7 Tell-Tale Signs He’s Sexually Selfish

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Here’s how to know he’s a sexually selfish jerk

It takes all kinds in this world when it comes to sex and the same is true for gay men.  We are much more diverse about the bedroom than our heterosexual counterparts.  In our world, we have exclusively assertive men, unequivocally dedicated receptive partners and everything in between.

While most men, who claim to be versatile, have an enormous preference one way (or the other) and are simply embarrassed to say so, there are a fair amount of men who are complete switch hitters when it comes to our passion about the bedroom and enjoy it all.

When it comes to the animalistic version of who we are as a person, or put another way, when we are having sex, it’s important to know your partner, notice how he behaves, pick up on certain cues and be able to fulfill his needs at the same time you are taking care of your own.

More: What to do if your boyfriend never initiates

While many men come up short in this area, it is likely because of a lack of communication more than anything.  While we communicate so much with our bodies, men are not mind readers.  Therefore, if something is not working for you, speak up before the most beautiful part of what you two share becomes mundane, routine and starts to bore you.

On the other hand, if the natural beast in your man is released in a manner that you couldn’t be more pleased with, great for you.  After all, the ultimate intention of sharing our two bodies is to reach that mind-blowing, take your breath anyway, heart-pounding orgasm!

For those of you where this is not the case, let’s take a closer look at the seven tell-take signs of a sexually selfish man.


1. Communication

Having someone in your life who doesn’t communicate well, or at least is much more reserved to discuss sex with you is a man who is throwing out all kinds of red flags.  As I eluded to already, we communicate in several ways.

We can have a conversation.  We can read our partner’s body language and we can read their vocalizations during sex that are not an actual conversation.  If he’s clueless to any of those signals that you are putting on display for him, he’s either as dumb as a box of rocks or simply doesn’t care about your needs, but only his own.

This may go hand-in-hand with being selfish in general.  If he demonstrates narcissistic behaviors in other areas of his life, like talking about himself a lot, and little interest in knowing more about you, then you should expect this to spill over into the bedroom.  He will be sexually selfish!

2. How He Makes You Feel

He should want to make you unabashedly happy.  He should value your sexual fulfillment as much as you value his.  You should feel safe with him; safe enough for any fantasy or roleplay that you’ve dreamt up over the years.

You feel something that you can never put into words when he enters your body or you accept his ‘white gold’ straight from the tap.  All erotic feelings aside, you should be trusting him for anything sexual.

If there’s any apprehension about you’re allowing him to engage with you like that, then you might give pause to those second thoughts.  He may be sexually selfish!

3. He Whines For Sex

Some of you may just be too horned up all the time to see the signs for this one but there really is nothing more unattractive than a man who whines for sex from you.  You are not his dumpster and if he’s given you what he considers his gift, is done and then hits the sack.

Well…  I think you see where that one is selfishly going.  If he’s begging (for you to be his vessel) and not willing to put any work into building up your desire to crave having intimacy with him, then he could certainly be sexually selfish!


4. He Has No Stamina OR Takes Far Too Long

If the man says, “It’s been a couple of weeks for me Babe so I may not last long,” then we can give him a break there.

But if it has become a regular occurrence for him to score his home run goal while you’re just coming up to bat, you’ve been letting him get away with 60 meter sprints when he should be condition training himself for the 5,000 meter long distance run.

Sorry for the sports analogies for those who aren’t into that, but everyone knows, home runs, sprints and long-distance runs; right?

More: Open letter to my a-hole ex boyfriend

The same might hold true for the man who can’t get there and takes forever, expecting you to wait out the ride when you’ve long since done your deed.  If the time it takes him to ‘get there’ is excessive short or long with no regard, or even checking in with you, then he is sexually selfish!

5. He’s Empty On Romance

A man who’s all about him in the sack will usually make little to no effort to make you feel special outside of the bedroom.  Are there romantic dinners out, hand holding, hugs, appreciation for your hard work making him a home-cooked meal?

Everything from no kissing, cuddling or other foreplay leading up to the actual event is another key indicator.  If there’s no emotional connection coming from him, no soft touches, complements petting, necking, etc. then he’s likely a sexually selfish man!

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6. You’re Doing ALL The Work

You are not a paid actor staring in your own sexual role.  You are not a hired hooker whose only job is to be there for his pleasure.  You should be an object of his affection.  You should be held and kissed first and foremost.

Being kissed, touched and caressed foster intimacy which is necessary for an emotional connection between the two of you.  This should be mandatory for you to want to have sex with him; unless you are an emotionally unattached nymphomaniac.  If you are, that’s okay as that’s what works for you.  No judgment here.

However, are you doing all of the emotional work?  Are you doing all of the physical work as well?  If he expects you to ride him or go down on him while he lies there and he’s not willing to invest himself in the person who will be sleeping with him then he’s a sexually selfish man!

7. He Won’t Reciprocate

Speaking of lying there while you do all the work, does he reciprocate?  Unless your relationship has been well established as one-sided and that’s what works for you both – and there are some out there like that – then this could be another problem to look out for.

More: Why your no BJ rule is a deal breaker

I’m not talking about reciprocation if he’s 100% top and you’re 100% bottom.  There are many ways to reciprocate even with clearly defined roles that work for you.

If he gets to enjoy his own climactic pleasure and doesn’t care too much about you having the same, however that is achieved, then he is sexually selfish!

Wrap Up

Having provided you with plenty of ways to identify a sexually selfish man, I have an obligation to remind you that some gay men prefer and seek out a sexually selfish man, or what seems like one, for varying reasons.  According to a report published in the ‘Archives for Sexual Behavior,’ 11% of gay men do not experience an orgasm during sex.

For many of those men, they likely prefer giving 100% of their attention to a man who can, and wants to, accept that which looks selfish on the surface to others.

Their submissive dynamic is one that works for them and every other aspect of their lives can be as healthy, rewarding and fulfilling as the other 89%.

So… don’t just this article by its title until you have both spoken honestly with each other.

After all 11% is a good chunk of gay men who only aim to please their man.  I know as I’m one of them.