Why Do Straight Guys Dream About Other Men?

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Do dreams reveal sexual orientation?

Have you ever wondered if guys who identify as straight dream about getting it on with other men? Does having such dreams say something about this person’s intentions? And what does it mean if a heterosexual man reveals he dreamed about topping or bottoming someone?

In the past, GPB has featured stories on this phenomenon. For example, not long ago, a 25-year old man from California revealed that even though he is attracted to women, he occasionally has sexual dreams about other guys.

“It’s not all that unusual. Men just don’t talk about it with other guys,” said Alan Tsang, a Licensed Psychotherapist in Chicago GPB spoke to about this topic. Tsang works with clients to help them understand their dream content.

“You would be surprised how much this comes up in therapy, in the safety of the counseling office,” he adds.

In looking on the web, the issue of guys dreaming about other guys seems to be a hot topic. A quick search of Google shows there are entire message threads dedicated to finding answers.

On Quora, one post entitled: “Can men have wet dreams about men? Does this mean I am gay?” offers a variety of responses. Here are some of the replies:

“Sexuality is complex, and many factors contribute to a person’s position within that spectrum. In my opinion, the best thing to do is be open and to try to experiment until you feel comfortable. Don’t lock yourself into one perspective. Hang out with different folks. See what comes of that. Just relax and don’t force things in a certain direction.”

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Another poster writes:

“Yes, men can absolutely have wet dreams about men. Does it mean you are gay? If it is happening with any frequency, I would imagine it indicates sexual attraction to men. So you could be gay or bi. If it has only happened once or twice, it might just be a fluke. All kinds of things happen in dreams (although we don’t usually orgasm from them…”

So, who is correct?

“We have to remember that human sexuality runs along a spectrum. And while someone may identify as heterosexual, that doesn’t mean they don’t occasionally fantasize about others of the same- sex. It’s not helpful to place labels on people to, be honest. All it does is box folks into categories that are narrow and often don’t apply,” says Tsang.

There’s been considerable research to support what Tsang postulates. The Kinsey Scale, which was first published in 1948, shows a range of possibilities that begin with exclusively hetero heterosexual to predominantly homosexual. In between, there are variations where a person can be mostly straight but have occasional same sex interests.

So, what does it mean when a man who identifies as straight dreams about topping or bottoming another guy?

“It could mean any number of things and it doesn’t always speak to sexual orientation. Sometimes it’s about dominance. Other times, it’s about an attraction. And still, on other occasions, it’s about bonding.”

Tsang leaves us with the following to consider. “Bear in mind there are men who identify exclusively as gay who sometimes dream about sharing intimacy with women. Does this mean they are bisexual or possibly straight?”