Working Through Premature Ejaculation
By: John Hollywood
Does your boyfriend ejaculate more quickly than you’d like? Are there times when your man gets so excited he can’t help but blow? Does he apologize profusely afterward, feeling guilty because he couldn’t go the distance?
If you answered yes to these questions, you wouldn’t be alone. Premature ejaculation is a problem many men face – gay and straight alike.
While the numbers are somewhat scattered, the current thinking is that somewhere around 30% of men experience premature ejaculation (PE), according to the current research data. But what does PE exactly mean? In a nutshell, PE is a dynamic where a man experiences an uncontrollable ejaculation shortly after engaging in sexual activity, often with minimal stimulation.
And it is important to point out that the norm for “lasting” isn’t what you might think. While adult movies may show two people going at it for long swaths of time, the science suggests that most men in real life can only engage in intercourse for two to five minutes before they release.
Remember, we’re talking averages here and each guy is different. We just wanted to put things in perspective.
So how can you help your man work through PE? As a sexual partner, is there anything you can do to creative positive change? It turns out the answer is yes. What follows are 5 tips to help your man with PE that come to us from various journals.
Are you ready? Let’s jump right in!
1. Encourage a doctors visit
There are a number of medical reasons a guy can experience PE. For example, if he’s taking a medication for a mood related issue, such as anxiety or depression, the drug may be causing heightened sensitivity. That’s why it’s important for your man to visit the doctor and rule out any medical problems that may be behind his “fast and furious” moment.
Here are some common medical issues that may contribute to PE.
- Hormonal imbalances
- Thyroid problems
- Inflammation of the prostate
- Problems with the urethra
- Nerve damage
2. Help him explore your body
If your guy is like most men, he struggles with worries about performance (aka performance anxiety). This can create a dynamic where the desire to please you is so great that he quickly releases as a way of saying: “You turn me on.” While there may be a cuteness factor associated with this one, it can still leave you feeling unfulfilled.
By helping him to explore your body, you will make him slow down and focus his attention on the here and now instead of the end result.
Here are some tips to help him explore:
- Slowly take time caressing and kissing one another.
- Guide his hands aways from his anatomy and onto your body
- Consider letting him massage you before engaging in intercourse
- Encourage body worship as a precursor to intercourse
3. Encourage mindful breathing
Anxiety is one of the primary reasons PE happens. Guys not only worry about how they’ll perform but also if they will release too fast, particularly if there’s been a history of PE. One way to help the both of you reach a calmer, more grounded experience is to engage in mindful breathing.
We’ve talked about the importance of breathing in the past when we offered tips on how to ride a guy the right way (see our ride a guy post). Controlled, deep breathing affords a number of benefits that can help reduce overstimulation.
Here are some specific benefits of deep breathing:
- Helps to relax body tenseness, which is thought to help reduce PE.
- Lowers heart rate
- Lowers blood pressure
- Focuses the mind on the present
4. Consider the stop and start method
The stop and start method is pretty much what it sounds like. Here, you help your partner get to the point where he is just about to release and then you help him stop. A lot of folks refer to this particular approach as “edging”.
FYI: Some people use the squeeze method as part of this activity. Here, you encourage your man to gently squeeze the tip of his shaft when he gets close to fountaining. Then, the stimulation process starts again with intermittent squeezes. The idea is to help him control the muscles responsible for releasing.
The benefits of stop and start are numerous.
- Getting your man used to the sensations happening down below
- Focusing his attention on the process and not the finish
- Assisting him with recognizing how his body builds up to a release point
- Extending the time of pleasure
5. Talk with your partner
A final tip to help your man last longer is to simply talk to him. Chances are he’s already feeling embarrassed about letting go too fast, too soon. By having a judgement free conversation with him, you are going a long way in helping him to feel less stress and pressure.
Some ideas under this tip include:
- Letting him know how much he turns you on
- Share any feelings about your own struggles with anxiety
- Allow him to open up about what PE has been like for him
Helping your partner work through PE takes time and effort. It also requires patience on his part and yours. One way to help the both of you experience stimulation in different ways and extend time in a state of pleasure is by trying different positions. This is particularly true for longer term couples who are looking to breathe new life into their relationship.
One book to consider is The Gay Kama Sutra by Colin Spencer. Inside you will find page after page of insight with illustrations designed to help the both of you look beyond the ultimate destination and focus your attention (particularly his) on the journey.
We highly recommend!