I had a string of BAD luck – until I found the Tiki!
I’m about to tell you a story that will be hard for you to believe. In fact, you probably won’t. Frankly, I’d be skeptical too. But I’m going to share it with you anyway because I just need to.
As you read what follows, the only thing I ask is that you keep an open mind.
OK, here it goes.
Not long ago, I traveled to Hawaii with a friend. We went the semi-cheap route, booking a package that included air, hotel and some cheesy tours.
Now mind you this was my first trip to Hawaii. The only thing I knew about this state is what others told me. Oh, and things I’d seen on T.V. and in movies.
But this story isn’t really about the sights and sounds of the island. That’s a different article that I’ll write later on.
Instead, this post is about amazingly, CRAZY HOT guys with giant bananas seemed to magically flock to me, all because of my good luck charm.
Specifically, it was a tiny Hawaiian Tiki God.
Want the scoop?
OK, I’ll share it but before we go there, I need to tell you about the BAD luck I had after landing in Honolulu.
To begin with, the airline I flew on lost my baggage. Yep, everything I had was pretty much missing. It took an entire day before they finally found it and another day on top of that to have it delivered.
Do you know how much it sucks not having access to your clothes, grooming supplies and hookup gear (like lube!) while on vacay?
And if you think that’s bad, imagine losing your wallet three days into the trip?
Yep, that happened to me, too. It was my fault. I had been drinking at a gay bar called Hula’s somehow dropped it. Maybe too much to drink? Probably. In any event, it was gone.
Now on top of the f-up bagged situation and lost wallet, I was also was having zero luck meeting men on the hookup apps. We’re talking zippo! It was like pumping a dry well that didn’t even have dust bunnies in it.
But not my friend. He was so busy shagging guys that I hardly saw him. I was so jealous!
And I was also completely over it.
So after this string of bad luck, I was ready to come home. In fact, I had started looking on the web to see if I could change my reservations.
The only reason that didn’t happen was because I had no identification. Remember, my wallet got lost. I won’t get into all of it but suffice it to say there is a f*ck-ton of drama you have to go through in order to get a temporary ID so you can fly back home.
So on the afternoon of our fifth day, I was making my way down Kalakaua Avenue in central Waikiki towards the Police station. Someone had suggested I go there to fill out a police report “just in case” someone turned in my wallet.
Here’s a picture of where I was so you can see for yourself.
I’m showing you this because that is where I stumbled upon this small Hawaiian Tiki God. Seriously, it was just lying face up on the sidewalk. Here’s a photo of her.
Since my luck was already sucking hard, I decided to pick the little statue up and put her in my pocket.
Why not, right?
Well no less than 10-minutes later, just before I was about to walk into the police station, my iPhone started ringing. It was my friend.
“Dude, someone found your wallet. It’s downstairs at the front lobby with the concierge. You must have had something from the hotel in it?”
In fact, I did. It was the card key for our room. The hotel logo was on it so whoever found it must have figured that’s where I was staying.
Why it took several days to get it returned is anyone’s guess. I was just happy to get it back!
Feeling relieved, I did a 180 and started heading back to my hotel. But on the way, I got kind of sidetracked.
Yep, a SUPER HOT muscled up surfer boy cruised me on the street. He was completely obvious about it. And trust me, I had no problems cruising him right back!
All that’s important to know is that we ended up making a quick visit to his place where he bottomed for me like a rock star. No real way to describe him except to say he had the body of Cam Gigandet and the face and giant d*ick of Ryan Kelley.
After cleaning up and leaving, I got back to my hotel and discovered my wallet resting safely with the concierge, just as my friend said it would be.
FYI: Nothing was disturbed from it – not one credit card taken or dollar missing. It was all there.
Later that evening, I went to change clothes. That’s when my hand touched the Tiki in my pocket. I had forgotten all about her.
“Hey man, where did you get that?” my friend asked upon seeing it. “Isn’t that supposed to be bad luck? Get it out of here!”
Apparently, he had watched that silly Brady Bunch episode where Bobby finds a cursed Tiki that visits terror upon him and his brothers. You’ve seen that one, right? Wasn’t it stupid?
While we talked about it, my phone suddenly started blowing up from Scruff. It was a really CUTE Hawaiian daddy that lived nearby.
So you guessed it – I went over to his place and drilled him. I love hooking up with older men. Particularly this one! The guy was in his early 50’s but looked way younger. And he was so smooth to touch!
Anyway, when we were done, this daddy started telling me about places to visit and a bunch of island lore. He’s a native of Hawaii and a Kanaka Maoli.
Since he seemed to know his shit, I decided to show him the Tiki I found and ask him about it.
“That’s Laka dude. She’s the goddess of love and beauty. That’s an ancient thing you are holding. Where did you get it?”
I told him flat out that I found her on the street. In turn, he told me that as long as I have her in my possession, she will channel good luck.
“She will attract beautiful men to you. Many people underestimate Laka’s powers. But they are real.”
Then he added, “Before you leave, make sure you put Laka back where you found her in exactly the same way. Otherwise, she will bring you bad luck.”
I know all of this sounds really unbelievable but I’m just telling you like it is.
You really can’t make this shit up.
So for the rest of my trip, I was met AMAZINGLY hot guys left and right. I’m talking smoking hot men with delicious, tasty, massive wangs!
I don’t know how else to explain it any of it. But I am confident it was the Tiki that did it.
She was like a magnet that never turned off. Ridiculously handsome men flocked to my bed like a moth to flame. Guys that normally would never look my way. It had to be Laka working her magic. What else could it be?
Listen – I NEVER hookup more than once a day but for the remaining time left on that trip, the action was constant. In fact, I ended up doing a group towards the end and topped three different surfers!
The back of my jaw hurt for DAYS because of them.
I’ll close it out like this. On the morning we were set to leave, I brought the little Hawaiian Tiki back to the exact location I had found her.
I didn’t want to tempt fate, you know? Come on, would you?
So that’s it guys. A real life story about finding a good luck charm.
If you ever go to Hawaii and stumble onto something like this, pick it up fast! There’s a reason it happened. Just go with it and don’t question the universe.
I’ve learned to accept that sometimes things occur in life that are beyond our realm of understanding.
Now if I could only find a Tiki on the streets of DC!
By: Rico Woods