12 Tips for Tops Who Can’t Stay Hard Because of Anxiety

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Help for tops who have problems staying hard

By: Zachary Zane

There has been an increase in the number of young, healthy men, who have erectile dysfunction (ED). The reason being: there’s a lot of pressure for us to be good at sex.

We then get all up into our heads, which then gets us nervous, which then makes us lose our hard-on. It becomes this vicious negative feedback loop.

More: Science behind morning erections

One that’s really difficult to break. And then we get worried about not being able to get hard, and so it becomes a self-fullfilling prophecy.

To put it bluntly: This f*cking sucks. There’s nothing worse than not being able to get hard when you want to stick it in that sexy guy’s butt. Am I right or am I right?

Now before asking your doctor for a bottle of Viagra or Cialis, here are some things to try first – particularly if you identify as a top that struggles with anxiety!


1. Stop watching pornography

Porn can screw with your mind, making it more difficult to be aroused by people in real life. One survey of 28,000 Italian men found that “excessive porn consumption” from an early age and continuing into men’s mid-twenties, desensitizes men to most sexual imagery.

More: Are hookups aps causing your ED?

This can impede arousal, lower libido, and hinder the ability to get an erection. Let me give you a cursory explanation of what’s going on in your brain here. So in essence, your brain can’t quite distinguish the difference between real sex and pornography.

So when you’re watching a half a dozen videos daily of guys doing some rough, crazy sh*t to one another, your brain adapts in ways that may work against you when trying to pop wood, according to some research.

So even though a REAL man should be able to get you all horned up, your brain thinks to itself, I want to be doing [insert nasty thing you watch alone and feel a deep pang of regret about here]. You then can’t get hard.

2. Masturbate with a condom on

If this sounds like it sucks, it’s because it does. However, if it helps you get over your ED, it’s definitely worth it. Often times, we can get erect, but it’s the act of putting on the condom that makes us go soft.

Or it’s the lack of sensitivity that comes from wearing a condom. So by masturbating with a condom, you’re getting used to the sensation of being stimulated with a condom on.

3. Stop masturbating entirely

If you’re having trouble getting it up during sex, but masturbate all the time, you should stop masturbating altogether. It’s difficult, there’s no question about it. But it’s not impossible. See this Reddit thread.

You’ll be so horny by the time you’re about to have sex, no nerves will be able to stop you. Your body will be acting on its own volition.

4. Increase your foreplay session

When the focus is only on the act of penetration, it creates a lot of pressure. If the focus is on kissing and heavy petting, then there’s less pressure, and you won’t be as nervous about getting hard.

Don’t think that it’s all or nothing AKA penetration or bust. There’s lots of joy to be had in simple oral. In fact, it can be pretty hot!

5. Talk about it before hand

Be upfront with him. This lets him know that it’s not his problem. It’s not that you don’t find him attractive or anything like that. It’s something you struggle with. This way, he also won’t be annoyed if you don’t have penetrative sex. Additionally, he may say something or do something to help you get an erection.


6. Drink in moderation

Drinking too much is bad for obvious reasons: You can get whiskey dick. However, having a drink or two may loosen you up. Make you less nervous. So don’t feel as if you have to abstain from drinking altogether, just drink in moderation.

7. Explore progressive relaxation

There are a number breathing exercises and various other meditation practices that can help break the negative cyclical patterns of thought that happens when you can’t get it up.

Odds are, if you’re having ED, it’s not an isolated issue. You probably have performance anxiety or other anxiety issues that contribute to your ED.

So committing to progressive relaxation routines daily, slowing down your mind and calming your body, can help.

8. Drink herbal tea and exercise

There’s plenty of research to suggest that certain herbal teas can have a firming impact on your manhood. If you get a chance, read this post on sex teas for lovers.

Also, we know from scientific research that exercise critical if your goal is to boost endorphins and other brain chemicals related to your woodwork. You don’t need to lift weights every day to realize benefits. Try going 3 times a week and doing cardio and resistance machines.

9. Get your Testosterone levels tested

It may be a physiology issue and not a matter of anxiety. If your erections are never that hard, even when you do get one, or you have an inability to grow any hair on your body, it could mean that you have a Testosterone deficiency. It may worth going to your doctor and getting it checked out.


10. Flip on over

It’s like, if you’re a “top only” maybe you should consider bottoming if you’re having trouble staying up.

I don’t bottom that often anymore, but when I can’t get it up, you better believe I get on my knees and stick out my ass. *Problem solved.* See this page on bottoming for the first time if this activity is new to you.

11. Viagra/Cialis

This shouldn’t be your first option. This should come only after having exhausted the options above. You don’t want to become dependent on it and put more drugs into your body than you need to.

It’s also very dangerous, and in many situations deadly, to use Viagra and poppers, so do not take poppers if your using any kind of nitrates. See this post on amyl nitrate facts to learn more.

12. See a therapist

If all else fails, see a therapist. He’ll have helpful tips to help you obtain and sustain your erection. Additionally, he may delve into personal psychological reasons for your ED, finding a root of the problem.

You can then attack that root together with your shrink. It helps if the person is gay or bi – this way, you don’t have to police your words and can be completely open.

Thanks for taking the time to read. Oh – if you think you have a medical problem causing your erectile dysfunction issues, it doesn’t hurt to talk to your physician!