Why The Escort You Hired Ignores You In Public

Why the guy you hired doesn’t say hi

The Dilemma

My question is fairly simple. I’ve hired a gay escort on several occasions – a person who I’ve really come to like. Two weeks ago, when I was in a café popular with the [LGBTQ] community, I ran into him.

After seeing him, I waved and said, “hello”. To my surprise, he ignored me and acted like I was some kind of ghost. There’s no way he didn’t see me because we definitely made eye contact.

The experience has left me feeling stunned and hurt. Is it normal for escorts to act rude like this to customers?

Couldn’t he have at least acknowledged my presence?

-Confused and hurt

The Solution

Hi, CH,

I am going to assume that you sent this note to “Ask Jack” because you truly are unaware of how things work when you hire an escort. My hope in responding is to create awareness around an issue that doesn’t get much attention.

Let’s get right to it.

Given that you were in a café frequented by gay people, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you live in an area with a large LGBTQ community. This is being mentioned only to help with context.

So, there you were – trying to get your coffee on. As you looked around, you saw the guy you have contracted with, sitting at a table and enjoying himself. Feeling excited, you tried to say hello – and got nothing back.

Does this sound about right?

If the answer is yes, I’m not suprised. Here’s the hard truth. Most escorts have rules about communication outside of official “sessions”. This is particularly true if they live in an area with a larger LGBT population because of the proverbial “six degrees of separation” (or in gaydom, 1 degree).

Now I am being careful here with all that I write because let’s be real – in many places, prostitution is still illegal.

That said, the reason these unspoken rules (sometimes called boundaries) exist is to protect everyone’s privacy. You may be thinking to yourself, “I don’t care if people know so why should he?”.

Well, all I can tell you is that in the world of escorting, discretion and trust are extremely important. Now think about this for a moment and imagine stepping into someone else’s shoes.

Let’s say that you are a 40-something year guy who happens to be in the closet. In order to experience a physical connection with another man, you call upon the services of an escort.

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Over the course of time, you realize you like this person and visit him for various needs. In many ways, it feels like he is your friend. As you continue to call upon his services, you share more about your personal life – to the point that he knows you in ways many others do not.

Then one day, while you are at a local eatery with a co-worker, you see this person at a nearby table. Being aware of your presence, he stops over to say hello.

After the brief interaction, you realize your co-worker is sitting next to you, curious about who this guy is. Out of thin air, you pull something random from your butt.

“Oh, he’s just a friend from college. I haven’t seen him in years,” you say.

No harm, no foul – right?

Perhaps. But what if it didn’t turn out that way? What if, for whatever reason, your coworker intuited something else was going on?

Conversely, what if your coworker was your spouse? Would your wife’s/husband’s s antenna go up if an attractive man suddenly showed up out of nowhere and made idle chat-chat?

I think you get my point. In the world of escorting, there is an unspoken code of confidentiality because there needs to be. Make sense?

Now, I have to say that most escorts usually tell their clients the protocol for outside contact. An example might be:

“If we see each other in public, don’t be upset if I don’t say hello. It has to be this way to protect your privacy and mine…”

Question: Did the person you contract with ever have this type of conversation with you? Think hard because if he did, you really shouldn’t be upset with him.

If, however, such a discussion never took place, you need to recognize his behavior likely wasn’t meant to disrespect you. Instead, it was probably motivated by all that I’ve shared above.

Keep in mind the following: When you hire for professional services, you are contracting with them for their time and skills. While the relationship can be “friendly”, it doesn’t mean they are your friend – or your boyfriend.

I recognize this may be hard to hear but it’s being mentioned because expecting anything else can lead to problems (like what may have happened here).

Does that make sense?

Finally, it’s important to keep in mind that many escorts provide services as a way of supplementing their income. Believe it or not, a lot of them hold other jobs. As such, they prefer to keep the side work they do (read between the lines) “private”.

CH, if you really are hurt by what happened, it might help to reach out to the person you are talking about and discuss. While I can’t be sure, I have a feeling he’s going to tell you what I’ve shared here.

Thanks for stopping by.

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About Jack

Jack is a wise but mysterious figure whose exact whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he's really, really good at gay dating. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a stick at, and he’s here to help other gay men step up their game.