9 Things Gay Men Wish They Knew Before Having Sex

Wish you had known these things?

It is an interesting time to live on this planet. Economies are falling apart one by one, the US president is building his wall of hate, diplomacy is now a full-time job, Ariana Grande just released “sweetener,” and one of the greatest divas of all times just recently passed. And, still, I chose to take a trip down the memory lane instead of focusing on the present.

My momma always said I was unconventional but, in a minute, we are going to touch on a serious subject, guys. Sex.

So, today, for our feature story, we decided to look at the past and explore a milestone in every person’s (gay or straight) life: The first time. No matter how old you are, where you come from, how good or how bad it was, it was an experience you will never forget.

But There Are Things You Wish You Knew Before Having Sex!

Let’s suppose you were among the ones whose first time was just amazing. Don’t you still wish you knew a couple of points before the first time you slept with your partner at the time? So, here are 9 things, I, personally, (and many other gay men out there, I suppose) wish we knew before having sex. If you haven’t had sex yet, this is going to prove quite handy. If you are older, get ready because some serious memories are coming your way.

1. Missionary and Doggy Style Are Not Always Better

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I personally believe that missionary, as the number one position for someone who has sex for the first time, is just a standard that the film industry has bequeathed to us. If you think of any movie that involves teens having sex for the first time, missionary sex will be the first image to pop up into your head.

At the same time, doggy style is one of the most popular sex positions as well. Rappers praise it, the adult film industry loves it, and, to be honest, it is quite basic and easy for both parties involved.

Related: About To Bottom For The First Time? 10 Anal Tips for Gay Men!

Yes, you can absolutely try and see how these positions make you feel but if you find out that they are just not good for you, do not be afraid to ask for something different. If you bottom, you might find them really painful (usually depending on the position your guy’s penis bends to). If you top, a position might make your penis softer.

Just experiment!

2. TBH, It Doesn’t Have To Be With Someone Special

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Let’s be realistic. Are you thinking about spending the rest of your life with the first person you are going to sleep with? I don’t think so. Sure, your first time is a big deal but, honestly, it is not that sacred.

Related: Do You Want Better Sex? Just Use a Pillow!

Many people tend to believe that you must lose your virginity to someone you love, someone who cares about you and you have spent a lot of time with to talk about your first time etc etc etc. Well, nope. There are many guys out there who will just push you away after you have sex no matter how long you’ve been together. In fact, whether he is your first or your twentieth guy, having sex with someone does not bond you for life. Love? Yes. Mutual respect? Yes. Sex? Sex is just a need you eventually fulfill.

Hey hey! I am not suggesting that you go out there and start having sex with everyone –unless you want to, which is totally cool. And if you want to wait for someone special, do it. You always know best.

3. Romance? Nope. First Times Are Always Awkward

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I know many guys who wanted their first time to be dreamy and sweet. Candlelit dinners, a fancy restaurant, romantic walks… All these before they end up naked in a room.

Well, things usually go pretty great until the moment they lie down. I don’t want to sound like a party-pooper, but all this romance that they were building for the whole evening is now useless. Because, most of the times, first times are extremely awkward.

Related: Which City Has Officially Legalized Public Sex? Click Here to Find Out!

But that’s the point. The first time you have sex does not have to be perfect. And if you ask any older gay guy out there, they are all going to say the exact same thing. They did not have a first-time-candlelight with soft, sexy music playing in the background. They (we), most likely had funny, off-rhythm, experimentation which we named sex because there was some penetration involved.

And that was all.

Of course, there are many gay guys out there who have experienced this first-time-movie-montage sex, but I just do not happen to know any of them. And I know a lot of people.

4. There Are Going To Be Weird Smells

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If you are still a virgin, you need to mark my words right now: SEX SMELLS.

It doesn’t smell bad nor good. It just has a specific scent; an odor. The smell usually comes from heavy breathing and body fluids like sweat and semen. At the same time, there are other “…aromas” I do not really want to talk about that come from a bunch of areas. The anus, the groin, the armpits, the joints, the skin, the mouth…

At first, you are going to wonder where each smell comes from. Don’t. Try to have fun and, as time will go by, you will keep getting better at telling these essences apart.

5. If You Top, You Might Come Too Soon

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And it’s completely fine. Really. I am not trying to sugar the pill, here. It happens. And if it doesn’t/didn’t happen during your first time, at some point, it will. However, this is another story you can read more about in the article below.

Related: 5 Ways For You and Your Partner to Deal with Premature Ejaculation Together

So, about your first time. Usually, the reason why this happens is that you are over-excited. It is your first time in an anus and you’ve been waiting for so long to have sex. Now that it is actually happening, you just can’t control yourself.

Do not try to. Moreover, do not try to think about random stuff in an attempt to last longer. You will definitely ruin the moment.

6. If You Bottom, It Might Not Hurt That Much

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Pressure? A lot. A little pain? Sure! Extreme pain? Not necessarily! Yes, you’ve read it, right.

Depending on your partner’s experience, his penis’s size, your anatomy, and many more factors, you might not experience this unbearable pain many guys who bottom for the first time describe. In fact, it might be a pleasant pain.

However, if it’s not, stop. Don’t be afraid that by pausing for a moment you will make your partner feel uncomfortable. Usually, pain is a signal from your body that it needs more lubrication, foreplay, or even time. Oh, and now that we’ve mentioned lubrication, use a lot.


7. No Matter Your Role, You Might Get Soft

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Again. IT IS FINE!

The most common anti-boner cause is, of course, anxiety. Other, more …physical causes like pressure on the nerves, can play an important role but anxiety holds the very first place.

Related: 5 Great Gay Positions For Quiet Sex

Try to feel comfortable first, and keep in mind that there is no such thing as “too much foreplay” (foreplay is also a great way for both of you to release stress and feel comfortable with each other). If you need some time to focus, ask for it. Believe me, boners do not always cooperate. Everybody knows that.

8. It’s Not Going To Be Like an Adult Film

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Remember when we talked about how unromantic your first sexual experience might be? Well, most likely, it is not going to be that steamy either. All these acrobatic positions, the satisfaction in unusual ways a guy enters another guy, the violence… All these things take time to master and some experience to figure out whether they are for you.

Related: The HUMP! Film Festival Is Now Accepting Short Adult Film Submissions!

You are a beginner. Do it like one!

9.  It Gets Better

Oh, trust me. It does. Before you know it, you will go from this:

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To this:

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