How to Spoon for Gay Men: Ultimate Cuddling Guide with Pictures!

gay spooning how to guide for gay men

The Art of Gay Spooning

Spoons fit together almost perfectly – particularly if they are gay spoons. This intimate cuddling activity is allows you and that special someone in your life to snuggle in a way that exudes romance while also speaking to something very primal – safety and trust.

What is Spooning?

Spooning is basically the art of cuddling. It is the ultimate way a couple can show intimacy towards one another outside of sex. What many people do not know is that spooning also fosters greater intimacy and can be a variation of sensate focus, an approach used in couples intimacy therapy to create closeness.

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This brief guide for gay spooning has been especially designed for guys who want to love on one another in a way that is fun and comforting while also taking into account the male physique. You don’t have to be partnered to spoon and can in fact be a single gay man if you are looking for an alternative to a hookup.

Spooning should be an activity both parties want to engage in and won’t work well if you are dealing with a narcissistic gay.

Spooning also might not work well for certain personality types who are unable to engage in intimacy (see our gay men to avoid post).

Some of what follows may seem intuitive while other parts may give you pause to reflect. Read them all so that you are better able to understand how spooning works in tandem.

Are you ready? Let’s jump right in!

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Big Spoon + Little Spoon

Part 1: Mastering Spooning Techniques

1. Figure your spooning sizes. For most gay men, the size of our bodies tends to be different than the person we are cuddling with. Here are some considerations:

  • The small spoon: This would usually be the smaller guy.
  • The big soon: This commonly is the bigger guy. Not always but typically.
  • A simple test to see who is best as “big spoon” vs. “small spoon” is to see which person is typically hugging on the other guy while laying down. The hugger is the big spoon.
traditional gay spoon cuddling
Traditional Gay Spoon

2. Try the Traditional Spoon. For this position, the big spoon guy lies on his side and the little spoon guy puts his back to the stomach of the big spoon. In many cases, the two of you will take on a cuddly fetal position. For experienced gay-spooners, it is well accepted that the big spoon should wrap his arm around the midsection of the little spoon.

Here are some other considerations:

  • Allow enough room for the little spoon to wiggle and maneuver.
  • It’s OK for the big spoon to rest his arm on the smaller spoon’s leg instead of the waist area.
  • Allow the smaller spoon to position his feet in a way that is perpendicular to the big spoon’s legs.
gay ball spoon
Gay Ball Spoon

3. Try the Ball and Spoon. In this position, the big spoon lies on his or her side, and the little spoon should then curl into a fetal position facing the stomach of the big spoon. The big spoon should then hug the little or Baby Spoon with both arms.

For this unique position, the bigger spoon lies on his side. The little spoon should get curled up in the fetal position in a way that is facing the stomach of the big spoon. Conversely, the big spoon should hug the smaller spoon with one or both arms.

stomach spoon
stomach spoon

4. Try the Stomach Spoon. For this fun move, the bigger spoon will lie on his back, preferably with his head propped by a pillow for greater comfort. The smaller spoon should lie on top of the bigger spoon’s chest, shoulder or midsection, with the face down. To increase intimacy and cuteness, hug on one another.

face to face back to back spoon
Face to Face Spoon

5. Try the Back to Back Spoon. What’s nice about this approach to spooning is the ability to move freely. Both the bigger and littler spoon should position their backs against one another. One or both legs of each person can be rested upon one another. You can also do this one face to face.

Other considerations for this approach:

  • Interlock one leg between spoons
  • Play footsies
  • Simply have one spoon’s leg touching the other spoon’s leg. Similar to how a cat or dog might place one paw on his master while he sleeps as a sign of closeness.

6. Hand Holding Spoon. If you have a hard time getting too close to your guy because it gets hot or because you need to move, the hand holding spoon will work in a pinch.

All that is necessary here is for the two of you to face one another, laying on your sides. The big spoon and little spoon, with arms extended in the “Statue of Liberty” position will join hands.

If both of you are drastically different in height, make sure the both of you are position at the midsection of the bed so that your extended arms to not get blocked by a wall.

7. Head to Head Spoon. This cute approach to spooning allows both guys to realize maximum comfort. Both spoons should lie flat on their backs. Position the side of each of your heads in a way that touches one another.

8 Trade Spooning Positions. For variety’s sake, try switching positions. In other words, if the big spoon traditionally is doing the cuddling, allow the smaller spoon to assume this position.

The nice thing about gay spooning is that gender roles don’t matter. After all, the both of you are guys!

colin donnell stephen amell couch looking cute and gay
Actors Stephen Amell and Colin Donnell Spooning on Couch!

9. Movie Spoon. Your spooning activities aren’t restricted to sleep time. You can also spoon when you are just chilling, like watching a movie. A cute flick to consider as an example is Playing It Cool with Hollywood hunk, Chris Evans.

Part 2 of 2: Avoid the Uncomfortable

Sometimes, one of the two spooners may need to have a little space. This is particularly true when it comes to sleeping. There are people who don’t like to be held while they asleep because they feel confined. This is normal.

If you are looking for some practical tips to get out of your gay spooning situation without hurting your partner, we have some practical tips.

  • Gently tell your partner outside of spooning activities that you are one of those guys who needs “space” when sleeping. Give him the greenlight to spoon but also let him know that at some point, you may subconsciously move wiggle yourself to more space and to not get offended.
  • Create an escape noise to signify and end to the spooning. A well timed grunt or yawn will be the indicator that you are about to turn over or scoot over to the other side of the bed.
  • Roll away. For this maneuver, you simply roll to the other side of the bed. It is suggested that you combine the roll-away with an escape noise to minimize hurt feelings. Do your best to pretend you are asleep so that your partner assumes this was a natural, unintentional move.

Gay Spoon Poll

Just for fun, we are publishing a gay spoon poll for you to vote in. Read each choice carefully so that you can make the best choice for your situation. Remember – no two spoons are alike!

Gay Man’s Guide to Love

If you are looking for more practical advice on how to increase the romance factor in your relationship, be sure to pick up a copy of the book: Gay Men’s Guide to Love and Relationships by Dr. Richard Travis.

Inside, you will find lots of practical advice on healthy gay role models for relationships with answers to thorny questions like: “Should we be exclusive” and “What if we bring in a third?”

Other “How To Guides” from Gay Pop Buzz

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  1. Sometimes (and I do mean sometimes) things like this actually shocks me. Now a days, it seems like there is a guide to just about everything going on. I remember back in the day (and no, I’m still young), there were no “guides” to things like this. We just did them. In whichever way possible, shape or form.

    But I will say that the “Traditional” and the “Stomach” versions are my favorites.

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