I Was Gay Fat Shamed By The Man Who Topped Me

gay fat shame top bottom

A random Grindr trick thought it was his place to tell me I needed to hit the gym more because apparently, I’m fat.

By: Anonymous from Denver

Like a lot of gay men, I worry about my weight. It’s not like our community doesn’t put a premium on personal appearance, right? And while I would never win a body building contest, I’ve always done my best to stay fit. But I won’t lie – I self-esteem issues.

So this last year, I’ve done a good job of not obsessing over by body, even though I have my moments. Now that I’m traveling more because of a promotion, I’ve been unable to exercise as much as I’d like. When you are constantly on the road, it’s difficult to eat clean and stick to a regular gym routine. As a result, I’ve gained a few extra pounds.

Just in case you are wondering, I’m 39, 5’11 and 170 lbs. Prior to the weight gain, I had been hovering around 160 lbs. for a good decade.

We’re talking a ten-pound difference, which really isn’t all that much when you think about it.

At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

In any event, I’ve tried not to stress about it. To compensate for the times that I can’t workout (which are frequent), I try to stay at hotels that offer some type of cardio equipment and steer clear of high fat meals whenever possible.

That’s worked fine and I’ve been good with it. But then the incident happened.

It was early on a Sunday night and I was staying at chain hotel in Los Angeles, feeling a bit horned but not wanting to work hard to do anything about it. And so I reached for my tablet and fired up Grindr.

It was about what you would expect for the area, a lot of guys who had flawless bodies, mixed in with some twinks, daddy chasers and wolves. That’s probably the way it is in most cities I guess but in LA, it just seems like there are a lot more of each variety.

So after 30 minutes or so, a guy named Todd* hit me up. And yes, he checked off all my boxes. He was masculine, in shape, my age and mostly top. I can’t say he looked like anyone in particular; maybe a very slight resemblance to Adam Rodriquez?

We decided that given his location and mine, it was easier for me to hop into an Uber and travel to his place. I didn’t mind because it would give me the chance to get out of my hotel room. Plus, he had the lube and I had the condoms. Simple, huh?

It took me a little while to clean myself up (and out) so that I would be well prepared for the hookup. I remember looking in the mirror, just before leaving and thinking: “Hey, you look sexy!”

Oh, the things we tell ourselves.


When I arrived at Todd’s place, he was eager to get started. I know a lot of people like to go right at it but for me, it’s important to engage in a little chit-chat, if even just to talk about something stupid like the weather.

Hey, there are a lot of creeps out there in case you haven’t noticed.

And so we did the proverbial ice-breaker stuff. In about 2 minutes, I learned that Todd was a production manager for a cable network and that he had moved to LA from New York several years ago. He lifted weights five times a week and liked to head to the beach with his friends on weekends.

As we were talking, I picked up on the faint whiff of alcohol from his breath and for a moment, I wondered if he was intoxicated.

And then it happened. He reached for my junk, I reached for his and we started making out. I can remember the scrape of his whisker burn along my cheek as we got into the moment. It was hot. Well, at least I thought it was.

We made our way to his bedroom, where we eventually stripped down to nothing. As we continued to kiss, there was a brief pause when he placed his hands around my sides. For a second, I became a little self-conscious of my love handles.

“Take off your clothes,” he said. “What are you waiting for?”

fat and gay in LA

It didn’t take long before Todd had me bent over his bed with my head buried in his comforter. The entire sex part lasted about five minutes and then, unremarkably he released. I came shortly afterward.

Needing to catch my breath, I turned over and laid flat on my back. I can still remember looking at his body as I smiled in his direction.

But his vibe had changed.

He excused himself for a moment and came back with a towel, dismissively tossing it towards my direction. “Umm … how old are your pictures?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. “They are a little different than what you sent me on Grindr.”

And I said: “IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?” And he said something back like: “Yeah, you should take some new pics. I think you need to update some of your your photos. Do you still workout?”

Do I still workout? Is that something you say to a naked guy sitting on your bed? I felt so humiliated and ashamed that words momentarily escaped me.

So my reply was simply to ask if I could use his bathroom to sponge off the lube from my body. As he pointed the way, he purposely avoided any eye contact with me.

“I think you need to update some of your your photos.”

I could feel the shame running up my spine, like rising warm bath water in a quickly filling tub. Whatever confidence I had built up in myself was pretty much shot.

After I left his bathroom, I found Todd standing in the living room, next to the front door with a drink in one hand.

“It’s not a big deal dude – just hit the gym and lose the extra fat,” he said as he turned the doorknob to let me out.

As I passed him by, I mouthed the words [email protected]&# OFF and gave him a super dirty look.

A second later, I heard the door slam behind me.

Once I got back to my hotel, I decided to remove Grindr and the other hookup apps on my phone. Who needs that kind of crap from people?

All I know is that some gay guys can be freaking assholes. Todd is one of them. Yes, he was probably boozed up when he said it but that’s still no excuse.

Down the road, maybe I’ll be ready to put myself out there again for random fun. It’s going to take a little while though.

*Name purposely changed.

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  • Lean Muscle

    If that’s your picture then all I can say is you deserved it.

    • Mx Joey Hood

      Oh please, bitch. Like you have anything to offer the world beyond your small penis.

      • Lean Muscle

        When you are going down on it you won’t complain about it Mr. Hoax

        • Mx Joey Hood

          Honey, society ensures you’re nothing more than a walking penis. That’s why you have to whip it out and wave it in people’s faces in the comment section. You are a child.

          • Lean Muscle

            You aren’t even a man, right? A wanna be with kankles.

          • Mx Joey Hood

            Bro. That was weak. You’re a walking dick. Step your dick game up, son.

          • John Spencer David R

            I am so sorry, love, that you have to put up with brainless creatures like this fellow. You are an inspiration to me. Keep smiling.

        • Mx Joey Hood

          And I’m an asexual transwoman. That’s all you have. A. Penis. Why would I want it again? In ten years, you will have a wrinkled penis and a declining body. Enjoy your imagined ‘reign’ while it lasts.

    • Bri

      What a pathetic low life excuse for a human being you are.

    • Baseria Chitown

      You are a giant fukwad!

  • Sadly everyone is looking for perfection.

  • Robert R.

    What a horrible disgusting excuse for a human that guy was. Hopefully karma will get him with a major STD or maybe get hit by a bus. You don’t deserve to have a jerk like that in your life. Move on to better things!

  • ThaddeusQuackenbush

    Do you look like the guy in the photo? Because he’s hot, with the beard and the belly.

  • John Spencer David R

    This had happened to me, I am a person of colour and with few extra pounds. Once I had a guy to come over to my place. He saw my pictures before we decided to meet. When to turned to my door step he said “Ew you look different, sorry I am not interested” and I wished him good night aND closed the door. I was living with my roommates and they were not at home anf i was alone. And, after a few minutes I heard someone knocking my door and it was the same person. He said “I can play with you but I won’t touch you or dI amy thing to you. You just service me”. I was very embarrassed and afraid. I was scared to death to what to say and I didn’t say anything for few minutes and stared at him. And he said “ah, actually, I am okay” and he left. He was the worst person I have ever met.

    • Baseria Chitown

      I had a guy do something similar and I felt like dirt. In my situation he just said I was not his type while he looked at my belly.

      Gay People are something else.

  • jamesprovendor

    the sad thing is that this guy was horny enough to fuck him, overlooking his body type, but then, after climaxing, felt repulsed (and shamed) enough to ignore a common sense of decency and respect, by attacking the guy.

    I would guess a lot of straight men pull a similar thing when they sleep with a woman they view as below them. Some men are bastards, and shame runs deep yo.