Do you have a history of meeting new guys and things not working out? Do you recognize a pattern whereby men seem to quickly slip away? Are you curious if you’ve been doing anything that may be acting as a repellent?
If the answer is yes to these questions, this article is for you. Before continuing, please know that I’m not suggesting you change your behavior just for a man. Obviously, you shouldn’t.
But there are certain behaviors in the context of dating that some gay men engage in that they wouldn’t do otherwise. These irritating habits aren’t who you really are but for whatever reason, show themselves none the less.
You know what I’m talking about, right? Behaviors that you may engage in and later kick yourself for.
Sometimes, it can be like watching yourself in a movie – seeing yourself doing things almost as if it were someone else.
The reality is it’s not a movie – it’s you.
Wouldn’t you like to put the kybosh on this? Well, the first step in creating positive change is to identify the behaviors. Here’s seven biggies to think about.
1. Deflecting compliments
If the guy you are with says you are handsome, stop responding by telling him “I need to lose weight” and “I’m not what I used to be”.
Allow the possibility that he likes you for who you are, including your self-perceived flaws. If the guy didn’t like you, why would he compliment you in the first place?
Accept his compliment – and embrace it.
2. Testing him through jealousy
Ever been to a social gathering and purposely flirted with other guys to see your man’s reaction? You can take it to the bank – he sees exactly what’s going on.
But if your goal is to spark jealousy with the hope of making him want you more, think again. You are quickly driving him away. Most guys see right through manipulative behavior – and loathe it.
3. Expecting to be the center of his world
Long before he met you, the guy you are dating had certain interests. For example, he may be a life-long baseball fan and loves watching the Cubs and Indians go at it.
Trying to continually guilt him into skipping those interests him to spend time with you can wear thin, fast.
Remember, part of what drew you to him were his hobbies. Why would you try to take that away?
4. Using Facebook to over-promote your relationship
There’s nothing wrong with two people sharing their relationship with others online. But if you are constantly snapping pics with your boyfriend and then tagging him (and friends) on social media to paint a picture of bliss, it can get old real fast.
When you do this, you run this risk of coming off as controlling and overly possessive. Moreover, it just comes off as creepy when someone forces narratives in this way.
Remember, the healthiest gay relationships are the ones you rarely see on social media.
5. Never offering to pay
This one is an obvious turn-off but needs to be mentioned none the less. Yes, if a guy says he wants to take you out to dinner, the onus (customarily) is on him to pay.
But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make the obligatory effort to reach for your wallet.
Even if the guy earns way more than you, make the effort to show some skin in the game. Even picking up the tab for beverages at a café is something.
6. Finding flaws in others
Do you regularly bring up people during a conversation in a negative light? Spread gossip about them in ways that highlight their flaws?
Guess what – that’s a surefire way of scaring a potential mate away. You may be wondering why?
It’s simple. If you are talking smack about others and constantly pointing out their flaws, that guy you are with will wonder what you say about him.
7. Passive aggressive games
Ever been upset with your guy and kept it inside, thinking, “He should know!” When he asks you what’s wrong, do you respond by saying, “Oh, nothing – I’m just fine.”
Do you do this even when it is obvious you are pissed?
Well, that’s called passive-aggressive game playing and guys hate it!
Rather than engaging in this kind of nonsense, just be direct about what’s going on. He’ll appreciate you for it and admire your strength.
To do otherwise is like spraying Raid on your relationship. Eventually, it kills it.