Gay husbands, just like anyone one else need TLC
Gay relationships can often be tricky. Many start off with a bang but end as a dud. After 25-years of being with my man (and finally able to get married) I can honestly say that it’s the little things that make all the difference.
Trust me, I’m not perfect and make lots of mistakes. But I also work extra hard to try and be the best husband I can.
My hope in sharing what follows is to help younger gay couples work past common barriers and arrive at a place of greater happiness.
I make sure there’s never a question that he’s the one I love the most
Here are 10 things I do regularly to keep my gay husband happy. FYI: These have worked for me – I can only speak to my experience.
1. I take care of simple chores
This morning, I put away the dishes that dried overnight. I swept the bathroom floor and scrubbed out the sink after shaving.
Attending to simple tasks like these help my man feel like we have a home together. It also helps him know that I respect his time.
2. I listen to his problems without trying to “fix” them
When he needs to talk, I listen. Sometimes I’ll ask questions and other times, just nod my head. But I make sure he knows that I am active in the listening process. In the past, I’ve tried to play “Mr. Fix It” and ended up complicating things.
I’ve also learned not turn the conversation into my sh*t when he’s trying to share something important to him.
In my experience, boyfriends (hubbies) just want to talk to and vent sometimes. That’s part of the reason they get hitched in the first place. That’s the unspoken deal – and a two way street.
3. I focus on his needs
Without being codependent, I always ask my husband what he thinks about a given situation. This means we talk about what to eat for dinner instead of me just arbitrarily choosing for him.
When we get ready to leave for work in the morning, I let him set the pace. You see patience is a virtue that’s only truly learned once you become involved in a long-term relationship. Just trust me on this! 🙂
4. I don’t take him for granted
One of the things that I make a real effort at doing is treating my hubby like a gift. This means I don’t take him for granted or assume “something better will come along”.
That type of thinking is one of the major reasons gay relationships end – at least in my experience.
When we argue, (it happens) I try to remember all of the reasons I love him instead of getting negative. Not always easy but it helps.
Finally on this point, I don’t piggishly drool over other guys in his face. That’s not to say I don’t notice someone hot when they walk by. I do. In fact, we both do! You’d be surprised how often we whisper “woof” in unison.
Hey, we’re not following some heteronormative blueprint.
But what I avoid doing is making my man feel “less than” by being an obnoxious a-hole.
See the difference?
5. I give him space
Sometimes, guys need “space”. This could be to work on a project or simply think about things. When I sense that my guy needs to detach and get lost in himself, I go with it.
This means that during these moments, I don’t force myself on him or suffocate him with needy questions like, “Do you still love me?”
Clingy isn’t attractive, you know?
6. I genuinely compliment him
When he gets a haircut, I make him aware that I noticed by saying something sweet. When we are hanging out with friends, I share with them all of the wonderful things he does.
Examples include how much I like his drawings and how amazed I am at how he keeps himself looking so great.
When we’re alone, I let him know that I see these things all the time. I notice his cute butt, his winning smile and his contagious laugh.
If it isn’t obvious to you by now, I still am deeply in love with my guy after all of these years!
7. I do what I say
If I tell my hubby that I’m going to pick up the groceries, I do it. I don’t procrastinate or make up excuses about why it wasn’t done. Maybe I’m old school – I don’t know – but in my time, a man’s word was his bond.
So I guess what I’m trying to say here is that if you promise to do something, follow through. Your man will really appreciate it, big time.
8. I listen, apologize and if necessary, change
I’ve been working out at our local gym now for years. Curling 40 LBS with a dumbbell is a breeze for me. Recently, my guy pointed out that when I say, “It’s just 25 LBS,” I may be unintentionally insulting people who are nearby.
He helped me to remember that at one time, 25 LBS was a big deal for me. His comments reminded me that all of us are at different stages in life, regardless of where we are on the journey.
I listened in earnest to what he said and didn’t get defensive or “pissed off”. Instead, I absorbed his words and recognized he was absolutely right.
Today, I don’t say “it’s just (fill in the blank)” about anything.
9. I ask for his opinion
When I am faced with a difficult decision, I seek out his advice. He’s an intelligent and thoughtful person. Why wouldn’t I get his input?
That doesn’t mean I always follow exactly his suggestions. It does mean I take what he thinks into account before arriving at a decision.
10. I support his dreams
Last year, on his birthday, I gave my husband a whiteboard canvas and some painting supplies. I did this because he really loves to paint and has expressed interest in one day showing his work to others.
Because I love him, I like demonstrating my support of his dreams in a tangible way. Paint brushes and water colors do that splendidly.
Like I said at the beginning, I can only speak to what has worked for me. There’s no cookie cutter approach. Your situation may be much different. I respect that.
Here’s what I know. The 10 things I’ve mentioned above to keep my gay husband happy are mirrored directly back to me. Not only does they make him happy, they make me happy.
And that old adage that suggests, “You can either be happy or right” … it turns out that’s kind of true. Haha.
Thanks for reading.
By: Brian Hollywood
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