Straight People Are Paying for Straight Pride Pins & Certificates of Heterosexuality

bro job freak out

Straight Certificates & Straight Pride Pins

Non-tolerate straight people are doing something stupid again. In fact, they’re doing two stupid things!

First, Amazon was selling “Straight Pride” flag pins earlier this week in what was possibly the ugliest colors they could imagine.

The gold plated pins were selling on Amazon for just $8 dollars, so those feeling self-important and in need of appropriating the cause of a people who are still being terrorized across the globe could do so for cheap!

The pins were being sold by 1000 Flags, which isn’t necessarily an anti-gay group. In fact, they’re the opposite. 1000 Flags sells flag merch with many different groups in mind. For instance, many of the other products they sell include LGBTQ banners, flags, and more.

Thankfully, the hard enamel on a metal pin badge with a butterfly clasp fixing got so many negative reviews and bad press that it was quickly taken down from the site.

But sadly, that’s not all we have for you guys. On top straight people (used to) being able to buy “Straight Pride” pins, they also can get certificates of heterosexuality.

More: Gayborhoods May Not Be as LGBT Friendly As You Think

As Instinct Magazine reports:

La Iglesia del Final de los Tiempos or otherwise known as “The Church of the End of Times” offers a Certificate of Heterosexuality to insure that the naysayers at work, school, and home don’t question the fact that you are, indeed, straight. I mean, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, right?

Instinct also translated the Spanish description of the certificate for all of us.

Certificate of Heterosexuality

Are you tired of people questioning your masculinity? Have you been accused of being a part of the ‘other side’? Do you hate that others treat you like you are abnormal? If this is, The Church of the End of Times has your solution. We were the first church in the world to incorporate this type of certificate. With the Certificate of Heterosexuality from the Church of the End of Times, you will be able to shut the mouths of those who wish you harm and talk badly about you. Show the world that you are a normal person, free of the practices of Sodom.

Let us remember that Sodom and Gomorrah were cities destroyed by God whose inhabitants had immersed themselves in perverse and unnatural passions.

The certificate is signed by His Holiness, Prophet Andres de la Barra, the only man on earth who possesses the gift of Homosalvation.

Get your Certificate of Heterosexuality today!

On top of that, the church also sells an Indecency Cleaning Cloth, a Certificate of Virginity, a Stove for the Sinning Woman, and Rope to prevent left-handedness (cause you know, left-handedness is a sign of the devil). We think its pretty safe to say that this “church” is a total scam.

As much as we like to laugh at everything that is wrong with this church scam, we also have to sober up and think that there are poor straight idiots who fall for this crap.

Maybe we should pray on it.

h/t: Instinct Magazine