Fat Gay Men Aren’t Welcomed At Pride

I’m proud to be gay. But let’s be honest, gay and fat aren’t celebrated.

By: Dale in New York

This will mark my first year not going to Pride in a decade. I swore to myself after last year that I would never go again. I’m 5’10, 40 years old and 205 pounds.

Does that make me fat? Yes. In fact, I technically qualify as being obese.

Last year when I went to our PrideFest in New York City, more than a few gay men relentlessly made fun of me as I tried to make my way through the street fair.

“Oh, look at that guy!” I heard one millennial say. And, “Jesus Christ, look at that fat f*ck!” said another, drunk off his ass.

Two guys standing in front of a booth literally pointed at me as I walked by, hooting and hollering at my expense.

“Oh my God! Is that a bear?” snickered one of them.

Related: Man fat shamed on gay cruise

I’ve been contemplating skipping Pride for several years because I felt either invisible among the throngs or the center of the wrong type of attention.

Let’s be honest, being gay and overweight don’t mix well. If you go to Pride and aren’t perfect, nobody is going to party with you. And if you are fat – like me – you are treated like a pariah.

Think about it for a minute. What’s the message all of us are being sent when we see extremely fit guys dancing on the floats? What about the shirtless, muscular wonders, replete with six-pack abs, walking around everywhere?

I’ll tell you the message being sent:

You need to look like this if you want to fit in.

Fat shaming people is nothing new. In fact, it’s become somewhat of a pastime in our culture.

But in the gay community, it feels like it has elevated to a sport. I hate to say that but it is true people.

Hey, I’m not suggesting everyone who is gay engages in these kinds of behaviors. There are cool and accepting gays. And not all homos expect that every person they come across will look like a buffed out model with 10 inches.

But in my opinion, the number of people in gaydom who judge other gays on the shape and size of their body far outweighs those who don’t.

I mean we are the group of people who came up with all of the clever body types, right?

Are you a wolf? How about an otter? Are you a cross between a jock and a bull?

Related: Gay body types lingo and slang

This is what I’m talking about!

I love being gay so please don’t think something different. However, we need to be honest here about how our community loves to worship at the altar of the almighty “hot bod”.

And we can’t seem to fetishize enough the muscular guys or hairy “lumber-daddies” that we see parading around the street fairs.

How many times have I heard people whisper: “That guy is so hot – woof!” as one of these mindless wonders walks by.

Be honest – at Gay Pride, these types of bodies are glorified. The younger, the better. You totally know it’s true!

Let’s not leave out the skinny guys (twinks). These types of builds are also celebrated, like they are some kind of lesser God – but Gods none the less.

Never mind so many of them are smoking up crystal meth like it’s going out of style!

“Our community loves to worship at the altar of the almighty hot bod”

At Pride, we prop these people up on the floats like they’re great things – with onlookers licking their chops like it’s effing dinner time.

But if you are fat like me (even just a little), nobody looks at you. In fact, people look away with disdain!

No, I’m done subjecting myself to another humiliating exercise in fat shaming. I’m not going to have people stare right through me or snicker as I walk by.

There’s no way I am the only gay man who feels this way. Several of my friends are skipping Pride too for the very same reasons I have discussed here. Some are a little overweight and some are a lot.

The point is they’re skipping because they don’t feel like they fit in.

I wish Pride were an event where all bodies types (and ages) could be celebrated, including “fat guys” like me.

Maybe we will grow as a community one day and accept the true diversity of people under our rainbow?

That would be a really amazing thing.

Main Photo Credit: Deposit Photos

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    • The “stop crying and exercise” response is exactly the point and irony of this article.

        • 5 foot 10 and 205 pounds so that makes it okay for people to be dipshits and yeast people like less.

          • Bruce, you make me ashamed to be gay…what’s going wrong in your life right now to be so judgemental and flippant? I work with lots of men who exercise but would still be considered overweight and would probably still be harassed by shameful people like you. Loneliness and self hate are much more harmful to ones health than a few extra pounds. More love and acceptance is needed in our community.

          • What because the guy told the truth? Fatties aren’t hated by people in our community but nobody want’s to get with them either. They should lose the weight and stop crying about how bad their life is. If you want to change it, do something about it.

          • Just retread what you wrote. Deep down, so you really feel so insecure about yourself that you’d write “fatties”…were you bullied as a child and you now want to feel good about yourself? Just trying to figure this out.

            Keep in mind, most overweight gay guys reject the gym because they are full of guys like you.

          • Is that your face sweetie? Because it’s truly easy to remember it by… let’s hope you never offend anyone who has something either sharp or boiling hot or acidic nearby. There’s no amount of reconstructive surgery that will get you back from something like drain cleaner or acid to the face.

            But hey, far be it from me to suggest someone ought to make throw something that would deface you. After all, who else would be there to pity you for it other than yourself?

    • and you’re a fucking moron who doesn’t know the difference between “you’re and your” Drop the dumbells and try taking an English class so you won’t look so goddamned stupid when you attempt to write a catty comment.

  1. This could have been a good piece with a little less venom. Just because someone looks different than you, doesn’t make them a methed out mindless wonder.

    You shouldn’t have been treated the way you were. Maybe those catty cum-burps were threatened by someone who appears to have more confidence than them. The good news is, they will be stuck with their inner ugliness long after their current looks fade.

    I hope you are still able to enjoy and participate in our community!

    • It used to be a community. Now it’s a style statement. No different than being punk or emo. It makes me sad.

  2. I am not going to say what you posted here isn’t true because I have seen how gay people shun other gays who are overweight. But I’m also going to say that it is your fault that you are so fat. Skipping Pride in favor of a cheeseburger at McDonald’s isn’t going to make things better for yourself. Have a little respect for yourself why don’t you and get to the gym. Maybe after you shed the pounds, you will feel better about yourself. Sorry this happened but you have brought it onto yourself.

    • You don’t know circumstances, you assume circumstances. People can become overweight for many different reasons, but shitty people like you always come back to the same arguments. There is no valid reason to treat any one person like you, but you do whatever makes you better.

        • Some people have a very simple understanding of the world. But you should educate yourself. Just the way you expect a fat person to get fit, you should at least strive to not be ignorant. It is so shocking that a community that is so hell bent on being treated equal, could be so discriminatory and hateful to its own people.

      • For instance, I’m on seizure meds that cause weight gain. The alternative is tonic-clonic seizures that can leave me badly injured or even dead if the timing is bad enough.

    • Oh its so easy for you to judge isnt it.Your exactly the type of asshole that causes these problems…..

  3. I’m a bear and most people would consider me fat. I can relate to pretty much everything you shared here. I was called a fatty two years ago at a Pride party by a jerk faced twink. He said it for no reason too. He just walked by and blurted it out. Thank God somebody finally exposed this crap for what it is – a giant fat shaming fest.

  4. I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m going to admit I’ve poked fun at people at Pride. I’ll remember this at the next event I go to.

    Are you working out now to loose the fat?

    • He doesn’t need to lose the fat; he needs to lose the attitude. He’s 40 years old. Time to grow up.

        • I’m older and heavier. I know what it’s like. And I know a pity party when I see one. Losing the weight would be healthier but it wouldn’t make him any happier because his issue isn’t the weight. He’s 5’10” and 205lbs. That’s what, a 35″ waist? Let’s get some perspective here. He’s pretty close to average for an American male at his age. He’s in the majority–even if that’s not healthy. When someone fat shames you, the healthy response is to realize they’re a-typical jerks and move on not go into a total meltdown on a blog and paint every thin or muscled gay person as both a jerk and mental deficient. The world isn’t fair; it’s how you respond to the unfairness that matters.

  5. WHAT? A bunch of drunk gay men made some catty remarks about another gay man? Ridiculous!

    These articles are getting progressively more stupid. No one’s saying
    that there aren’t particular body types that show up more often in gay
    media then others. But the thing is NO ONE’S BODY IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR
    EVERYONE. You’re too fat. You’re too thin. You’re not muscular enough.
    You’re too muscular You’re too hairy. You’re not hairy enough. It’s
    endless. And as long as we have eyeballs we’re gonna judge and categorize each other.

    So, what’s the answer? Grow up. Realize that if you want a space within
    a group you have to A) believe you have just as much right to be there
    as a anyone else and B) be willing to make the space for yourself. I’m
    an outlier. I don’t fit clearly into one pre-existing gay category. I
    identify as a leatherman, but feel perfectly wearing eye-shadow with my
    Doc Martens. I’m not a bear I’m not a twink. I have hair half-way down
    my back among a sea of buzzcuts and shaved heads. I dress the way I do
    because I like it and it make me comfortable and it makes me feel sexy.
    And if you’re not doing that, you’re doing it wrong.

  6. Wow. So the people you are envious of are “mindless” or meth smokers? If attractiveness comes from the inside, the negative judgement displayed by the author is telling me he needs to work on his internal attitude before worrying about his external shape.

    • He’s within his rights to tell it like it is dummy. How about some empathy for his ordeal. Typical idiot.

      • As another commenter wrote, “It’s easier to sympathize with the victim of fat shaming if they aren’t saying equally vicious things about others.”

        But thanks for your astute rebuttal to my comment. I’ll let your attitude speak for itself.

      • That’s not telling it like it is. Most skinny people don’t do drugs of that degree.

  7. I was totally on your side until you started skinny shaming. Not everyone who has a 28 inch waist is on meth. Some people are naturally skinny just like some people are naturally fat. But it’s kind of hard to take your point about body shaming in the gay community when you turn right around and do it yourself.

    • He has every right to go off. You have no idea what it’s like to be fat in this community. That’s right, stick up for skinny gays because they need it most. Stupid moron.

      • Who said he didn’t have the right to go off? He has the right to go off and I have the right to respond. And then you respond and…see how this works now?

        I do have an idea of what it’s like to be fat in this community. I’ve been close to the weight the author claims now. I’ve also been extremely underweight and I’ll tell you I was shunned a lot more for the latter. So I get it. I’m just saying his message would be a lot more impactful if he didn’t do the exact same thing he’s complaining about. But rather than reading what I actually wrote, just call me a moron and we’ll be on our way. My mother keeps telling me it’s a waste of time to argue with idiots on the Interwebs.

      • I’m pretty sure my partner (who is struggling with his weight) would disagree with you. And you act as if skinny people don’t get shamed or slandered—because of my body tyoe (BMI 19), he’s had people ask him if I’m underage (I turn 21 at the end of July).

  8. Dude, there is room for everyone in the gay community from twinks to bears and everything in between. Sounds like you need to accept yourself for who you are than worrying about everyone else. If you want to be 5-10 and 205 than be that. if you feel like you want to fit in with a different set than be that too, but stop acting like a victim. Skinny bitches are just that, skinny bitches, they are hangry.

      • How about no? Telling someone to STFU doesn’t refute their point. OP needs a crash course in self-love if comments like that are going to break him.

  9. Not even sure how to respond to this self-loading pile of pity. I’m older and heavier than you and I had guys chasing me all weekend at Pride. 50% of attraction is being comfortable with yourself.

    “…as one of these mindless wonders walks by.”

    It’s easier to sympathize with the victim of fat shaming if they aren’t saying equally vicious things about others.

    I don’t think your problem is on the outside. I think you’re toxic.

  10. There’s so many a-holes commenting here that it’s hard to know where to start. You have every right to be angry. I was at Pride yesterday and watched by best friend get called names by a bunch of drunk, skinny thinks. One if them didn’t even bother to hide the laughter. Not all skinny gay men are cracking it but a LOT are. That sucks you didn’t go but I don’t blame you. The gay community is totally about young, athletic types. Preach it brother!

  11. I really liked what you said Stephen but the guy does have a point. We shouldn’t act like this crap doesn’t happen. I can’t stand the stupid gym bunnies. They were everywhere at Pride where I am.

  12. If you don’t feel comfortable and confident in your skin, maybe you should do something about it. Going to the gym or run every day. Or stop eating crap. If you smoke, STOP IT. you can do many things. The easiest one is sitting at home and writing a winy article about your hurt feelings.

    I agree there are many assholes out there… but do you think they really read your article?? Dude…they only know to lift iron. They don’t care about this…I would be surprised if they are able to read lol

  13. No one has done more fat shaming than the author himself. That is his real problem. He needs to learn how to accept and love himself just the way he is.

  14. This guy needs a hug: a bear hug. He also needs a healthy dose of bear soup. That will fix even the worst case of body type related self-loathing.

    This guy probably (sub)consciously missed all the “woofs” he got, or even worse interpreted them negatively.

    I was on a pride float myself in a leather harness with a rainbow umbrella waving at the crowd. I was very happy!

  15. I call shenanigans: the idea that someone 5’10”, 205# would get the responses the author is claiming from anyone other than a random @$$#ole or two stretches the limits of believability.

  16. As a single gay man who doesn’t drink, I feel that Pride is not for me. However, I still think Pride is important. And as for that fat person who is ridiculed at Pride, remember that insults are the last resort people use to build up their low self-esteem. Just keep on stepping. And if you want to lose weight, do it strictly for health reasons and everything else will fall into place.

  17. I say to hell with what everyone thinks and just go have fun…pride is about just that PRIDE…to hell with convention and the mold you think you’re supposed to fit into…yes i’m a big guy, no i’m don’t have a six pack, and FUCK YEAH i enjoy PRIDE…I’m lucky enough to have my family there by my side as I enjoy the PRIDE parade, so i cherish it as often as I can…the only thing that might stop me from having fun is the SCORCHING HOT SUN…lol…other than that, I’m chililn and enjoying my PRIDE!

  18. This article could have been written by me, it echoes many of my thoughts. I have read some of the comments and there is so much advice here but I don’t see much of it as being helpful, more judgemental. There is always something I could do differently, when I have probably already tried them. There are so many labels and ‘isms’ we get tagged with and like most ‘isms’, they don’t exist until they happen to us. It doesn’t take long before we receive our ‘ism’. No matter if someone is fat, skinny, fem or any other cookie cutter gay, your star only shines briefly, someone cuter walks in the room and BOOM, you’re one of us. Don’t get me wrong, I do go out and sometimes I meet some really great people, but I learn, no matter how much I believe I would be a great boyfriend, to people who are looking, I don’t look like it. How many times have you told yourself or a friend, “Oh my gawd, you could do better”.

  19. So the only kind of person that fits in is some bleach-blonde who spends 5 hours a day at the gym and makes it his mission to be negative 10% body fat (it’s kind of like girls who aren’t satisfied unless they have a two-inch thigh gap)? If that’s the case, they really don’t have time for you. They’re too busy being a douchey cliche.

  20. The gay community could do with growing up a bit , I’ve been at the other extreme and that is equally as bad if not worse . I admit my preference is slim or toned , I think muscular can be a bit pretentious . But as we age it is harder to keep the fat off and having a little extra weight isn’t so bad , in fact some studies say it’s healthier to carry a little extra weight when older . However the point is people have their body type preferences , but they shouldn’t use this as an excuse to discriminate against others due to body shape or size . Tbh people should be far more concerned about lecherous older men , rather than the friendly bear / older guy who is mates with everyone and who is the life and soul of a party , aka Stephen Fry . But as well as this the author does need to learn to feel better about himself too , most of the time we are all too quick ( me included ) to judge by someone’s outer appearance / beauty , when true everlasting beauty comes from a personality , from within . Sure I’d love to be with a hot guy but that’s not going to equate to a good relationship on its own , that comes from friendship , mutual interests and compassion 🙂

  21. What a whiny pile of crap. First of all, you have no concept of what fat is. Second of all, did you expect a gold star or what? Snowflake. I don’t know what you think Pride is supposed to be, it isn’t there to feed your ego. If you are exceptional looking, you really have a duty to go to pride if you can. It’s there to show the world something. So climb out of your phlegm bag of self to pay forward some of what has been done to you. Catty queens are not an innovation. Suck it up, buttercup, and get out there. When I was your age: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4639fb5e7c02753f48304c95a9d9d784f0f965fb2888bbb1d27d0ea441018859.jpg

    • Is that you? What an UGLY picture. Please take it down and spare us all from turning to stone.

  22. Gay Pride, was and is a day to celebrate, and enjoy good times with friends, EVERYWHERE, not just at PAREDES. Back in the 70’s when I was in my late teens, seeing hot bodies INCLUDING mine, in Jock straps showing off the package made everyone run to bathhouses for hot sex, gangbangs, and Popper’s! But those days are gone, BECAUSE of AIDS, closed down bathhouses. They’re a few in L.A. or Miami thank goodness. But going out for old gay people, should be the same, as straight PEOPLE, you become home bodies, and Disco, dancing is left for the young as it’s been forever. Be PROUD at FRIENDS and Restaurants, not half naked in or around PAREDES, in mid 50’s. Just my opinion.

  23. in larger cities such as Atlanta/LA and even Palm Springs, I have witnessed this kind of activity. Smaller venues it is NOT an issue. Larger cities seem to be youth driven and when in our twenties didn’t we all act crappy towards larger and older gays. The good news is we all end up growing up. I learned along the way about being a real person and not the image of a mean gay as most of the 20’s and some of the 30’s show. I’m not saying this behavior is acceptable, I’m saying they will LEARN soon enough.

  24. You create this reality for yourself and are you are solely responsible for your own reality. No one else. The end.

  25. ““That guy is so hot – woof!” as one of these mindless wonders walks by.”

    I stopped reading here. You are trying to make a point about how a majority of gay men remove any concept of identity from individuals so that it is easier to categorize them as “hot or not”. Calling guys “mindless wonders” would be the equivalent of calling someone overweight a “fat bear”, for lack of better terms.

    You need to not resort to calling people names simply based off the fact their body shape/size enables them to “fit in” if the people you’re criticizing are doing the exact opposite – on you.

    • And you need to shut up. The man is venting his frustrations about being overweight in the gay community and feeling invisible or discriminated against. Calling someone a mindless wonder is not the same as calling someone a “fat f*ck”. Must be nice to think you are better than everyone else. Self-righteous, sanctimonious jerk!

      • Who are you to assume how words land? An insult is an insult. I workout. I’m not a mindless wonder, and if someone called me that and it hurt and frustrated me, are my feelings not valid? Perhaps being a “sanctimonious jerk” is spreading…

        • Typical queer. Your picture says everything. Shield that face because it’s ugly and dried up girl. Nobody wants it. No go preach your BS somewhere else. No old, fat, nasty, cunty trolls allowed.

    • I agree this guy rant seems mean spirited if you work out or are a skinny twink (all meth smokers apparently) you are a terrrible person. Yes I’ve seen floats at pride with the guys with 6 of abs, but I’ve also seen normal people walk and celebrate the fact they they are gay and proud to be out. This person seems angry that society as whole glorifies people that workout and widely considered attractive.

  26. 1. This issue/concern you discuss, is not indicative to the Gay community. Mean girls are everywhere, in every level of society. 2. Who gives a crap what people think, do or say. Be you, and be fabulous. You own your own lack of self-esteem, and are solely responsible for it, noone else. 3. Those who do as you are suggesting, are usally total, pathedic losers, gay or straight, and regardless of their physical appearance, are just ugly all the way round. 4. Who doesn’t point out a “hot” or attractive person? Don’t tell me that you don’t slobber over someone now and then. 4. There is a huge push back against gym bunnies, and the younger gay generations by we older men who survived the initial AIDS epidemic. We don’t put up with that crap, and we don’t put up with shallow, mindless little pricks that think they’re all that. We tell them right where they can shove it, to their faces. 5. YOU need to stop worrying about what other people think, say, or do, likely born out of their own self-loathing, and insecurities, and own who you are. Every inch of you. Stand up to the losers, and you’ll not only empower yourself, but shut them down in two seconds flat.

    I lived in NYC, and other metropolitan areas, as well as in one horse towns. I know plenty of men who are heavy, and experience a full, and rewarding time, and life, at Pride and elsewhere. You can too my man, but you have to embrace, and love yourself first. If you think your “fat,” then do something about it, instead of sitting at the pitty-poor me, excusing yourself table. Change it, or own it, but boo-hooing about it, does nothing more that turn people off, cause them to turn a blind eye, and close their little minds shut.

    Rememmber, – You are beautiful, and their behavior, makes them everything other than “hot” or beautiful my man. It nakes them, hideously ugly.

  27. I have been out since 1971 when I was 25 years old. I was also pretty fat. Everyone in my family was at. I was getting goood responses from enough men to feel ok, but I know that I wanted more. I looked in the mirror and decided that I needed to take a good look at my body and seek help making what changes I could. I spoke to my doctor who gave me three diets to try and he recommended I try working out at a gym. So I had the tools I needed to get myself to what I considered was an acceptable body.
    It took about a year of strict dieting (I used the Atkins diet) and working out three times a week no matter what. I finally reached my goals at the end of the year–6 ft 180 lbs.. I started getting the responses I was wanting. And I became far more comfortable with being a bit more aggressive in seeking out men who I was attracted to. In other words, it worked!
    Over time , working out became a good paart of my lifestyle and I set goals for myself that would harden my body and emphasize the parts of my body I wanted to make better.
    Unlike the guy who wrote this, I was clear that, if I wanted to be different I could do it for myself.
    It was clear that I could not change what other people might say or think. I could however take control and change my self and grow in my positive feelings about my self. Granted, in gay life, like the rest of any group of society, there are “ideals” about what is “hot” and what gets positive responses.
    What I am getting at is pretty simple. The rest of the world is not going to change so you are more comfortable and at ease. You are going to have to stop blaming them and take a good look at yourself. Being sorry for yourself, especially about things you can change, is self pity and admits you either don’t think you have any responsibility to take charge of your life and especially your body. The reason you get so angry at others who may make fun of you or be critical of you and your body is that they are reflecting what you are thinking about yourself. So get to work and change yourself. Yeah, it is up to you to do some really hard work here and make some long term conditions for yourself.
    It is my belief, based on my own experience, that anyone can make changes in their body. I have spoken to some people who have asked me what they could do. Too many times, they start, right at the beginning, to whine and set themselves up for failure. If that is where you are, so be it. You are creating the conditions that make others see you as different or unappealing. Many of the guys replying here in this column are in that group. They feel helpless. I say “get over it”. Science has shown that the number of people who just can’t achieve these goals is really miniscule in the broad numbers of society. If you are fighting getting older, I am 70 now and will hit 71 in a couple of months and I am still going to the gym and working out and my body shows it. Science shows that a person who consistently eats well and works out regulalry, And I mean really put some effort into lifting that weight and making your body stronger and keep at it. And it works.
    I can’t change my age and yes sometime I would like to be younger, but I have a realistic approach. Not going to happen.
    You have to change the direction of the dialogue. If people are saying negative things and you are having your ego bruised, make it change. The men you see with the youthful bodies and hot muscles are not in any way “mindless wonders”. You should respect that they have taken time to work out and to learn what they can do to improve their bodies every day. You clearly haven’t. If they are really committed to keeping a good healthy body, they can be sure that they can stay “hot” well into their 50’s and beyond.
    Mind you, there are and have always been some pretty mean and nasty men in the gay world, even 50 years ago.
    Remember that they do not own you. Let go of your helplessness and reach out to take some control for yourself.
    And I do not buy the ” be beauitiful on the inside”. Balderdash! HUmans are not so easily compartmentalized. Follow the Greek motto “A healthy mind in a healty body”. You can’t after all separate the mind from the body.

  28. I’m sorry that you have had such bad experiences. I must admit, that I too have had them at pride, but I soon realized that it was me that was preventing me from celebrating. Confidence is sexy! That is the truth! Those gym guys and those twins you refer to, they don’t have to try, they exude confidence because they know. Those gym guys are just as in need of acceptance as we larger guys, they work hard on those bodies to get it. But in order for you to be accepted you have to accept. We celebrate pride, we celebrate US! You have to be accepting of yourself. Be You, Be True! Once you do that you are on an equal footing. Frankly, the fact that you care what others, strangers, think is your kryptonite here. We are all supermen. I know that for every person you heard make a derogatory remark, it was countered by a great one you didn’t hear. We all go to pride to be free of the oppression/repression we face and feel each day. The guy wearing a thong and a hat doesn’t do that at his job or the neighborhood BBQ, but he can at pride. The flamboyant guy dancing like no one is watching, doesn’t get to do that as he handles his law form clients each day, and the guy in assless chaos walking around with belly out proud, doesn’t get to do that as he puts fires out and rescues kittens from trees each day in his job. The fact here is that no one is really judging, and those that do are just as insecure if not more than you appear to be. If you have PRIDE in yourself, that’s what matters. Until I stopped caring what others thought, I felt the same way. I don’t drink, I’m not skinny, I am far from gym guy, but I was there for me! Celebrating diversity, celebrating how I wanted. Now, don’t get me wrong there is some shaming from EVERY side of our multilayered community, but those people just haven’t gotten it yet. They will. Pride is for everyone. The white party, not so much lol, but it’s there to enjoy -your way. Stop worrying about what others, strangers, think. Unto thyself be true. No one else is gonna do it for you! You are as good as the gym guy, the twink, the otter, wolf, cub and all the layers in between! Only you are preventing your happiness and acceptance. As I said in the beginning-confidence is sexy. Ask anyone!

  29. Don’t worry. Those people are just basic stereotype gays. I don’t care about Pride because people have.forgotten the real reason it exists. To them its just about being cool or popular and being like everyone else.

  30. I mean there are many things wrong with the society and being superficial is one of them. Pride is to celebrate sexual identity. Age, Race, Fem, Masc really should all be accepted and unite together. With that being said, if someone spents a couple hours at the gym few days a week while you are on your couch snacking, don’t get mad when they get the attention. I’m not saying everyone should spend their off time at gym but being fat isn’t the same as being gay. When people don’t look at you, they are not fat shaming you. They are just not looking at you. If you don’t want to live a healthy life style then don’t blame those who does when you are not getting the attention you want while being self-conscious. I mean sure some people can’t lift or workout but even those who spend hours a day at the gym have to focus on one thing, diet.
    This whole thing about how fat people are not getting treated fairly is on a complete different scale as how gay, woman, or minorities are not being treated fairly. I mean as human beings we should treat all things and creature fairly but how fair is it if someone puts in the effort to build a body and then gets shamed for it? That’s pretty much what this post is about. It’s promoting a lazy and unheathy lifestyle while shaming those who work hard at the gym. Oh and FYI, it doesnt take 5 hours at the gym. Don’t be so ignorant. Go to the gym for once and you’ll see not many people stay there for over 2 hours. The only fat shaming that should not be allowed is if they r working on a change. Compliment them if they are at gym or running down the street. Because they have the common sense that people aren’t born fat.

  31. I understand everyone should not be shaming anyone, but don’t blame people for your own insecurities. Love yourself at any shape and size. If you want to do something, do it! Why blame people? Surround yourself with people who matter and be happy. People will always have an opinion. Ignore those who don’t matter and stop crying about it. No one ever gets anywhere with a pitty party. I think someone needs a Rutervention. Someone please give the author her direct line? #livelifewithnoexcuses

  32. 5-10, 205 is fat? Oh honey, you have bigger problems than what you wrote about here.

  33. First off, you’re not fat. Second – two things that I like to remind myself and I encourage you to do the same – “my time is the most valuable thing that I own”, and “other people’s opinion are none of my business”. That being said, your time is too valuable to worry about what others think – especially at an event to have fun – in one of the greatest cities. Nobody else can be you, so be you, be amazing, and fly your flag! Cheers! 🙂

  34. To the writer of this: thank you. I’m 6’2″ 200 lbs. I’m not “fat” at all, but I’m also not toned, muscly, perfect. but tonight I went to a party in Brooklyn to celebrate the beginning of pride. Push came to shove, at the end of the night, I was told that no one found me attractive because I don’t take care of myself.

    I just wanted to say, you’re not the only one who feels it, and it’s not because you’re a certain way or type. These people… they’re not. They’re not good for the soul. My heart is broken.

    I love you. Come enjoy pride with me.

  35. Pride is about celebrating who we are, not what we aren’t. I understand the writer’s frustration as our world in general has become increasingly narcissistic and vain but be comfortable in your own skin. More importantly, surround yourself with like minded people who know & love you, who embrace every flaw and encourage past every insecurity!
    Believe me, I’ve had those moments, I’m 52 and while I think I look damn good for my age there’s been more than a couple of times I’ve been called an “old a$$ queen” or told to “go back to my nursing home”, I easily let it slide right off. Thirty years ago I paved the way for those caddy comments as did someone for me twenty years before that. We can’t teach respect, except to ourselves.
    Happy Pride Month guys, enjoy it at any cost . . . because it is ours!

  36. “Mindless Wonders?”

    Ok now you’re just being a dick. I happen to know guys who look great and spend a lot of time in the gym or spend their weekends hiking or cycling or mountain climbing and they’re not “mindless” or “stupid.”

    Yeah sounds like s a few people were jerks to you and that’s not ok, but it’s also not ok to be dicks to people who you feel look better than you do.

    • Obviously the guy is venting. You might too if someone called you a “fat f***” Gotta say you are the typical homo – attack the guy who is telling his story about what it is like to be overweight and gay.

      And how do you know WHAT anyone does on the weekend to stay in shape. Sounds like you are living in a fantasy world.

  37. Sorry but this article is the most self-pitying lazy whiny missive I have read in quite a while. First of all, 5.10 and 205# is not fat. Secondly, your opinion of yourself is obviously more punitive than any of the perceived opinions of others around you. It sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do. Perhaps the first step you can take is to stop consuming alcohol and sugar and get yourself on a work out regimen.

    • I’m 5’10” & weigh 195 and have been called worse than that. Only when we divest ourselves of the “other” shaming can we come together as a community.

      • You really should drop the lard though. You only deserve the names that you attract . How long have you been obese?

        • That’s not obesity. His BMI is 28. If he had anything over 30, he would be obese.

          (For comparison, mine is 19.)

          • He’s not technically obese but he is right on the line. Saying he’s not extremely overweight isn’t being accurate because clearly he is.

  38. I stopped reading at :

    How many times have I heard people whisper: “That guy is so hot – woof!” as one of these mindless wonders walks by.

    As if the author is any morally better to assume conventionally attractive people are idiots than the people he feels are fat shaming him.

    Be proud of your body no matter what your size is, and people will find you attractive. And you don’t need to denigrate a person’s looks or intelligence because they are a body type you aren’t whether that’s skinny, fit, or fat to make yourself better.

    He should stop and consider whether people find him unattractive because he’s older and overweight (even though in the same article he admits the attraction many men have to daddy types), or because his attitude is bitter, catty, and judgmental.

    • Maybe people don’t find him attractive because he’s fat and ugly and he’s just being honest.

  39. I’ve never seen someone contradict themselves on such a grand scale. This article has to be one of the most vicious and judgmental rants I’ve heard while condemning our community for being vicious and judgmental.

    This is such a myopic view of gay culture that it reads as someone is actually isn’t a part of it, but observing it from afar. When I first came out of the closet, I thought the worst as well until I actually became active within the ENTIRE community. To think this scenario represents all or even a majority of the community is foolhardy. There are so many more communities that make us up that focus on this particular sector reveals an obsession, not truth in the matter.

  40. Maybe if you lost some weight and went on a diet you wouldn’t have this problem. You are morbidly obese!!!

    • How in the fuck is 205 pounds morbidly obese? Just because you think that doesn’t make it true. Now go down a few protein shakes and keep telling yourself how much of a better human being you are because you look a certain way

  41. So…he doesnt wanna be judged because he’s fat but accuses skinny guys of mething out and muscular men of being mindless wonders

    The paradox of some gay folks. Wanna be accepted then judges others. Just like no fats no fems

      • Oh who is being picky now? Of course you did the math. You rice patties are all the same. Starcub’s chart shows he’s 3 pounds away from obese.

        • Me? Picky? I’m sure you could’ve made a better joke. And calling me a rice cake doesn’t refute jack-shít.

  42. Everyone reading this needs to understand that the man who wrote this is just being honest about how fat he is. The people here coddling him and telling him that he’s not fat are not doing him any favors.

    Now let’s be honest. If you want any attention in the gay community, you need to look attractive. If you want to get laid, you are either hot or you pay for it. Wishful thinking and “My feelings are hurt” BS doesn’t cut the cake.

    Go look in the mirror and ask yourself when the last time another man looked your way. It’s been a LONG time because chances are if you are reading this, you are like the millions of other Americans that are FAAAAAAAAT.

    Gay men want young, slim and hung. It’s very simple. The sooner you get that through your thick skulls, the better off you will be.

    • My partnergets lots of guys looking his way, despite having a BMI of 32. That alone siggests that you’re not reflecting what gay men actually want.

      I do agree, though, that a lot of people are coddling OP instead of telling it like it is and telling him to either get some confidence or work on his body.

    • At least you have the balls to tell the truth! So tired of fat trolls trying to move in on the younger gay crowd. The guy got called fat at Pride because that’s exactly what he is. He’s at least being honest about it. All of these sanctimonious social justice warriors on here are the same ones who couldn’t get laid if their life depended on it. This is what gay men want. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/92daee65d4411cf0480e58137c519caf90f20ed39580b18d20a0950221f4a05b.jpg

  43. This was not as big an issue in the 70s or the ’80s. It began right around the time the AIDS ‘cocktail’ came out, and suddenly guys who took it became very buff because of the steroid in it. It was after that (I’d been in San Francisco for over 20 years by ’95) that suddenly it became ‘the thing.’ It had always been a way of dividing the ‘have’ and ‘have nots’ for some guys, mostly the “A” crowd and the wannabes.
    My observation is that people who would make that comment are likely clinically depressed on the inside, and can only feel good by making crude comments to others about their bodies. Guys who are really comfortable and TRULY like themselves don’t spend their time dissing other guys about their bodies. I had an “A” crowd body when I was 15 – courtesy of my having my dad’s genes (and his body). Since I’m Black, that changed the equation for me quite a bit: I didn’t look at someone as less worthy because I know what its like when people try to make you feel less than, in my case because of my color (never worked very well on me, but I’m observant about human behavior).
    I knew the A crowd of the 70s and 80s, and they were similar: they were hot and they thought everyone wanted to get with them. But really, they were such unhappy people, I couldn’t imagine wanting to be with them. So, from an inside view, find someone who has a big HEART, and as long as you like the packaging, other stuff can fall into place. But as the culture is now? WOW! WAY more narcissistic than the “hot crowd” of the 70s and 80s – and even the 90s.

  44. First of all I learned at young age that there is lid for every pot. There is someone out there supports and loves you. What other people think of you is none of your business. If they have a issue we with the way you look “Fuck Em” It toke me along time to come to this realization. What your BMI is doesn’t matter if you like the way you look. It is your body and your life until the haters are paying your bills and running your life then they
    Can tell you how to look BE HAPPY life is too damn short to be any other way. Remember Hater always going to hate. We have too many other things to fight against as community then to hate on each other. Happy Pride.

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