Are Lonely Straight Guys Turning to Gay Men for Comfort?

gay threesome from boyfriend

Change appears to be in the air

Research, according to one poll, shows that only 6% of ‘young’ people view themselves as exclusively heterosexual.

While that figure is likely not scientifically provable, it does elude to where our society is headed with more men who prefer NOT to identify as simply gay, straight or even bisexual.

Since we were little boys, raised by straight parents in a straight-centered world, we wanted to fall in love and get married just like Mommy and Daddy.  But as we matured, we quickly discovered that we were different and were somehow ‘taught’ that life isn’t always fair.

More: Bromances are on the rise

We eventually grew up in the face of obstinacy at every turn to become who we are today; a proud gay man!  And thankfully, labels are becoming more blurred.  We are gaining straight male allies every day and becoming good friends with them.

Bromance takes on a new meaning.

Sometimes one of those friends gets closer than we could have anticipated and our straight buddy has suddenly become physically comforted.  It eventually ‘goes there.’

It’s no great secret that men have more things in common with men so they are better at communicating with a man than a woman.

It’s easier for men to watch football together.  It’s easier for men to relate to other men about their emotional feelings.  It’s just plain easier to talk to another man.  So it comes as no surprise that sometimes it ‘goes there’ and gets physically intimate.

Let’s face it…  Men and women are wired worlds apart from each other.  Woman are definitely from Venus and men truly are from Mars.  So it’s no surprise that men are less judgmental toward each other, more easily resolve their problems together, and are more emotionally open to each other as compared to an M/F romance.

To this ‘new-age’ fluid man, it’s much more than being about a ‘hole is a hold and a mouth is a mouth.’  That’s an outdated mantra of many bisexual men.

This emerging kind of man actually requires more from you as a gay man; intimacy!

reflective man

Traditional marriage is on the decline.

As of 2009, the number of straight women who had never been married, widowed, divorced or separated, finally outnumbered married women.  Over the last 50+ years, there has been a drop in marriage by 40%.

More women are becoming independent of men (a good thing), career oriented and/or focused on being single moms.  This emerging trend of the fairer sex is demonstrating less of a need for a man in their lives.  Where do these men turn? BROMANCE!

In an article appearing on the Good Men Project, Jed Diamond, PhD states, “For more than forty years I have specialized in working with men. I’m seeing a disturbing trend of increased male irritability and anger…  I’ve seen a disturbing trend where more and more men feel disconnected, disrespected, and angry.”

He spoke to large groups of men and women about who they can talk to about their hopes, dreams, fears and frustrations.  Nearly all the women state they had someone to talk to.  However, the same could not be said of the men.

Most men do not have a single close friend they can talk to share their most intimate concerns with.  Where is the modern man recently turning to?  BROMANCE!

As more and more straight men find themselves unable to meet women’s needs, they distance themselves and find alternative options for intimacy, as well as the things they never had in common with women which is where another man is an added bonus.

The problem with gay men who engage in a relationship with a ‘label refusing’ professed straight man is that the gay man, despite his being proudly in control of his own sexuality has no control to steer the relationship where he’d like for it to go.

Many straight men have a desire to keep it a secret, or leave it undefined, which could rule supreme, while others could care less.  For those who do, what you want to be careful of is allowing him to drag you backward and into the closet where you’ll feel shut in with him.

But with patience and understanding, you can just as easily nudge the more secretive men in the other direction.  After all, you have something he needs, wants, craves and desires.  He’s already in your bed so, with where society is headed, it should be easy to keep him there.

Wrap up

Straight men having sex with other men is nothing new.  After all, the Bible, in Leviticus, discusses the very issue; though most people do not understand the context of the times in which it was written and misinterpret it altogether.

However, a sign of things changing are men who are becoming more comfortable with rejecting labels.  That obviously extends into who they are dating and sleeping with.

Perhaps it’s becoming less about labels and more about a willingness to commit to a more satisfying relationship with someone whatever your sexuality.

Perhaps a refusal to conform, for those who are simply fluid about their sexuality, should be honored.

It’s their societal courage, in the face of the emphasis on labels that is helping to further a very much needed change in our society where everyone should be free to love whom they choose.  I, for one, would be happy to take care of a man who’s been rejected by women.