actually went back to China. He was only here visiting family that lives here. Anyways best of luck.

  • Mark

    The writer ignores that other continua exist in this argument:

    Firstly, “good looks” are nothing more than a perception – just because you think you’re good looking, doesn’t mean everyone else does. Secondly, we all have a fear of rejection – some of us more than others.

    Perhaps nobody approaches you because you aren’t that good looking in their eyes. Or, perhaps they are too afraid to approach you because they fear being rejected.

    The questions you should really be exploring here are – what type of guys are you, as the percieved good looking guy, interested in? If a guy with perceived below average looks approached you, would you be able to look past that flaw without hesitation?

    This article is nothing more than a narcissistic rant, and completely lacking in introspection.

    • marswarrior9

      thank you so much mark.

  • Josh

    Even ignoring everything else wrong with this post (and oh lord is there plenty!), did anyone else notice how point Number 3 totally negates point Number 1???

    If it is a problem that nobody approaches you, how is it a problem that so many people approach you?

    Oh, also, can anyone say HUMBLE BRAGGING?

    • Craig Lambson

      Yes that’s exactly what I was thinking as well. I mean he says he doesn’t get approached, but wait going to the bars getting attention, and getting pawed on. Hmm???

      • Mark

        So, you equate being approached to being pawed as being the same and therefore Steve should be satisfied and not complain? C’mon. They are not even close to being the same and should never be seen as equal.

      • marswarrior9

        agree with craig. his posts contradict. he isn’t the brightest crayon in the box

  • Raymond

    This article is too stupid to be real, I don’t believe it for one second. It was just created to stir controversy & elicit responses. lol

    • Lean Muscle

      I wrote it so you might want to rethink that.

      • Craig Lambson

        So you’re really Steven in Seattle? I mean if you really are I just found your story so hard to believe, I’m sorry.

      • Raymond

        Yeah, right. I suppose people who are super-rich struggle too cause their wallets are so heavy. Gimme a break. lol

      • Mark

        Steve…Thank you for writing this article. I read it with great interest as I am an older gay man, decent looking, professional, and devoted to my family and friends. I found the article to be a reminder of how I too looked at beautiful men during the years that I went out socially or looking for a hook up. I was generally intimated by men who I was convinced would never want to talk to me because I wasn’t on their looks level. I saw myself being the type of person you were describing and as I read your comments a light went off in my head that I am worthy of being with anyone who is interested in getting to know me. Thank you again for your courage. It is inspirational.

      • This is exactly my experience too. One of the last dates I had, I explained to an invite into bed before appetizers had arrived, I was looking to increase my friend base (of which are few after many died) and he said to me, “I have enough friends” That killed it right there for me.

    • marswarrior9

      agreed raymond, how can anybody be moronic enough to post something like this? i think it was just to elicit responses

  • Mark Dodds

    Give the guy a break. He wrote how he feels and therefore that is his truth. Quit judging him and just accept it as a personal view point. Might not be yours but it is his …. besides, I think everyone can relate to some of these and all I can say is try to enjoy the attention because before you realize it, you are in the 40’s club and considered too old to live by many … it is what it is on this wonderful journey called life!

  • Timothy Fetzer

    I don’t know how true any of this is but I do know the gay dating world is a tough one! I often think is there something wrong with me? Am I not attractive enough? I get looks and stares but nobody approaches you or when you look back they look away but continue to stare at you when they think you’re not looking. Then you think, well maybe I’m not intelligent enough but then again how can you tell how intelligent someone is by just looking at them. Then you also think, why are you looking at me if I’m not your type? Do I look like a freak? I hate the hookup scene, it’s not my thing but have done it on occasion and feel not good about myself afterwards. Making gay friends is just as hard. Just because I talk to you doesn’t mean I think it’s going to the bedroom or have any expectations from you. Was married to another man for quite a few years and this dating scene is so confusing.

  • Tony Rubino

    its true, ive been dating a guy, finally and he just said to me last night…..why would you want to be with me, your gorgeous , pretty, and successful and so much better looking than me. I was in shock, I didnt know what to say. This has happened but usually at first meeting. Never this far along in. I have from time to time felt like just a piece of meat (ie getting pawed), felt like I needed to apologize, and at times felt invisible as no one will talk to me. Thank god for my friends. I dont consider myself some adonis or astoundingly goodlooking guy. But people seem to think my looks and personality together are a winning combination. It does get lonely, and no i dont need anyone to feel sorry for me. I think gay men are so pre programmed to not look below the surface or so afraid of getting hurt that they look at guys who are goodlooking and successful as a hit it and quit it before it dumps me guy. just my opinoion

    • marswarrior9

      the problem is that you aren’t good looking in my opinion. that guy thinks youre goodlooking, but he probably is just insecure.

  • Peter Trihas

    The Majority of Gay Men will not understand these 7 struggles, they are not part of the small percentage of attractive gay men (I am talking about what the general population deems attractive not what each individual thinks is attractive so don’t get your panties all wrapped up in a bunch).

    That being said,

    I have been told multiple times I look like an asshole because I am attractive,

    I have been told multiple times that I am too hot or attractive to be on a date with a guy

    Jealousy and insecurities from people are absolutely ridiculous.

    I always feel I have to apologize, and If I say something rude to someone I am now an asshole even if they deserve it.

    If I comment on a persons looks I am a dick, but if someone who is unattractive says something negative nobody bats an eyelash at them.. hypocrites.

    Just look at this post, people are hating on a guy that decided to write something on how he feels and the majority of you will not understand. Genetics are a blessing and a sin and something you cannot change, people need to get over it.

    PS: I have never seen any of my attractive friends be an asshole to someone who was not as “hot” or what not, I would love to see a video of this happenign, because I would walk right up to my friend and tell him he was a dick and apologize to you for him. Lets not get being creepy and not taking no for an answer as being nice and friendly.

    • I totally agree and there are those that no matter what you say, will refute or try to belittle this dynamic. I’ve gone through this my entire life as I was out at 19.

  • This is exactly my experience too. One of the last dates I had, I explained to an invite into bed before appetizers had arrived, I was looking to increase my friend base (of which are few after many died) and he said to me, “I have enough friends” That killed it right there for me.

    • marswarrior9

      you aren’t attractive though robert, you just think you are attractive.

  • marswarrior9

    the person who wrote this sounds like a narcissistic predator. like he dates insecure men because he can’t date a guy who is equally as good looking as himself. it makes sense . : )