Why do some gay men snub each other in public after hooking up?
Have you ever hooked up with a guy and had a good time, only to be completely ignored when you pass on the street? How about the dude you tricked with from Grindr – you know – the “quickie” – who acts like you’re a nobody in public?
Sorry for the rant but I just need to get something off my chest. Here it goes.
I’m really sick and tired of gay men who I’ve had sex with acting like total ass-hats when we meet outside of the bedroom. I don’t know if there’s a cultural thing going on or if people feel awkward but it’s totally f—ked up!
To give you an idea, here’s a recent example.
A few months ago, I tricked with a guy named Aaron from Grindr. Sexually, we seemed to click on a number of levels.
How do I know we clicked?
Well, he invited me over to his place several times after our initial encounter. Something must have been working, right? I mean, you don’t go back for seconds and thirds unless its tasty, right?
“Oh man – I’d like to make this a regular thing if you’re down with it?” I remember him asking. I was open to it. At the time, I was off for the month and had lots of free time.
But I also knew that once I returned to work, it would be hard for our summer fun to regularize.
We tried to make it happen again. The scheduling just didn’t allow it.
“Sorry man, I’m on my way to work – raincheck?” I would sometimes say to him after he’d hit me up.” And to keep it real, he’d sometimes message something similar to me when I reached out. “Early morning, so I can’t tonight – let’s try this weekend.”
Sometimes, hookups turn out that way. No hard feelings.
Even though future meetings were difficult, Aaron and I always said “hi” to each other on the apps with “woofs” and “winks”. Just friendly acknowledgements.
And so I guess that’s why I got pissed last weekend when ran into each other and he acted like I didn’t exist.
Here’s how it went down:
The both of us were at the same club, waiting in line for drinks at the bar. He was with his friends and I was with mine. Not so bad, right?
Trying to be a gentleman (he was standing right behind me) I said “hello” and made sure to smile. There was nothing behind my greeting. No hidden agenda. Just a simple “hello”.
After all, isn’t that what polite people do?
Apparently, he thought otherwise because he snubbed me – big time. You know, the type of snub where the person looks right into your eyes with a knowing glare and then turns their head away with a quickness.
That’s what the prick did to me. To be completely honest with you, it angered me. It also hurt.
Look, I get it. We’re not boyfriends. Hell, we’re not even “friends”. But if you suck my stick (read between the lines), especially more than once, I think that establishes a minimum awareness of one another. And if we have anal, we’ve certainly gone beyond “strangers”.
Would it have killed him to simply nod his head back or offer a “hi”, even if he felt a little awkward?
But here is the deal. Aaron is just one example of many guys I’ve hooked up with who later develop a case of amnesia. It’s happened so many times I can’t even count.
The only legitimate reason I can think of for pretending you don’t know somebody after tricking with them is when you’re cheating on your man. Not that it’s an excuse but it does make sense. But even in those cases, the guy usually tells you he needs to be discreet.
And for the record, I don’t hook up with partnered guys unless it’s clear they have an open arrangement. But I digress.
What’s really BS are the ones who snub you in public but can’t wait to hookup again when they spot you on the apps.
That’s what Aaron did days later after we bumped into each other at the bar.
“Oh hey – do you want to get together?” is what his message read on Scruff. I thought about telling him off but instead, decided to just block him.
Seriously, to guys who snub your tricks in public, go f-yourself. There’s no reason to be uncivil like that. You can say hello. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.
We had sex dude – don’t act like we’ve never met.
By: Rico Woods